I’m Literally Only Talking About The Sex Scene Ariel Didn’t Want To Talk About Yesterday: Bared to You Chapter Five

I had some old Amazon gift cards that were about to expire and so I decided to join the eReader world and get a Kindle. Unfortunately, all I’m using it for so far is this blog, so my Kindle literally only has two erotic novels on it. If I were to lose it right now, I’d probably not try to claim it.

Chapter Five

Eva wakes up hungover and tells us about how she negotiated sex with Gideon. Which is confusing because she didn’t actually have sex with him.

“We’re going to hang out, get to know each other, have casual-but-physically-intense sex, and be otherwise completely independent. No strings, no expectations, no responsibilities.”

Pro Tip: Hanging out is the strings, that you’ll get to know each other is the expectation (as it is a requirement for the sex), and, ever so technically, having sex that’s intense but maintains casualness is something both parties are responsible for in this arrangement. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

So good job at words.
So good job at words…

So they go to a spa and Ariel already explained how it’s dumb and demonstrates how hypocritical Eva is about hating and having money, so there’s really no reason for me to bother. But you know what Ariel didn’t want to talk about?

So then they start hooking up, and I have to say, it’s a huge step-up from the sex scenes in Fifty Shades. Like it’s actually decent, and I feel like if I were to quote it, I’d be just quoting decent erotica to you guys, which goes against the whole mission here at Bad Books, Good Times.

Guys, who wants to see me tear apart this sex scene Ariel wouldn’t touch?

Don't worry, Ariel, I got this one. You're welcome.
Don’t worry, Ariel, I got this one. You’re welcome.

So Gideon’s coming over and Eva’s all “And here I am in my thigh-length silk robe, my heavens!”

It was then that I remembered I was dressed in only a thigh-length silk robe, and my face and hair were styled for the dinner. What kind of impression would he get from my appearance?

A sexy impression, Eva!

“God. You look beautiful, Eva. I can’t remember ever wanting anything this much.”
With just those few simple words I became hot and needy.

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN: Tell a woman you just met that you’ve never wanted to stick your penis in anything more than her, then she will need said penis! SOUNDS REALISTIC, MEN!

“I’ll pick you up at seven.” His tongue traced the wildly throbbing vein in my throat and I melted into him, my body going lax as he pulled me close.
Still, I managed to say, “I haven’t said yes.”
“But you won’t say no.” He caught my earlobe between his teeth. “I won’t let you.”

On the contrary, Eva actually does say no a bunch of times during the next couple pages. Gideon just ignores her.

His mouth surrounded the tip of my breast, the wash of heat bringing a mist of perspiration to my skin.
My gaze darted frantically to the clock on the cable box. “Gideon, no.”
His head lifted and he looked at me with stormy blue eyes. “It’s insane, I know. I don’t—I can’t explain it, Eva, but I have to make you come. I’ve been thinking about it constantly for days now.”

This basically reads “I know you said no, but you don’t understand I need to, so don’t worry, all good.” This reads a little problematically.

Anyway, he starts fingering her.

“You’re so snug.” Gideon pulled out and thrust gently back into me. My back bowed as I clenched eagerly around him. “And so greedy. How long has it been since the last time you were fucked?”
I swallowed hard. “I’ve been busy. I had my thesis, then job hunting and moving . . .”
“A while, then.” He pulled out and pushed back into me with two fingers.

The conversation then somehow straddles the line between businessy and creepy.

Ha, straddles.

“I’ll prove I’m clean and you’ll do the same, and then you’re going to let me come in you.”

But wait! It gets even more horrifying!

“I want to feel my cum in you when I fuck you with my fingers. I want you to feel my cum in you, so you think about how I looked and the sounds I made when I pumped it into you. And while you’re thinking about that, you’re going to look forward to me doing it again and again.”

So, um, he wants to have penetrative sex, finish inside her, then immediately start fingering her so he can feel his own semen inside her?

I was going to throw up at this part, but then I just laughed for ten minutes straight instead.
I was going to throw up at this part, but then I just laughed for ten minutes straight instead.

Anyway, ready for an absurd amount of orgasms?

  1. Everything tightened in my core, the tension building as he massaged my clit and pushed his fingers in and out in a steady, unhurried rhythm.
    “Give it up to me, Eva,” he ordered. “Now.”
    I climaxed with a thready cry
  2. “No—” I pushed at his head with my hands. “I can’t.”
    I was too swollen, too sensitive. […] He rimmed my trembling slit, teasing me, taunting me with the promise of another orgasm when I knew I couldn’t have one again so quickly.
    Then his tongue speared into me and I bit my lip to bite back a scream. I came a second time, my body quaking violently
  3. I didn’t have the strength to push him away when he returned to my clit and sucked softly . . . tirelessly . . . until I climaxed again, gasping his name.

“That’s not so absurd!” I hear you say? Well, then, what if I were to tell you that I barely cut any of the scene? This all happens within a page.

But Is It Better Than Fifty Shades of Grey?

In terms of the orgasm to pages of sex ratio?

The Winner This Round: Bared To You

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  1. Manny Reply

    “I want to feel my cum in you when I fuck you with my fingers. I want you to feel my cum in you, so you think about how I looked and the sounds I made when I pumped it into you. And while you’re thinking about that, you’re going to look forward to me doing it again and again.”

    This part made me sick with nausea… And she actually makes sex with a man who says such words? I guess even a porn movie is more elegant than this…

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    • matthewjulius Post authorReply

      I guess technically this is just porn as well, just without the loud, fake moaning. But yeah, this was kind of the most disgusting thing I ever read, even more so than Fifty Shades’s infamous tampon scene.

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      • Amy Reply

        How much is this guy totally into himself?? It’s like, “hey babe, I’m so hot – you’re going to not believe how hot I am when I lose my jizz…” and seriously, any guy who thinks he looks hot when he does that (and not just like someone with possibly life-threatening neural compromise) loves himself waaay too much.

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  2. 22aer22 Reply

    But I did make fun of the sex scene…just not every line :p rude. Also ““God. You look beautiful, Eva. I can’t remember ever wanting anything this much.”
    With just those few simple words I became hot and needy.” The thing is, if you’re already into a guy, this is actually one of the hottest things to be told!

    But otherwise bahahahha

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  3. Bellomy Reply

    Whoops, this is a reply to Matthew’s comments on the tampon scene.

    (This is now the second time I’ve done this in, like, the past two weeks I think?)

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