Things Get All Romantical: Hush, Hush Chapters 6 & 7

A special thank you to Matt for teaching me how to put GIFs in posts. Couldn’t have done it without you, buddy.

And a special special thank you to everyone who has been commenting on our posts. You guys make my day even though I have been really shit at responding. Seriously, love you readers. It took a lot of restraint for me not to show off my GIF inserting skills again right now.

Chapter 6

We have abruptly left Nora and Patch’s awkward conversation at Borderline and instead are thrown into an awkward conversation between Nora and Elliot in gym class. Fun fact: he’s got PE first and fourth periods ’cause they have to fit four year’s worth of gym into the next two! Compelling stuff, Fitzpatrick, well played.

I keep forgetting I’m reading Young Adult Fiction and that it’s normal for entire scenes to be dedicated to gym class. Elliot and Marcie Millar (the cheerleader from a couple chapters ago who is a total biznitch) are chosen to be captains for the game of softball. Elliot picks Nora first, and Marcie starts to insult Nora. It’s unclear whether or not anyone else in the class is paying attention to this exchange, but if they are, I wonder if they are as uncomfortable as I am.

Marcie tipped her neck back and laughed. “Thanks,” she told Elliot, flashing him a toxic smile that, for reasons beyond me, mesmerized the opposite sex.

“For what?” said Elliot.

“For handing us the game.” Marcie pointed a finger at me. “There’s a hundred reasons why I’m a cheerleader and Nora’s not. Coordination tops the list.”

“Nora and I are friends,” […]

“That’s because you haven’t met anyone better. Like me…Marcie Millar. You’ll hear all about me soon enough.”

I knew bitchy cheerleaders in high school, and not a one of them spoke this way. In fact, most of them are the kind of people that are perfectly pleasant to speak to, they just talk a lot of trash…mostly about each other. I don’t know, I think Fitzpatrick’s ignorance is showing. I hope some sort of cheerleader activist organization raises some hell about this book and the destructive, hurtful stereotypes it portrays about he cheerleading community.

So I guess their exchange occurred in front of everyone, because finally the teacher cuts in and is like, “Um can we get back to gym class please?”

Then there is a sensual scene where Elliot shows Nora how to swing a baseball bat. ME-OW! While this piece of sexiness is going on, Nora hears her name being called in her head. By Patch. Who is standing outside the baseball field.

So Patch ends up helping Nora properly hit the ball by telling her telepathically when to swing the bat. It’s soooo romantic! Nora almost rounds some bases but ends up out despite her momentary victory. She scrapes her knee in the process, and Elliot is all, “Let me see your wound and sexily blow dirt off of it.” It’s all very romantic.

Oh, man, this is where things get REALLY romantic.

“Was that your boyfriend standing by the fence?” Elliot asked.

[…]

Elliot didn’t look fully convinced. “You sure nothing’s going on between the two of you? I don’t want to chase after an unavailable girl.”

Oh em gee, you guys!!! SQUEAL SQUEAL GIRLY COOING!!! EEEE OMG!! CUTENESS!! He totes asks her out (on a group outing with Jules and Vee) and she totes accepts! I smell a Jacob in this book!

Chapter 7

The chapter begins with Nora talking to Dorothea. Apparently Nora’s mom won’t be back for even longer (young adult fiction), and Nora has been blowing off her therapy appointments at school (young adult fiction).

Apparently even Dorothea just wants to talk about sex, because even though all Nora does is offer her the other half of her bagel, she launches into a really weird explanation of what she’s doing the next day.

“I am going to a conference tomorrow,” she said. “In Portland. Dr. Melissa Sanchez will speak. She says you think your way to a sexier you. Hormones are powerful drugs. Unless we tell them what we want, they backfire. The work against us.” Dorothea turned, pointing the Ajax can at me for emphasis. “Now I wake in the morning and take red lipstick to m mirror. ‘I am sexy,” I write. ‘Men want me. Sixty-five is the new twenty-five.'”

First of all, no, no it’s not. Second of all, what the ever loving fuck is she on about, and how on earth did we go from, “Do you want the other half of my bagel?” to that? There was literally no transition.

Nora still isn’t sure she wants to meet up with Elliot that night. I could appreciate it if she had reasons better than, “It’s getting kind of late, and it’ll be at least a half-hour drive.” Although, I often would rather watch a full season of True Blood  in one sitting than get off my couch, so I can’t really throw stones in my glass house. Apologies, Nora.

Unsurprisingly, Vee is totally pumped about meeting up with the boys, and shows up at Nora’s house fifteen minutes later. Decision made, bitch.

So they go to Delphic Seaport, which is like a hot spot for teens in this Young Adult Fiction world. There’s like a carnival and shit there. Oh, man, and there’s a new ride called The Archangel. What a subtle novel! But damn it, we’re 96 pages in already, when the fuck is some angel nonsense going to occur for realz?

The girls go look for Elliot and Jules in the arcade, and wouldn’t you know it, Patch is there instead! I can’t even begin to handle the cray cray. Nora tries to avoid him when they find Elliot and Jules, but Vee has to go and yammer away about how Patch totallllly wants Nora. Also, Vee makes up some crap about Patch getting violent last time they ran into him. What is this girl’s problem?

For some reason this leads to Nora going over to talk to Patch to make sure the situation is under control rather than Elliot going over to tell him to back off. “Somehow” (and I use that term loosely), Nora ends up flirting with Patch, and he’s all, “Play a game of pool with me, and if I win, you ditch Elliot and hang with me.”

But she can’t help flirting!

It wasn’t my fault–it was Patch’s. In close contact with him, I experienced a confusing polarity of desires. Part of me wanted to run from him screaming, Fire! A more reckless part was tempted to see how close I could get without…combusting.

I’m pretty sure Fifty Shades also employs this combustion metaphor. Gosh, I really should write my thesis this year on the books from Bad Books, Good Times, lord knows I spend enough time on all of them. Look at all these links I’m finding. I bet you I could write some bullshit about society and combustion and sex. Isn’t that what being an English major is all about? Amiright, Matt?

Nora confronts Patch about the telepathy because he sends her more thoughts. He denies it and kind of makes fun of her, and then exits the scene. But not before telling her to meet him at The Archangel. BUM BUM BUM!

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0 comments

  1. swu Reply

    Why do the love triangles with the virtually useless female lead continue to dominate?? Is it too late to hope that maybe Nora (or Ana) will suddenly take up some sort of defense class and then proceed to kick every creepy guy’s ass? Because that would be awesome. And I would read that book.

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      From the bottom of my heart, I wish something like this would happen. Le sigh.

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  2. Benjamin Reply

    Please. The useless female leads are only allowed to take personal agency when a MAN tells them it’s OK.

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    • swu Reply

      Ohh, no wonder I’ve never been in a horrible love triangle. I’ve been doing it all wrong…

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  3. Holly May Reply

    Aw. I missed your pop quizzes! *snaps fingers* Darn. Well, awesome GIF’s are also good!
    On another note, I’m agreeing with the previous comments; I feel like I could like Nora more if she was more assertive or had even an iota of drive to stop Patch from hitting on her. *sigh* Young adult fiction.

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      Aw! I assure you, the pop quizzes will return in my next post! With possibly more exciting GIFs! I was just too overwhelmed with the excitement of doing something “new” this time around 😉

      I agree, I wish Nora would stop pretending that finding Patch inside of various arcades is something akin to assertiveness.

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  4. Chuck Reply

    It may sound controversial but I think you guys should do a “Bad plays, good times” edition after you finish “Hush, Hush” and read “Romeo and Juliet” next. I know it’s Shakespeare and all and has some really good speeches but the plotting is completely retarded. R&J meet, fall in love, marry and do it all within a day! Then she fakes her death and through contrived coincidence and bad timing, they both end up dead. Sorry, if a modern author came up with that story from scratch, they’d be vilified. But I guess that’s the way it goes with some literary works… “Some shelled pardoned and some punished.”

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      • 22aer22 Post authorReply

        Hahaha you do raise an interesting idea. Matt and I have discussed doing Bad Movies/Bad Shows, Good Times features, and plays could be pretty great…It’s not that I don’t think R&J is pretty ridiculous when you break it down, it’s that I just took a Shakespeare course and I am not in the mood to return to that in the near future. However this plays idea certainly has merit =)

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      • allthenobels Reply

        Well, the whole secret to R&J is that Shakespeare thinks R&J are stupid and he wants you to think they’re stupid too. The fact that it has been turned into the template for romantic love is kind of terrifying, when you think about it.

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        • spiffymcpantsman Reply

          Yeah, it’s a pretty great farce of teenage obsessive hormone-overdrive love. I mean, they die at the end, but isn’t that how we wish Twilight ended? Shakespeare knew what he was doing.

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    • spiffymcpantsman Reply

      There is actually a similar plan we already have for a “controversial” choice, although it’s not Romeo and Juliet. But Shakespeare is an interesting idea and Ariel and I will talk about it when she’s less Shakespeared out.

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      • Chuck Reply

        Fair enough. Twilight would be a lot better if it ended with everyone dead (except Mustache Dad, he’s the series MVP).

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  5. Mary Reply

    I must first say that I love this blog. It has been responsible for the curious stares I have gotten from co-workers as they try and understand why I am laughing hysterically since the end of the month financial statement that I am supposed to be updating has never made them laugh so hard they cried. Secondly, I must confess that I have read the Fifty Shades ‘trilogy’. I read the first one on the recommendation from a friend who stated it was the best book she had ever read. Understandably I have cut all ties with that friend and have notified the authorities. The only reason I continued to read the next two books is the same reason I will finish a movie even though half way through I want to jump off a cliff. Mama didn’t raise a quitter, I finish what I start. Also, I was hoping that at some point I might read something that would make me understand why these books are so popular. Spoiler Alert: there is no reason, it defies all logic. The only bright side to my time with Fifty Shades is this blog. I have laughed and cried my way through each chapter with you both and felt as if I had found a home for like minded people like me. So when I saw that you were doing Hush Hush, a book I had neither read nor heard of, I thought I could just read the blog and skip the torturous job of actually reading the book. I read each post and laughed but soon the guilt set in. With Fifty Shades we were comrades in arms, trudging our way through the horrific carnage around us but with Hush Hush, I feel as if I have abandoned you. Enjoying the spoils but leaving you to fight the war. So, with a heavy heart, I have downloaded Hush Hush and will begin reading it right along with you. We will suffer together and hopefully keep each other from losing our minds. I thank you for your dedication and keep the posts coming.

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      I can’t even begin to express how happy this comment has made me! I can’t believe that for us you are about to endure a reading of Hush, Hush. You are truly a comrade in arms. Glad we can make you laugh through the difficult journeys of reading these books 😉

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    • spiffymcpantsman Reply

      This actually made my eyes water. This is the nicest comment and your dedication is so touching; I hope reading the terrible literature makes your experience with the blog even better!

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      • Mary Reply

        I am very glad to read that you both liked my comment, I meant every word! I look forward to many laughs on our journey through Hush Hush =)

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  6. Kirby Reply

    I would just like to say that for some reason, I always see Patch without a shirt. Like at school and in public just walking around without his shirt. Or baseball field. Bc how else does someone notice rippling man meat muscles through a shirt? (I haven’t read this book and never intend to, so I’m just going off of your commentary.) But maybe that’s part of Young Adult Fiction these days??

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