Nothing at All Happens, No Seriously, Nothing: Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 10

On Saturday, Matt was a short play and was in drag the whole time. It was awesome! I wish I had pics for ya. Instead, I just have this shitty chapter of Fifty Shades Darker.

In other news, I am really hungover, and this book is doing nothing for my nausea.

Chapter 10

Man, this chapter is fucking boring. There’s about a page and a half of them flirting before Christian goes back to running the boat or whatever. Their flirtation culminates in a signature, “Later’s, baby,” which makes me want to vom.

Ana talks about how, no matter what happens, she could never leave Christian. Not like, you know, if he wasn’t treating her right or something. ‘Cause if a man tells you he loves you, it’s your duty to stay with him no matter what.

And, of course, he’s made sweet, unhurried love to me. I shake my head, remembering my body bowed and wanting beneath his expert hands.

I shake my head, remembering his is like the billionth time Ana has referred to Christian making “sweet love” to her. Like I said, nausea is not going away any time soon.  Also, no shit she remembers, it happened all of two minutes ago. Jesus Christ, Ana.

They head back to the marina, and Christian says his apartment is safe and they can head back now. This is so fucking boring, poll time.

So then when they return to the apartment and talk to Taylor, this happens:

“Does that poor man ever sleep?”

“He sleeps.” Christian quirks an eyebrow at me, puzzled. “He’s just doing his job, Anastasia, which he’s very good at. Jason is a real find.”

“Jason?”

“Jason Taylor.”

I remember when I thought Taylor was his first name. Jason. It suits him —solid, reliable. For some reason it makes me smile.

“You’re fond of Taylor,” Christian says, eyeing me with speculation.

“I suppose I am.” His question derails me. He frowns. “I’m not attracted to him, if that’s why you’re frowning. Stop.”

Christian is almost pouting—sulky.

There are so many what the fuck moments I am having right now. First of all, why does Ana need to tell us what she feels about the name Jason? Second of all, why would Christian jump to the conclusion Ana is attracted to Taylor? Third of all, why does it feel like this is supposed to be a significant reveal, like we’ve been waiting this whole time to find out what Taylor’s first name is.

Our heroes stop for some food, and Ana starts asking lots of questions about Christian’s lack of friendships. Jesus, Ana, leave the guy alone. Not everyone wants 5,000 BFFs. Also, you have literally two friends, Jose and Kate and they have barely been in this book at all. Actually, Kate has only been mentioned, not actually featured.

Ana starts freaking out about how Christian is trying things her way so she feels like she needs to try more things his way. Christian points out exactly what I’ve been thinking, it’s been one weekend, calm the fuck down.

He thinks I might leave if I know him. He thinks that I might leave if he’s himself. Oh, this man is so complicated.

Well, Ana, maybe thinks this because you did leave him when he was himself. I am sick of this book going over the same five issues constantly. Ana got exactly what she wanted, and now she’s looking for more reasons to freak out. And I get this inclination, I do, as soon as I start to get comfortable or happy with a guy I start looking for holes, the things that are going to go wrong, but it’s annoying as shit to read in this book. It is literally the same issues and concerns every other page, and I just don’t care. I think even Twilight had more plot than this because vampires were fighting or some shit. But I have no clue how we can get a whole third book out of this let alone a second half of this one!

Ana finds all of her things have been moved into Christian’s room. D’awww. Then he explains they think Leila was getting in through the emergency fire escape ’cause she had a key.

Moving on, they start fighting about whether or not Ana should go to work tomorrow. I’m rooting for feminism here. Come on vaginas! Let’s go!

Christian: You don’t need to work, I’m rich! And Leila might kill you?

Ana: I WANT TO WORK!

Christian: Fine, I’ll allow you to work if my security guy can come with you.

Ana: K

Ish victory?

The chapter ends with a compelling cliffhanger. They begin to play pool, and if Christian wins, he gets to spank Ana and fuck her over the pool table! Wow, nothing at all happened in this chapter! What a shocker.

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  1. Chloe Reply

    Hypothetically, which would be worse- admitting the book is bad and reading only for the sex parts, or skipping the sex parts and reading for the story?

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  2. Nicole Reply

    I started reading everyother page then I was like fuck it and I threw the book on the floor. This has got to be the worst book I have ever read. Sometimes I wish Ana was real so I can uppercut the shit out of her while Christian and Taylor watch.

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