Books We Wish We Read Instead This Summer

We were both really busy this past summer with jobs and classes and didn’t have any time to read. I mean, we had time to read, but we had to read fucking Fifty Shades of Grey. Here are a few books we wish we’d read instead this summer.

Ariel: Paint it Black by Janet Finch
I have an extreme obsession with the book White Oleander by Janet Finch, and this is the other book she wrote. This woman knows how to write a fucking sentence, describe things beautifully, and build interesting characters! Characters that don’t say, “Holy shit!” every five seconds.

Unlike SOME authors.

Matthew: Cities of the Plain by Cormac McCarthy
Yep, when I’m not reading depressingly bad literature for this blog, I like reading really depressing books anyway! All The Pretty Horses is one of my favorite novels, and although I read it four years ago and knew that there were sequels all this time, I’ve never gotten around to them. And still haven’t. Fucking Fifty Shades of Grey.

Watching the movie version of Horses somehow didn’t do the trick either.

Ariel: Captain Underpants by Dav Pilkey
To tell you the truth, reading good books was literally the last thing on my mind this summer. Between some very intense personal shit going down, my job, and enjoying making fun of bad books, I didn’t really want to read anything else. But a friend of mine posted a status about Captain Underpants, which is so so fun to read. And I simply want to re-read the entire series. Suck it.

Somehow significantly more appealing than Fifty Shades of Grey.

Matthew: The Toyminator by Robert Rankin
My friend lent me a novel called Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse during our sophomore year of college because he said my writing style reminded me of this author and that I would probably enjoy it. After I finished that, he lent me the sequel, The Toyminator, around the end of the year. Then I left for England for a year. Now we’re roommates. I still haven’t started this book. It’s a little awkward.

I’ve already read Fifty Shades of Grey on the train, I have no shame about what I read in public.

Ariel: Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut
I started this towards the end of the summer, was really liking it, and then went back to school. Whoops.

So it goes.

Matthew: literally anything by Kurt Vonnegut, I don’t even care, just something by Kurt Vonnegut
But that didn’t happen, now did it?

Fucking. Fifty. Shades.
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