Has anyone here played lolcaptions on whirled.com? It’s awesome. Not-boyfriend and I have been playing quite a bit these last few days despite finals work looming over our heads. Then I sucked Matthew and a couple other friends into the mix. I’m just hoping I can now cause others to procrastinate just like us! Also, seriously, we should all play lolcaptions together. Pictures come up, you make silly captions, and then vote on the best ones.
Oh, I guess I have to talk about Bared to You now.
Feels like just yesterday we were reading the beginning of this book and Eva had just fallen on the floor in front of Gideon in a totally platonic way! And here they are now, finger-banging and going to fundraisers and shit.
The last chapter ended like this:
“Seven o’clock, Eva.” He reached down and touched my ankle, his fingertips caressing the diamond anklet I’d put on in preparation for the evening. “And keep this on. I want to fuck you while you’re wearing nothing else.”
Naturally, the next chapter begins with:
“Hey, Dad. I caught you.”
Because that’s not at all jarring or weird.
Eva explains that she used to be able to see her father weekly but can’t now that they’re on opposite sides of the country. Eva makes a point to tell the reader that she skipped over all the Gideon parts when telling her father about her new life in NY. Considering 90% of their interactions have been about their future fucking, I’m not surprised she decided to leave Gideon out of the stories.
Eva’s dad has slightly more personality than Ray over in Fifty Shades (Ana’s dad) and seems nice enough. We also find out more about Eva’s past trauma, her mother, and her father’s feelings about her mother:
I thought my dad might still love my mom. He’d never married. That was one of the reasons I never told him about what happened to me. As a cop, he would’ve insisted on pressing charges and the scandal would have destroyed my mother. I also worried that he’d lose respect for her or even blame her, and it hadn’t been her fault. As soon as she’d found out what her stepson was doing to me, she’d left a husband she was happy with and filed for divorce.
The order of that paragraph makes no sense. Because he’d never married, Eva never told her what happened to him. That should lead into the whole losing-respect-for-the-mother thing; instead, it leads into the cop thing, thus rendering what could have been a somewhat interesting paragraph, totally fucking stupid.
At least her mom put her kid first, though and isn’t a total crazy asshole.
In case you were wondering about Eva’s dress for the night and the title of the book, here’s the section of the book for you!
There was no back to speak of, aside from a slender strip of rhinestones that connected one side to the other to keep the front from falling off. Otherwise, the back was bared to just above the crack of my buttocks in a racy V-cut.
The original title of the book was actually Bared to Just About the Crack of my Buttocks but for some reason it got vetoed at the last minute.
Eva uses one of her descriptions of how attractive Cary is to segue into how they met and became friends:
He’d finally propositioned me crudely, having come to believe the only reason people associated with him was because they wanted to fuck him. It was when I declined, firmly and irrevocably, that we finally connected and became best friends. He was the brother I’d never had.
“Hey, you’re talking to me, so you clearly must wanna fuck me. Let’s fuck.”
“Okay, let’s be best friends instead.”
He was the brother I never had.
Or at least, that’s how I imagine that’s how this conversation must have gone.
Cary tells Eva he’s printed out a bunch of articles on Gideon and left them in her room for her. If Gideon sees this and it causes drama I’m going to barf. Overplayed and dumb. Anyway, we find out Gideon’s dad was super rich, but then was involved in a Ponzi scheme and ended up committing suicide when Gideon was five.
For some reason in both this book and Fifty Shades, when the female protagonist imagines the male protagonist in pain as a child, she imagines him as a child and reminds us of his features to somehow elicit more sympathy from the reader? Like Eva makes this really big point of telling us the little boy has Gideon’s beautiful blue eyes, and if memory serves, Ana is always talking about Christian as a young copper-haired boy when she’s thinking about his tortured childhood.
Gideon picks Eva up, and two women in the lobby of Eva’s building gaze longingly at Cary and Gideon. I’ve noticed that another theme in these books seems to be the glee that the main character gets when she sees other women’s envious gazes. Like it’s not enough to have a hot guy–other women have to want what the main character has or it isn’t valid damn it!
Then they make out in a limo:
I sucked on his tongue, having learned how much he liked it, having learned how much I liked it, how much it made me want to suck him elsewhere with the same eagerness.
She means his toes, right?
Yet another theme in these books is that the woman is just always ready to go with no foreplay. And then men are always in awe. It’s like, “All I said was, ‘Put that chicken in the fridge, and you’re so wet for me?'” Yeah, it’s shocking to us readers too, male protagonists.
So then they bone in the limo, in case you didn’t see that coming. And, you know, I don’t think it’s terrible or anything until this line:
He was so beautiful sprawled beneath me in his elegant tuxedo, his powerful body straining with the primal need to mate.
Primal need to mate? Really? Ya couldn’t get a little sexier than that, Sylvia Day?
But then I just get confused:
A breathless cry escaped me before I’d taken him to the root. He was so deep I could hardly stand it, forcing me to shift from side to side, trying to ease the unexpected bite of discomfort. But my body didn’t seem to care that he was too big. It was rippling around him, squeezing, trembling on the verge of orgasm.
So for a second, I’m like wow, this is kind of realistic? That his size is actually problematic and not totally awesome. But then, despite the pain she seems to be in, she’s like, “Well, I’m going to orgasm after .5 second anyway! Tee hee!” What the what?
After the sex, Eva feels really connected to Gideon at first, but then suddenly he gets all distant and weird, and the chapter ends on that note. Whomp whomp.