In the last chapter, Ana learns that Christian exclusively goes for women who look like his mom because he gets sexual satisfaction out of beating them (not making this up; this is actually what Fifty Shades of Grey is about), and that he placated his psychotic ex until the hospital could come get her by giving him a bath, and he isn’t sure why Ana’s mad at him for any of this.
“Hey,” Christian’s says gently as he pulls me into his arms, “please don’t cry, Ana, please,” he begs.
Oh, great. The first sentence of the chapter starts with a typo. This is going to be fantastic.
They get into bed and cuddle and fall asleep. At one point in the night, Ana gets out of bed to take some Advil and contemplates Christian’s marriage proposal, wondering if it’s a terrible idea. Then Christian gives any sane person a pretty clear answer by freaking the fuck out because Ana isn’t in his bed anymore.
He’s tossing and turning, writhing in agony. No! He cries out again, and the eerie, devastating sound lances through me anew. […] “You left, you left, you must have left,” he mumbles—his wide-eyed stare becoming accusatory—and he looks so lost, it wrenches at my heart. Poor Fifty.
Relieved that Ana just went to the medicine cabinet and didn’t actually leave him forever, Christian immediately jumps into the foreplay. But Ana remembers how fucked up the whole “you look like my mom and I want to beat you” thing is, and describes for us how much of a turnoff this is.
it’s like a bucket of cold water on my libido.
She explains to Christian that she needs to think and shouldn’t have sex, to which Christian responds that she shouldn’t think and needs to have sex, which pretty much sways her.
“No, please. I can’t do this, not now. I need some time, please.”
“Oh, Ana, don’t overthink this,” he whispers as he nips my earlobe.
“Ah!” I gasp, feeling it in my groin, and my body bows, betraying me.
Christian does, kind of to his credit but not really, stop her before he gets a condom out to make sure she’s okay with it. Ana becomes even more of a parody of herself.
His eyes are a blazing gray as he passes me the condom. “You want to do this? You can still say no. You can always say no,” he murmurs.
“Don’t give me a chance to think, Christian. I want you, too.” I rip the packet open with my teeth
For all of you who participated in the poll, by the way, the sex starts four pages after Ana gets mad at Christian. After the super realistic sex in which Ana can’t finish but then Christian tells her to and she does, they cuddle and have some light pillow talk.
“What was your nightmare about?”
Christian describes his early childhood where he was physically abused by his mother’s pimp. Ana takes it all very seriously.
He raises his head to look at me. “Fifty Shades rubbing off on you?”
“And then some. I like how it’s rubbing off at the moment.” I wriggle provocatively underneath him and he smiles.
Ana wakes up in the morning and finds she’s late for work.
Christian purrs from the bed. “You can call in sick, you know.” He gives me his devastating, lopsided, one hundred and fifty percent panty-busting smile.
Amazingly enough, this isn’t the stupidest description of Christian Grey’s smile we get. Like… on this page.
He smirks and cranks his glorious smile up another notch so it’s in full HD IMAX.
Ana goes to work and her boss Jack is super pissy and mean to her all day! Ana wonders why her predatory boss that’s sexually harassed her since they met and she’s continually turned down is mad at her. Christian continues to be super clingy and actually sends her “you didn’t respond to my last email five minutes ago are you okay?” emails. Jose calls saying he’ll be in the area and wonders if he can crash and Ana remembers she hasn’t seen him since the very beginning of the book (like any of her friends) and muses on being a bad friend to her friend who sexually assaulted her at a bar once. Elliot shows up and is pretty normal.
Ana goes on her lunch break to contemplate the difference between conditional and unconditional love and whether she thinks her love for Christian is enough to overcome his serious psychological issues. Thankfully, she doesn’t actually have to figure this out herself and can just talk to Christian’s therapist instead.
I hope Flynn will have the answers, and maybe then I can say yes.
No, seriously, she’s going to talk to Christian’s therapist about whether or not she should marry him. Is… is this normal? Does this seem weird to you, George Carlin?
Yeah, it seems weird to me too. Thanks, George.
Christian’s sister Mia tells Ana that Christian’s birthday is on Saturday! And Christian didn’t tell her! Ana has no idea what to give him for his birthday and makes an unfunny joke.
Dear Mr. Grey
When, exactly, were you going to tell me?
What shall I get my old man for his birthday?
Perhaps some new batteries for his hearing aid?
Christian responds with a very dry, actually rather funny joke.
Batteries are always useful.
Then the chapter ends creepy as all goddamn motherfucking Christ on a bicycle hell.
[Jack] steps in, closing the door behind him […] His lips twitch into a grotesque smile, and his eyes gleam a deep, dark cobalt. “At last, I have you on your own,” he says, and he slowly licks his lower lip. “Now . . . are you going to be a good girl and listen very carefully to what I say?”
I have full faith in E L James to tastefully and maturely write a rape scene. Except… oh God, I’m going to be so offended…