Divine Cheeseburgers: Bared to You Chapter 8

When we last left off, Eva told Gideon she was done with him for good. This is obviously true, and the rest of the novel is about Eva’s actual love interest who is a legitimately likeable man, and realistic, emotional, romantic moving things happen between them in a way that does not promote stalker-like tendencies, misogyny, or idiocy. So basically the rest of the book is going to be awesome, right? With chapter eight paving the way for an incredible journey to come!

“Do you want to be with me, Eva?”

“No. That’s what—”

“Not like we discussed at the bar. More than that.”

My heart started to pound. “What are you talking about?”

“Everything.” He left the bar and came closer. “I want to be with you.”

But Eva’s gonna be all like, “No way, Jose,” (see what I did there? I brought in a character from Fifty Shades who never really got any attention at all and was never a significant love interest in the slightest.)

“Whatever it takes to spend as much time with you as possible. In and out of bed.”

The rush of delight that swept through me was ridiculously powerful. “Do you understand how much work and time a relationship between us is going to take, Gideon? I’m wiped out already. Plus I’m still working on some personal stuff, and I have my new job . . . my crazy mother . . .” My fingers covered his mouth before he could open it. “But you’re worth it, and I want you bad enough. So I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”

What?! No! Eva! Think about all the other things you have to do! Like catch up on four seasons of The Vampire Diaries. The other day you were just saying how you were shocked that people loved it so much and you were willing to give it a try. Also, with krav maga in the mix how are you going to find the time to pursue something with Gideon? Think of The Vampire Diaries, Eva! I promise, there are more hot guys than you know what to do with in that show. Eva! No!

“Eva. Damn you.” Gideon lifted me, hitching one arm beneath my rear to urge me to wrap my legs around his waist. He kissed me hard on the mouth and nuzzled his nose against mine. “We’ll figure it out.”

I’ve lost her. I’ve really really lost her. They freaking nuzzled, you guys. There was nothing more I could do for her.

And not even Stephan's man-tears could bring Eva back.
And not even Stefan’s man-crying could bring Eva back.

But then this happened, and suddenly I was intrigued again.

He pulled the dome off my place setting and revealed a massive cheeseburger and fries. The meal was still warm, thanks to a heated granite slab beneath the plate.

You had my curiosity. Now you have my attention.
You had my curiosity. Now you have my attention.

What was that, Leo? Why of course I’ll run away with you forever! Let me just finish reading Bared to You winky wink.

I took a bite of my burger, moaning when I got a full hit of its flavor. It was a traditional cheeseburger, but the taste was divine.

You know what I also hear is divine? Orange juice! Why don’t you pair that nice cheeseburger with a side of blatantly stolen from Fifty Shades of Orange Juice is Fucking Divine. I hear it’s delicious as fuck.

“Very good. In fact, a guy who knows about burgers this good might be worth keeping to myself.” I wiped my mouth and hands. “How resistant are you to exclusivity?”

“I assumed that was implied in our arrangement. But to avoid any doubts, I’ll be clear and say there won’t be any other men for you, Eva.”

This book goes to show that if you eat a good burger with a man, it can lead to exclusivity in your relationship. Cosmo, take note and react accordingly.

Anyway, if the burger was a particular brand, I’d shout, “Product placement!” Instead, there are just an absurd amount of references to the burgers they’re eating, like someone told Sylvia Day she wasn’t setting the scenes enough, so she decided to just give a lot of attention to one really strange detail. Like seriously, the burgers are getting as much attention as the limo sex did. I just counted and they’re mentioned five times in one page!

So then Eva makes a joke about how she can hook up with women and not men. To which, Gideon responds with, ““I know your roommate is bisexual. Are you?” Okay, this is weird as shit because I’m reading a book in which I’m in Eva’s head and Cary is her roommate, and didn’t even know he was bisexual. So how the fuck does Gideon?

Even creepier:

“Sharing you would bother me. It’s not an option. Your body belongs to me, Eva.”

My vagina got depressed after reading that.

“And yours belongs to me? Exclusively?”

His gaze turned hot. “Yes, and I expect you to take frequent and excessive advantage of it.”

It perked up slightly after reading that. At least it goes both ways, and that was a witty, nice line. Much less creepy than the above one.

Eva makes a joke about how he’s seen her naked but she hasn’t seen  him yet, so he offers to rectify that now. But what about the burgers?!?!

xxxburger at your service
xxxburger at your service

No worries, they decide to have sex later instead of at the office. So Gideon goes back to eating his burger. Stand down xxxburger, you’ll get your day in the sun. They sexy sun.

The book quickly returns its focus to the burgers and mentioning them multiple times on one page, thus maintaining my interest as Eva and Gideon discuss all those mean things that Magdalena woman said to Eva in the bathroom. She was all, “You’re nothing but a walking dick motel.” And then Eva was all, “Well at least Gideon’s dick wants to be in my motel.” And then Magdalena was all, “I’m like a 5 star dick hotel that he’s saving up for.” Draaaamaaaa!!

Gideon’s brow furrows a lot and he says he’ll talk to Magdalena. Yeah ’cause that’ll go over well. People are so stupid when it comes to manipulative but attractive women (and men). It’s like they can’t believe that someone gorgeous can tell lies and shit. Oh, yeah, Gideon, Magdalena is going to fess up to saying all that stuff and admit she was jealous and being cruel. Even if she starts to play nice at Gideon’s request, you just know she’ll be “subtly” undermining Eva every way she can.

So basically what I’m saying is, Gideon is going to be totally ineffective and inept when it comes to the quieter ways that women can be totally horrible to other women. I’m hoping that this will play out in a more interesting way than any of the “other woman” drama did over in Fifty Shades Darker. I’m hopeful, but also doubtful.

And then something happens I wasn’t expecting. Eva has this amazing moment of total, badass, vulnerable honest. And a burger is mentioned in the same paragraph.

“I’m a very jealous person. I can be irrational with it.” I poked at my burger with a fry. “You might want to think about that, and whether you want to deal with someone who has self-esteem issues like I do. It was one of my sticking points when you first propositioned me, knowing it was going to drive me nuts having women salivating all over you and not having the right to say anything about it.”

I know I get Stockholm syndrome from all of these books, but seriously, you guys! I can relate so hard to Eva right now, and I am so proud of her for just coming out and saying it! Look at it. LOOK AT IT AGAIN! Look at that honesty. And she’s doing it all while eating a burger. In case you were wondering, the burger count for this page is four.

So they finish their burgers and go brush their teeth together. What an odd detail to include in this book. I wonder if Day’s publisher wanted more pages or something, so she had to go back and like add in weird shit like this:

We brushed our teeth side by side at the double-sink vanity, our gazes meeting in our mirrored reflections. It was such a domestic, normal thing to do and yet we both seemed to delight in it.

And then immediately after, they return to work! So random! Actually, they do kiss for a little bit, so maybe Day’s editor was like, “It’s great that they kiss now, but all I can think about is how they just ate burgers. Can you add in a scene where they brush their teeth and then kiss? That would be a lot sexier, and I think the readers would really appreciate that.”

Just to briefly recap for anyone who is overwhelmed, this is what’s happened so far:

-Eva is really angry at Gideon for being “distant” after they had sex in a limo.

-Gideon, who has previously insisted he doesn’t really want anything more than a sex buddy that he “respects”, decides the limo sex was so amazing that he wants to exclusively be with Eva.

-They eat divine cheeseburgers and discuss things.

-Eva is like, “Okay you are kewl. I’m in.”

-They brush their teeth.

-They kiss, and Eva is like, “So much can change in an hour. I’m happy lololol!”

Eva is all happy and stuff, but when she gets back to work, her boss Mark is like, “Be careful, Eva. I really like you, you’re super awesome, and Cross worries me.” Mark is a gay man, and a lot of people I like best in this world are gay men, so I’d take his warning to heart, Eva.

As a fun side-note, I’m going to visit not-boyfriend tomorrow, and he knows about my love for gay men, and gay men love him, so we’re going to use him as bait so I can make new friends! I imagine they’ll approach him, and I’ll turn around dramatically from a couch or something.

You had my curiosity. Now you have my attention.
Admit it, if he wasn’t an evil sadistic slave owner, you’d want to be his friend after this. Out of context GIFs are fun!

Anywho, Gideon picks Eva up after work and asks if she wants to head to the gym. Turns out he owns the gym she frequents, so he knows that’s where she works out! Is there anything this guy doesn’t own? I bet if Eva finds out he owns Burger King she’ll go nuts. This girl fucking loves burgers.

Sorry, I am really excited about seeing not-boyfriend, so I’m going to mention another fun fact. He is obsessed with Burger King because there aren’t a ton of them in England and one’s just opened by his home-home. The other day he goes, “So I’ll pick you up from the airport, go back to my place so you can shower, then we can take my dog for a walk and go to Burger King. Sound like a plan?” And he was really excited about this. Like it was a plan he’d been thinking of for days. Like gosh, how can I make this special and romantic? Oh, I know, Burger King. I was crying with laughter, and he was just like, “Lol…but I don’t get it…” He’s the best. He doesn’t even know I’m going to buy him a cheeseburger!

I don’t even get why they’re bothering to go the gym. Just partake in some sexercise guys, sheesh. The chapter ends with them on the way to the gym, so I’m really hoping chapter nine isn’t just about the gym. I simply don’t care to read that!

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0 comments

  1. Chuck Reply

    I can’t wait for the Bared to You/Fifty Shades crossover… Divine Cheeseburgers of the Vagina Ball Sisterhood.

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      You should be hired to write titles for all things ever. That is amazing.

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    • Bellomy Reply

      The plot: When Gideon Cross and Christian Grey meet their combined sexiness becomes so great they cause involuntary voice-activated orgasms whenever they are together. They use this new power to fight crime.

      Meanwhile, back at home Ana and Eva FINALLY get bit by zombies. Will the power of the combined sexiness of the Grey/Cross duo be enough to cause even zombie orgasms? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!

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