Sex in a Limo: Bared to You Chapter 6

Has anyone here played lolcaptions on It’s awesome. Not-boyfriend and I have been playing quite a bit these last few days despite finals work looming over our heads. Then I sucked Matthew and a couple other friends into the mix. I’m just hoping I can now cause others to procrastinate just like us! Also, seriously, we should all play lolcaptions together. Pictures come up, you make silly captions, and then vote on the best ones.

Oh, I guess I have to talk about Bared to You now.

Totally mature, obviously!
Totally mature, obviously!

Chapter 6

Feels like just yesterday we were reading the beginning of this book and Eva had just fallen on the floor in front of Gideon in a totally platonic way! And here they are now, finger-banging and going to fundraisers and shit.

The last chapter ended like this:

“Seven o’clock, Eva.” He reached down and touched my ankle, his fingertips caressing the diamond anklet I’d put on in preparation for the evening. “And keep this on. I want to fuck you while you’re wearing nothing else.”

Naturally, the next chapter begins with:

“Hey, Dad. I caught you.”

Because that’s not at all jarring or weird.

Eva explains that she used to be able to see her father weekly but can’t now that they’re on opposite sides of the country. Eva makes a point to tell the reader that she skipped over all the Gideon parts when telling her father about her new life in NY. Considering 90% of their interactions have been about their future fucking, I’m not surprised she decided to leave Gideon out of the stories.

Eva’s dad has slightly more personality than Ray over in Fifty Shades (Ana’s dad) and seems nice enough. We also find out more about Eva’s past trauma, her mother, and her father’s feelings about her mother:

I thought my dad might still love my mom. He’d never married. That was one of the reasons I never told him about what happened to me. As a cop, he would’ve insisted on pressing charges and the scandal would have destroyed my mother. I also worried that he’d lose respect for her or even blame her, and it hadn’t been her fault. As soon as she’d found out what her stepson was doing to me, she’d left a husband she was happy with and filed for divorce.

The order of that paragraph makes no sense. Because he’d never married, Eva never told her what happened to him. That should lead into the whole losing-respect-for-the-mother thing; instead, it leads into the cop thing, thus rendering what could have been a somewhat interesting paragraph, totally fucking stupid.

At least her mom put her kid first, though and isn’t a total crazy asshole.

In case you were wondering about Eva’s dress for the night and the title of the book, here’s the section of the book for you!

There was no back to speak of, aside from a slender strip of rhinestones that connected one side to the other to keep the front from falling off. Otherwise, the back was bared to just above the crack of my buttocks in a racy V-cut.

The original title of the book was actually Bared to Just About the Crack of my Buttocks but for some reason it got vetoed at the last minute.

Eva uses one of her descriptions of how attractive Cary is to segue into how they met and became friends:

He’d finally propositioned me crudely, having come to believe the only reason people associated with him was because they wanted to fuck him. It was when I declined, firmly and irrevocably, that we finally connected and became best friends. He was the brother I’d never had.

“Hey, you’re talking to me, so you clearly must wanna fuck me. Let’s fuck.”


“Okay, let’s be best friends instead.”

He was the brother I never had.

Or at least, that’s how I imagine that’s how this conversation must have gone.

Cary tells Eva he’s printed out a bunch of articles on Gideon and left them in her room for her. If Gideon sees this and it causes drama I’m going to barf. Overplayed and dumb. Anyway, we find out Gideon’s dad was super rich, but then was involved in a Ponzi scheme and ended up committing suicide when Gideon was five.

For some reason in both this book and Fifty Shades, when the female protagonist imagines the male protagonist in pain as a child, she imagines him as a child and reminds us of his features to somehow elicit more sympathy from the reader? Like Eva makes this really big point of telling us the little boy has Gideon’s beautiful blue eyes, and if memory serves, Ana is always talking about Christian as a young copper-haired boy when she’s thinking about his tortured childhood.

Gideon picks Eva up, and two women in the lobby of Eva’s building gaze longingly at Cary and Gideon. I’ve noticed that another theme in these books seems to be the glee that the main character gets when she sees other women’s envious gazes. Like it’s not enough to have a hot guy–other women have to want what the main character has or it isn’t valid damn it!

Then they make out in a limo:

I sucked on his tongue, having learned how much he liked it, having learned how much I liked it, how much it made me want to suck him elsewhere with the same eagerness.

She means his toes, right?

Yet another theme in these books is that the woman is just always ready to go with no foreplay. And then men are always in awe. It’s like, “All I said was, ‘Put that chicken in the fridge, and you’re so wet for me?'” Yeah, it’s shocking to us readers too, male protagonists.

So then they bone in the limo, in case you didn’t see that coming. And, you know, I don’t think it’s terrible or anything until this line:

He was so beautiful sprawled beneath me in his elegant tuxedo, his powerful body straining with the primal need to mate.

Primal need to mate? Really? Ya couldn’t get a little sexier than that, Sylvia Day?

But then I just get confused:

A breathless cry escaped me before I’d taken him to the root. He was so deep I could hardly stand it, forcing me to shift from side to side, trying to ease the unexpected bite of discomfort. But my body didn’t seem to care that he was too big. It was rippling around him, squeezing, trembling on the verge of orgasm.

So for a second, I’m like wow, this is kind of realistic? That his size is actually problematic and not totally awesome. But then, despite the pain she seems to be in, she’s like, “Well, I’m going to orgasm after .5 second anyway! Tee hee!” What the what?

After the sex, Eva feels really connected to Gideon at first, but then suddenly he gets all distant and weird, and the chapter ends on that note. Whomp whomp.



  1. Bellomy Reply

    So, Gideon’s penis was causing her pain, that she admitted she didn’t expect or want to feel…but this means nothing to her, so long as she orgasms.

    Glad we cleared that up. We don’t want people getting confused.

    Eva is the weird, slightly evil opposite of Ana. Ana get jealous when Christian Grey (for some reason I always feel the need to write his full name out) anthropomorphizes objects into females when talking casually to his fiancee, who also happens to be her (he must be sleeping with the helicopter, that bitch!).

    Eva, on the other hand, according to you seems to get this nasty pleasure out of making other women jealous of her. It’s like Sylvia Day realized that both Ana and Bella Swan were paranoid lunatics and so specifically fashioned Eva to be the polar opposite-“See! She’s NOTHING like Ana! Nothing! She LIKES it when other women ogle her man!” It’s not enough for Eva to be NORMAL-no, she needs to be specifically vindictive in her desire to actually cause others envy. Who needs real character traits when you can just take cartoonish extremes and attach them to names, amirite?

    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      Ana got the same pleasure out of it sometimes, too, though. Sure she expresses jealously any time a woman (even a real estate agent) smiles at her guy, but she also derives pleasure out of it because she gets to remind herself she’s with this sexy guy. Eva seems to be going down a somewhat less insecure path, but still the same smug, obnoxious attitude. Urrrrg these women!!

  2. Chuck Reply

    “Put the chicken in the fridge” is a panty dropper, plain and simple. Works every time.

  3. Ali Reply

    Why does Christian G have copper hair as a kid and black hair as an adult? James knows that copper is red, right? Or did I make up the fact that CG has black hair?

    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      You’re right! Those weird mental-images of Ana’s always perplexed me, but now there’s another layer of confusion for me!

  4. Manny Reply

    “Primal need to mate” matches the “medulla oblongata” thing on FSOG…

  5. Judy Reply

    Was Cary in the limo with them??? Wasn’t he with Eva in the lobby when Gideon picked her up? You mentioned women ogling both men. Also the “original title” was great, guess they needed something shorter. lol

    • Chloe Reply

      I could probably dig this book more if it involved threesomes and polyamory between Gideon/Eva/Cary. Better written, it would be interesting. But with this author something like that would be way hilarious and ridiculous.

      • Ali Reply

        There’s a 50 Shades esque book in the drug store that’s about threesomes and poly. I’ll try and find the title

    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      No, no. Cary walked down to the lobby with them but then headed to the party on his own. Shoulda made that clearer!

      But that would make this book way more interesting, actually.

  6. Manny Reply

    Just learnt that in October 2012 the second installment, Deeper in You (is it a threat or a promise?!), came out.
    Waiting for you guys to review it! ^^

    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      Whaaaaa??!?!! What the fuck else is there to write about in this series! I don’t want to read about Ana taking a kid to daycare or something equally awful.

        • 22aer22 Post authorReply

          Oh god…I am losing my mind. If you hadn’t pointed that out to me I actually would have spent the next who-knows-how-long believing we already had 2 more Fifty Shades books to read. It would have ruined the holidays!!

  7. Ali Reply

    the second installment is Reflected in You, it’s already out, the only reason I know is because it was recommended to people who liked 50 Shades of Boring

    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      I don’t know how it could get more boring. I mean, it wouldn’t get more interesting, but if there’s nothing to say now, good lord!


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