It’s the Dick-Kicking End of the Book!: Hush, Hush Chapters 28-30

Well, it seems we’ve finally reached the end of Hush, Hush! I am so excited to start a new project, I can’t even believe it.

Chapter 28

Patch has just entered the school while Nora waits in the car. Twenty minutes goes by, and Nora is starting to get anxious.

Then Nora gets a phone call from Elliot, and he has just transformed into a full-blown creepazoid.

“I see you,” Elliot said when I answered. “Sitting out there in the car.”

“Where are you?”

“Watching you from the second-story window. We’re playing inside.”

“I don’t want to play.”

He ended the call.

Why do evil people always refer to their evilness as playing? It really puts a damper on an otherwise very fun word.

Nora does the wisest thing possible and goes inside. That’s right, she goes towards the creepy dude! Whadda gal.

Oh no! The electricity is out?!?! What? Unheard of. And, le gasp, Nora finds Jules’ dead body! Why, oh why, couldn’t it have been Vee’s? Then Nora finds Elliot’s almost-dead body…well, that was entirely underwhelming.

But then Nora is attacked! By Jules…who is hidden behind both a ski mask and a miner’s headlamp over the mask. Turns out, Jules has been invading Nora’s mind all along too? What the fuck is happening?

It is revealed that Elliot killed Kjirsten, not because he wanted to (and not because her name is spelled in a really annoying way), but because Jules was testing his loyalty. Then Jules makes a lot of not-so-subtle hints about who he really is, and finally Nora has a DUN DUN DUN moment:

Jules was Chauncey. He was Nephilim.

So basically he wants revenge on Patch. Yawn.

And we find out that Matthew was wrong about Jules hating the book this whole time. He hated Patch and only didn’t show up to go on dates with the girls because he had to be invisible to Patch. This is the saddest part of everything. Jules is actually an integral part of the book, not just someone who acts in the reader’s place to hate it.

The chapter ends with Nora kicking Jules in the dick, so that’s pretty great.

Chapter 29

Nora finds Vee. Awwwww man. She’s okay.

There is a chase scene, and then some REALLY important information is revealed. Marcie Millar was attacked by none other than Jules…but he should explain why, not me:

“Elliot told me there’s bad blood between the two of you. I didn’t like the idea of someone else having the pleasure of tormenting my girl.”

So he does care!

Finally Patch shows up before Jules can kill Nora. Uh, oh, Jules’ got a revolver to Nora’s head, though. So Patch uses mind control to get Nora to punch Jules in the face. I wish she had punched him in the dick.

Boring stuff happens, and the chapter ends with Nora about to fall off a ladder and die or something. Then SHE reveals that she’s one of Chauncey’s descendants and if she dies, Patch will become human and Chauncey dies. Jules/Chauncey is like whoops. And then Nora falls.

Chapter 30

Nora wakes up in her bedroom. Patch explains that Nora died and because of her sacrifice so did Jules/Chauncey. However, Patch turned her sacrifice down and brought her back to life, but because Jules had no soul he wasn’t also revived.

Patch then reveals he is now a guardian angel, specifically Nora’s. Does this mean they can fuck? That’s really the only question I’m vaguely curious about.

Nora and Vee are fwends again, and Vee is all, “Let’s forget about this crazy shiz and go to the mall!” Oh, girls, you cray.

The detectives buy all the stupid stories that they’re fed. Patch shows up to install a new alarm system on Nora’s house. They drive away on his motorcycle and like make out.

THE BOOK IS OVER FINALLY!!! And it was so fucking bad! How could there possibly be more books in this series? What story hasn’t been told yet? UGGG