As you’re probably aware by now, Ariel and I (the people who run this blog!) went back to college this week (where we learn things!), and it is very strange going from reading actual literature to reading books for this blog in the same sitting.
Nora’s mom contacts Nora to tell her that she’s coming home and asks about Vee’s accident and says “I’m so glad it wasn’t you.”, which is kind of an odd sentiment. Although maybe I’m just reading it like that because I fucking hate Vee and assume everybody else does too.
Speaking of how I fucking hate Vee, Nora goes to the hospital where we get to met a version of Vee hopped up on painkillers.
“So?” I asked Vee. “What’s the verdict?”
“The verdict? My doctor is a lard-arse. Closely resembles an Oompa-Loompa […]”
I mean, it’s not very distinguishable from normal Vee, so we had to learn this through our old friend “tell don’t show”:
Vee expelled a luxurious sigh. “I love drugs.”
Then we learn that the hooded figure wasn’t a girl, but a guy, which means without a doubt that it is Elliot, the only other male character in the novel that we’re not supposed to hope Nora goes down on at some point in the future. Except Vee is pretty sure it was Patch!
“[…] on further reflection, I’m thinking the guy had Patch’s build. Tallish. Leanish. Strongish. Sexyish, aside from the attacking part.”
My favorite part of foreplay is when I get punched in the face.
So Nora and Vee decide, once again, they need to investigate further and question Patch’s coworkers at the Mexican restaurant about him. Although Nora is skeptical.
this particular sleuthing job had nothing to do with biology. Even remotely.
Much like their biology class.
Remember how the last chapter ended with Nora and Vee deciding to go question Patch’s coworkers at the Mexican restaurant about him? The beginning of the next chapter doesn’t seem to think so!
Vee and I had convinced her parents that we needed to celebrate her first night out of the hospital over chiles rellenos and virgin strawberry daiquiris. At least, that’s what we were claiming. But we had an ulterior motive.
We… we know, Hush Hush. We can remember them talking about this two pages ago.
So they go to the restaurant because Tuesday is Patch’s night off (speaking of stalking, how do they know this?), but Vee has changed the plan!
“I sort of invited a couple of people. The more the merrier, right?”
Oh man, maybe the only other characters in the novel?
“Jules and Elliot.”
Haha, I was right!
“Moment of truth: I’ve sort of been seeing Jules. On the sly.”
God dammit, Jules. YOU WERE COOL.
There was no sign of Jules.
“Bad news,” said Elliot. “The man is sick.”
Haha, fuck yeah, Jules! Way to keep not giving a shit about this book with me!
So the not-date continues predictably, with Elliott suddenly being a massive creep all of a sudden (claiming he changed schools because the girls were hotter “around these parts”), makes some ridiculous fucking lies (Jules’s parents, who live in Maine, work in the diamond industry; come on, even Nora sees right through that bullshit, Elliot), and blah blah blah. Then Nora and Vee go to the bathroom to pull off their super secret plan, which is, and I shit you not, to dress up Nora as a 15 year old hooker (complete with purple push-up bra and… a blond wig…) and interrogate the bartender about Patch. And Nora is the worst interrogator ever.
“Do you know if Patch has ever had any restraining orders? Does he have a history of stalking?”
But what she does learn is that Patch is taking someone’s shift tonight and he runs into her, actually pissed off at her for being so incredibly bad at doing things.
“That’s none of your business.”
“You tried to kiss me,” I reminded him. “You made it my business.”
The ghost of a pirate smile lurked at his mouth.
I was going to make fun of this, because hahaha what the shit, but “ghost of a pirate smile” is actually fucking awesome.
Nora goes home and her mom is there, with news that she’s not making enough money and probably going to have to sell the farmhouse, which, despite hating it for the entire novel, Nora is very attached to it and upset about this. So then she asks mom a bunch of questions about love, because young adult fiction, motherfucker.
I pictured Patch’s mischevious smile. “Were you ever scared of Dad?”
“Whenever the New England Patriots lost.”
Whenever the Patriots lost, my dad went tot he garage and revved up his chainsaw. Two autumns ago he hauled the chainsaw tot he woods behind our property, felled ten trees, and diced them into firewood.
This is actually the most terrifying thing in the novel so far, and we have two or three stalkers and equally many murder attempts. Anyway, Nora’s mom asks about this boy Nora likes, and Nora tries her best to not reveal that he’s a creepy stalker douchebag.
“He likes pool,” I offered optimistically.
“A swimmer! Is he as cute as Michael Phelps? Of course, I always leaned toward Ryan Lochte when it came to appearances.”
I’m just gonna let all of that go.
Nora’s mom has to go back to work, and it’s actually kind of sad. Then Nora goes upstairs, discovers her room has been torn apart, and that the masked man is in there, who immediately jumps out the window. Nora calls the police, but, much like with the car attack, everything is suddenly back to normal! Spooky scary!
Nora finally tells Vee about the murder investigation Elliott was involved in. More significantly, they’re back in Coach’s biology class where they’re actually doing real science! So they keep talking about how weird Elliott and Jules are, and literally none of it is new information if you’ve been reading this book and/or think about things from time to time.
After class, Nora goes back to the school counselor, Miss Greene, who is maybe the dumbest character in the book.
“[…] I came to the obvious conclusion that our relationship needs to be built on trust and respect. […]”
Derp de motherfucking derp, school therapist.
Next she moves into creepytown, much like everybody in this book, and expresses her disappointment with Nora that she spent more time with Patch.
“Saturday night Patch gave you a ride home from Delphic Seaport. And you invited him inside your house.”
I fought to hold in a choke of protest. “How do you know about that?”
“Part of my job as your school psychologist is to give you guidance,”
Does any of this make sense? But seriously, if anybody (meaning young adults) walk away from this book thinking that counseling or therapy is anything like this, and your therapist stalks you to criticize your life choices, then we have a pretty serious problem. Especially because the next thing that happens is she asks if there’s anything else Nora wants to talk about, Nora says no, and she leaves.
And that’s actually everything that happens in this chapter. Anyway, it is Friday, I’m at college, I just read four chapters of Hush, Hush, and I’m going to drink.