Everyone’s a Stalker!: Bared to You Chapter 4

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Today I’m thankful that I don’t have to write about any terrible books until Monday after this! WAHOO!

Chapter 4

When we last left off, Eva and Gideon were getting hot and heavy but got interrupted. Immediately we find out no one is actually physically in the room, it’s just Gideon’s secretary on the intercom letting him know his appointment is there. Aw man! Work appointments always ruining good hookups. Gideon should just tell his secretary he has explosive diarrhea or something and get back to what really matters: hot lovin!

Fear not, though, readers, we do find out about his penis! Kind of! “His tie was loosened and the fly of his slacks strained against a very impressive erection.” Winky wink.

They’re both like, “OH MA GERD WE’RE AT WORK!” And then Eva is all pissy with him because she lost control for this sexy sexy man, and they’re trying to fix up, and Gideon is says, “You look beautiful and fuckable. I want you so badly it hurts. I’m dangerously close to taking you back to the couch and making you come ’til you beg me to stop.”

This guy!

They argue back and forth a bit more about if they will or won’t hook up. Ending with Gideon confident they will.

It sounded as much like a threat as a promise.

Well that’s…creepy.

Everything in these books is so rushed. I mean, I guess if we didn’t sort of get to the action right away it would be really really boring to read because all we’d have are scenes with Eva and her gay roommate Cary talking about Krav Maga and Eva’s weird family being obsessive.

A little late getting back to work, Eva feels really bad, but her boss Mark (who is great) tells her not to worry.

“Thank you.” No matter what he said, I still felt terrible. My kick-ass Friday morning seemed to have happened days ago.

Well, yeah, it did. Although, I’m unclear on what day it actually is in the book. But it’s definitely not Thanksgiving, so I don’t care.

Eva receives a phone call from her mother, who is an idiot and defends her decision to trace Eva’s cell phone. She also says Eva forgot it during her lunch date with Richard, the step-father, and they sent it back to her apartment. Oh, how very kind! In case you were wondering what the mother’s voice sounds like, here’s a weird description!

My mom had a voice that was both girlish and breathy, like Marilyn Monroe crossed with Scarlett Johansson.

I’m not positive why this line felt so bizarre to me. Maybe because it’s so specific, or maybe because, unlike Marilyn Monroe, Scarlett Johansson doesn’t feel quite as timeless and iconic. Although, maybe everyone who reads these types of books is obsessed with Scar-Jo, and lord knows this book isn’t going to stand the test of time so timeless shmimless.

Mom invites Eva (and Cary) to a spa date tomorrow, which Eva eagerly accepts. Immediately following the end of a conversation with her mother, Eva thinks about how she wants to go home and masturbate.

After I hung up, I leaned back in my chair and exhaled, needing a hot bath and an orgasm. If Gideon Cross somehow found out I masturbated while thinking about him, I didn’t care.

I’m not saying Eva is aroused by this conversation, I’m just saying someone should have re-read that sentence and maybe added in a couple other lines, separating the two events. Also, how would Gideon find out she masturbated while thinking about him? It’s not as though you can place mind-reading, tracking devices in vaginas. She acts like this is something he could just casually find out!

As Eva is heading home, Gideon calls and keeps pressuring her about ways he can get her to sleep with him. Hot or not, this is the most blatant sexual harassment ever. Then for some reason she tells him she’s going home to her vibrator. And he asks if they can have a threesome (with the vibrator). At this point, Eva’s refusal of Gideon is annoying me because she keeps telling us how turned on she is by this guy. Then just do it Eva, whatever. Or ACTUALLY refuse.

Although, I do understand that she’s weirded out by the fact he’s trying to negotiate about sex…but also thinks he’s hot. Touche, book.

At home, Eva gets a phone call from Parker informing her that her stepdad just gave him a ton of money to make safety improvements and that classes will resume next week after the renovations.

I’m not entirely sure this is worth mentioning, but Cary has a guy named Trey over on a date. If he comes up again I may elaborate on him, but whether or not he’s actually a recurring character remains to be seen, so we’ll move on for now. Cary immediately notices that Eva looks frustrated, but she doesn’t want to talk about Gideon. Except she totally does and she tells him everything.

First step, dish the dirt to your gay bff, second step GO CLUBBING! Holler!

They get into some swanky club, and continue to discuss relationship stuff. Apparently, Trey is worried that Cary is secretly in love with Eva since he moved with/in with her. Interesting. Kind of.

Anyway, I’m really wondering if Gideon is going to show up here. I will be really surprised if he doesn’t.

Literally I turned the page, and he shows up. I kid you not. A guy starts talking to Eva, and suddenly there’s a hand on her shoulder, and Gideon is saying she’s already taken. ARIEL FOR THE WIN! Ya’ll wondering what Gideon’s wearing? No? I’ll tell you anyway!

He wore dress slacks in graphite gray and a black V-neck sweater, the overall effect being one of careless sophistication. I loved the look on him and was attracted to the softness it gave him, even though I knew it was only an illusion. He was a hard man in a lot of ways.

Okay, you caught me, I just wanted to quote the, “He was a hard man in a lot of ways” bit to you. Subtlety, ye have no place here.

Turns out Gideon owns the club. Really, book? Really? Shut the fuck up.

They start making out, but don’t worry, before things get sexy, they have to get creepy. She asks how he knew what she likes to drink and how he knew Cary’s name.

He inhaled deeply and then pulled away. Setting his drink down, he shifted on the sofa and drew a knee up onto the cushion between us so that he faced me directly. His arm once again draped over the sofa back, his fingertips drawing circles on the curve of my shoulder. “You visited another of my clubs earlier. Your credit card popped and your drinks were recorded. And Cary Taylor is listed on the rental agreement for your apartment.”

Luckily, Eva has stalkers in her family, so she’s used to this type of behavior! But don’t worry guys, he just wanted to figure her out. They discuss for like four pages about how he should be less creepy. And it ends with them making out. Jesus.

1+
Advertisements