Things Get All Romantical: Hush, Hush Chapters 6 & 7

A special thank you to Matt for teaching me how to put GIFs in posts. Couldn’t have done it without you, buddy.

And a special special thank you to everyone who has been commenting on our posts. You guys make my day even though I have been really shit at responding. Seriously, love you readers. It took a lot of restraint for me not to show off my GIF inserting skills again right now.

Chapter 6

We have abruptly left Nora and Patch’s awkward conversation at Borderline and instead are thrown into an awkward conversation between Nora and Elliot in gym class. Fun fact: he’s got PE first and fourth periods ’cause they have to fit four year’s worth of gym into the next two! Compelling stuff, Fitzpatrick, well played.

I keep forgetting I’m reading Young Adult Fiction and that it’s normal for entire scenes to be dedicated to gym class. Elliot and Marcie Millar (the cheerleader from a couple chapters ago who is a total biznitch) are chosen to be captains for the game of softball. Elliot picks Nora first, and Marcie starts to insult Nora. It’s unclear whether or not anyone else in the class is paying attention to this exchange, but if they are, I wonder if they are as uncomfortable as I am.

Marcie tipped her neck back and laughed. “Thanks,” she told Elliot, flashing him a toxic smile that, for reasons beyond me, mesmerized the opposite sex.

“For what?” said Elliot.

“For handing us the game.” Marcie pointed a finger at me. “There’s a hundred reasons why I’m a cheerleader and Nora’s not. Coordination tops the list.”

“Nora and I are friends,” […]

“That’s because you haven’t met anyone better. Like me…Marcie Millar. You’ll hear all about me soon enough.”

I knew bitchy cheerleaders in high school, and not a one of them spoke this way. In fact, most of them are the kind of people that are perfectly pleasant to speak to, they just talk a lot of trash…mostly about each other. I don’t know, I think Fitzpatrick’s ignorance is showing. I hope some sort of cheerleader activist organization raises some hell about this book and the destructive, hurtful stereotypes it portrays about he cheerleading community.

So I guess their exchange occurred in front of everyone, because finally the teacher cuts in and is like, “Um can we get back to gym class please?”

Then there is a sensual scene where Elliot shows Nora how to swing a baseball bat. ME-OW! While this piece of sexiness is going on, Nora hears her name being called in her head. By Patch. Who is standing outside the baseball field.

So Patch ends up helping Nora properly hit the ball by telling her telepathically when to swing the bat. It’s soooo romantic! Nora almost rounds some bases but ends up out despite her momentary victory. She scrapes her knee in the process, and Elliot is all, “Let me see your wound and sexily blow dirt off of it.” It’s all very romantic.

Oh, man, this is where things get REALLY romantic.

“Was that your boyfriend standing by the fence?” Elliot asked.

[…]

Elliot didn’t look fully convinced. “You sure nothing’s going on between the two of you? I don’t want to chase after an unavailable girl.”

Oh em gee, you guys!!! SQUEAL SQUEAL GIRLY COOING!!! EEEE OMG!! CUTENESS!! He totes asks her out (on a group outing with Jules and Vee) and she totes accepts! I smell a Jacob in this book!

Chapter 7

The chapter begins with Nora talking to Dorothea. Apparently Nora’s mom won’t be back for even longer (young adult fiction), and Nora has been blowing off her therapy appointments at school (young adult fiction).

Apparently even Dorothea just wants to talk about sex, because even though all Nora does is offer her the other half of her bagel, she launches into a really weird explanation of what she’s doing the next day.

“I am going to a conference tomorrow,” she said. “In Portland. Dr. Melissa Sanchez will speak. She says you think your way to a sexier you. Hormones are powerful drugs. Unless we tell them what we want, they backfire. The work against us.” Dorothea turned, pointing the Ajax can at me for emphasis. “Now I wake in the morning and take red lipstick to m mirror. ‘I am sexy,” I write. ‘Men want me. Sixty-five is the new twenty-five.'”

First of all, no, no it’s not. Second of all, what the ever loving fuck is she on about, and how on earth did we go from, “Do you want the other half of my bagel?” to that? There was literally no transition.

Nora still isn’t sure she wants to meet up with Elliot that night. I could appreciate it if she had reasons better than, “It’s getting kind of late, and it’ll be at least a half-hour drive.” Although, I often would rather watch a full season of True Blood  in one sitting than get off my couch, so I can’t really throw stones in my glass house. Apologies, Nora.

Unsurprisingly, Vee is totally pumped about meeting up with the boys, and shows up at Nora’s house fifteen minutes later. Decision made, bitch.

So they go to Delphic Seaport, which is like a hot spot for teens in this Young Adult Fiction world. There’s like a carnival and shit there. Oh, man, and there’s a new ride called The Archangel. What a subtle novel! But damn it, we’re 96 pages in already, when the fuck is some angel nonsense going to occur for realz?

The girls go look for Elliot and Jules in the arcade, and wouldn’t you know it, Patch is there instead! I can’t even begin to handle the cray cray. Nora tries to avoid him when they find Elliot and Jules, but Vee has to go and yammer away about how Patch totallllly wants Nora. Also, Vee makes up some crap about Patch getting violent last time they ran into him. What is this girl’s problem?

For some reason this leads to Nora going over to talk to Patch to make sure the situation is under control rather than Elliot going over to tell him to back off. “Somehow” (and I use that term loosely), Nora ends up flirting with Patch, and he’s all, “Play a game of pool with me, and if I win, you ditch Elliot and hang with me.”

But she can’t help flirting!

It wasn’t my fault–it was Patch’s. In close contact with him, I experienced a confusing polarity of desires. Part of me wanted to run from him screaming, Fire! A more reckless part was tempted to see how close I could get without…combusting.

I’m pretty sure Fifty Shades also employs this combustion metaphor. Gosh, I really should write my thesis this year on the books from Bad Books, Good Times, lord knows I spend enough time on all of them. Look at all these links I’m finding. I bet you I could write some bullshit about society and combustion and sex. Isn’t that what being an English major is all about? Amiright, Matt?

Nora confronts Patch about the telepathy because he sends her more thoughts. He denies it and kind of makes fun of her, and then exits the scene. But not before telling her to meet him at The Archangel. BUM BUM BUM!

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