When we last left off in the rich world that is the Fifty Shades universe, Ana came home from a night out of being a disobedient woman to find that Jack Hyde had broken into her and Christian’s home. No worries, though, he was apprehended by security and is currently knocked out on the floor. Phew! Can’t wait to see how our heroes react to this one!
Don’t worry, nothing interesting ever happens in this series, so all the “action” took place while we were getting drinks with Ana and Kate. Everyone in the house is fine and security handled things, so, yeah, another “plot” may have just ended with nothing more than a nonexistent boom.
I bet you’re all scratching your heads, just wondering how on earth Hyde got into the apartment in the first place!
I stare down at Jack’s slumped figure. He’s wearing a uniform of sorts—coveralls, I think.
James missed a golden opportunity to have a hilarious exchange between Ana and a “disguised” Hyde. She would just clearly keep recognizing him through his terrible disguises like over-sized mustaches and hipster glasses, but he’d keep running away and coming back in more and more outlandish outfits. Damn, I’d read that.
Security says they need something to restrain Hyde in case he wakes up soon, and Ana’s all, “Um, I have cable ties…” Omg she uses those for sex! Tee hee.
Hyde had a gun and duct tape with him, and Ana is very shaken up by these sinister discoveries. Ana knows she needs to call Christian, but she’s scared ’cause he was so mad at her! I really think this kind of overrides all that, and if she doesn’t call him, that would only piss him off more. Let’s face it, though, what doesn’t piss Christian off?
The cops come and talk to everybody in the house, and Ana misses Christian in her typical, cringe-worthy way. “I want to crawl into his lap, have him hold me and tell me that he loves me, even though I don’t do as I’m told.” Man, maybe this is why I’m single! If I could just learn to take orders from men…It’s all coming together, you guys! I’m learning so much about relationships from this series.
Ana goes to bed missing Christian, and when she wakes up he’s creepily sitting in a chair by the bed. He’s really cold and mean to her as all good husbands must be when their wives don’t do as they’re told! How else will those willful women learn to be obedient?
Oh, I’m so relieved. Even though he tells us he’s way beyond mad, Ana still assures us he’s beautiful. I was so worried that being mad would make Christian look less attractive or something, and then I’d have to stop reading this amazing series. I’m glad James clarifies the important stuff for us.
Aw, you guys, Christian really starts to open up about his feelings here!
“I want to punish you,” he whispers. “Really beat the shit out of you,” he adds.
Again, glad this was clarified. When he said he wanted to punish Ana, I wasn’t sure if he was going to never let her watch X-Files again or lock her in a dark room for a couple days. But he just wants to beat the shit out of her! I’m glad he’s being so honest about his feelings; I’m truly starting to understand what so many people seem to love about this passionate, intense relationship.
Ana doesn’t react to this…at all. She’s like, “Yep, I know. Hope ya don’t. La la.”
After going back to sleep for a bit, Ana wakes up and drinks orange juice Christian brought to her. It is, as usual, delicious. Though not divine. I think we’ve seen orange juice appear in this series more than BDSM has.
Ana follows Christian to the shower, but he rejects her attempts to have sex with him. Yay! But then he starts freaking out about how mad he is…because she’s making him question his judgement? It’s so fucking unclear why he’s mad.
While at work later, Ana doesn’t actually do work. Instead, she wonders whether Christian came home early because he was mad she was out or because he’d heard what happened. SHE MUST KNOW!
I have to know—did he come back because of Cocktailgate or because of the fucking lunatic?
I’m going to sum up my feelings about this quote with an Arrested gif.
Okay so Ana e-mails Christian to ask him, and his vague responses clearly show that he came back because of the drinks thing. Then when he stops responding, Ana just flips the fuck out. She puts a lot of words in all caps and everything.
The things is, I agree with everything Ana says in the e-mail. She says she changed her mind about getting a drink, and she’s an adult (for some reason she writes “adult female” which seems fucking stupid to me) and can do that. Then she says he’s kept facts from her about the situation and if he would have given her all the information, she probably would have just gone home. She thought there was plenty of security with them, though. Basically, she’s like, I’m pissed too, fuck you.
Christian is a dick and tells her to watch her language and they’ll talk later.
For some reason when Ana gets home, Christian is wearing the jeans he wears in the playroom and has them unbuttoned and he’s like, “I’ve been waiting for you.” Ug, this book.