Will Wanderer and Melanie Ever Be BFFs?: The Host Chapters 5 & 6

Chapter 5

When we last left off, Wanderer was going to visit her Comforter who I guess is another soul-alien that is supposed to bring comfort to her. I mean, if we’re going by the name. Also,  I forgot to mention last chapter, but apparently at this point Wanderer has been living in this body for months.

This chapter is titled “Uncomforted,” which is so hilariously telling. Gee, I wonder if Wanderer is not happy after she visits the Comforter. Also? Simply not a real word.

I think we might have skipped ahead in time even more, because Wanderer says that the Comforter is annoyed that Wanderer still isn’t comfortable going to see her. I also thought that by this point we’d start getting more answers, but I’m just as confused as I’ve been this whole time.

“So, Wanderer. It’s been a while since you’ve come to see me.”

I met her eyes guiltily. “I did leave a message about that last appointment. I had a student who requested some of my time….”

Students? Wouldn’t this be an appropriate place for Wanderer to explain that in the last few months she’s started teaching or something?

From her conversation with the Comforter, I can glean that visiting the Comforter is the same sort of plot device used in stories that force a character, usually a teen or a reluctant (but traumatised) cop or doctor to go to therapy. It also starts to come together that the Comforter, Kathy, is married to a man named Curt who hired Wanderer to teach a history class to other souls. She’s just lived in so many different bodies and on so many planets! No mention of that dragon shiz again, though.

Exposition reveals Kathy and Curt met when they were assigned to take over the bodies of a married couple. This was back when there were still loads of humans around and they actually had to pretend to be their hosts. But their love prevailed! Kathy gives a whole spiel about how humans never figured out love and realizes that Wanderer is still dreaming about Jared. OMG WHAT IS LOVE!?!?!

what is love
I will always associate that song with these guys.

Wanderer admits to Kathy that Melanie is still really present in her body. Wanderer also admits she keeps her hair short because it pisses Melanie off. This internal warfare is so hilariously ridiculous and bitchy, I wish we’d get more of that. Like I wish we hadn’t skipped ahead months and instead had gotten to see Wanderer passive-aggressively eating food Melanie hates or cutting up her favourite clothes. Bring on the boy drama too!

Kathy tries to assure Wanderer she’s doing her best, or that she can switch to another host (which of course is frowned upon because you’re supposed to live in your host body until it dies).

I truly believe that if anyone else had been put into this host, Melanie would have crushed them in days. Maybe it’s an accident, maybe it’s fate, but it appears to me that the strongest of our kind is being hosted by the strongest of theirs.”

“Doesn’t say much for our kind, does it?”

Ours too. Melanie is the strongest we’ve got? Jesus, no wonder we were fucked.

Kathy suggests that Wanderer find another host body and have Melanie’s body terminated. Wanderer is having none of that, though. Because plot device!

I had not skipped out on the life term of my host. To do so was wasteful, wrong, ungrateful. It mocked the very essence of who we were as souls. We made our worlds better places; that was absolutely essential or we did not deserve them.

This just doesn’t add up for me. It seems like Melanie is making it harder for Wanderer to concentrate and make this world a better place. Anyway, she’s not gonna give up this body, and she truly believes they’re better than humans.

Chapter 6

It’s unclear if this is still the same session or a future one, but I think future. Kathy tells Wanderer to go make friends and hopefully bore Melanie into submission. We found out last chapter that Melanie gets bored when Wanderer is teaching her classes and becomes more dormant.

Then Kathy tells Wanderer she needs to get laid.

“And then there are the physical drives these bodies have. I’ve never seen or heard of their equal. One of the most difficult things we of the first wave had to conquer was the mating instinct. Believe me, the humans noticed when you didn’t.” She grinned and rolled her eyes at some memory.

I can just imagine that in this world humans only realized that their friends were aliens when they weren’t interested in sex anymore.

Kathy says Wanderer should keep her eyes open for some sexy piece of man meat. She and Melanie both are like, ew. Are they bonding? Maybe.

Then Kathy suggests that they might find Jared and maybe Wanderer will fall in love with the soul who takes over his body! Wanderer shouts, “No!” and runs away. She doesn’t know if she or Melanie is  reacting this way or both.

Wanderer runs away and starts puking. The Seeker from a couple chapters ago finds her, and suddenly Wanderer finds herself shaking her. OR WAS IT MELANIE!?!

Anyway, Wanderer lets Melanie take over and lie that the e-mail she sent to the Seeker about the dream (the dream about Jared and Melanie’s brother) was maybe just a dream. For some reason, because they both find the Seeker annoying, Melanie and Wanderer are on the same side. This so fucking stupid! There’s no character development, just another random ass plot device. If Wanderer liked this Seeker she  would have been helpful? But I thought they’re making the planet so much better?

The Seeker says she hasn’t seen the e-mail yet, but then randomly she’s like, “Oh, there’s another one on the loose.” But neither of them said anything right now about Jared! They literally just told her they sent an e-mail.

So I guess, without telling us, the Seeker read the e-mail. She thinks that Wanderer was seeing some sort of directions in her dream (Wanderer keeps seeing weird lines but can’t figure out Melanie’s secret. It is very poorly explained). Then they argue about how shitty the Seekers were when they took over the See Weed planet. Nope, not making that name up. Apparently the creatures curled up their leaves and stopped accepting sunlight so they all died, oops. The Seekers thought because they couldn’t run away they couldn’t escape. Melanie is proud of the creatures.

The Seeker explains that she’s got nothing better going on than to stay close to Wanderer until they find more humans to destroy!

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12 comments

  1. Bellomy Reply

    I’ve never seen a story as convoluted as this one where so little happened.

    Also, the souls are complete douches. Seriously, I actually hate them. Dicks.

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  2. theparasiteguy Reply

    So…Kathy and Curt had to pretend to be their hosts…in other words, lied…and this apparently worked…

    OBJECTION!

    It was said several chapters ago that souls pretty much can’t lie, except possibly for seekers. This is a clear contradiction!

    Bleh…was this book even proofread?

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  3. Kristin Reply

    Wait, so no one wants have sex??? Can we go back to the Crossfire series where everyone has sex all the time (whether we want them to or not?) Seriously Ms Meyers, even EL James can do better than this…

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  4. judy Reply

    This book so sucks, I am sooooo confused. Why did they take over our planet?? What do they want from us?? Souls suck and are poopy heads.

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  5. AJ Reply

    For some reason, when I saw the word “Comforter”, I was overwhelmed by a mental image of a…talking comforter? Wait. I know these, uh, “Souls” have supposedly taken over countless planets with all sorts of life forms, but now they’re even tackling inanimate objects? Why the hell would they do that? And how the hell does that even work?

    All I’m thinking of right now is…

    Seeker: I see you’ve been in many hosts previously…See Weeds [sic], Bears, Dragons…and what’s this? A Comforter?
    Ex-Blanket-thingy: It was an experiment. A very bad one. Those pesky humans always got under my skin.

    Unintentional funny much?

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      Hahahaha seriously I wouldn’t have been surprised if this had actually happened in the books. All of the planets Meyers tried to word-build for us in a few paragraphs of dialogue sounded ridiculous. I think there was one planet of “dolphins” who swam through the air that was water but not water because it was thick like jelly. So the souls taking over a Comforter people who are blanket-like would not have surprised me in the slightest.

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      • AJ Reply

        Considering that Meyer apparently intends to write two more books after this mess, we might even see that happen. Oh no. What’s next, I wonder? Chair Planet? Just imagine Wanderer getting all upset about people slamming folding chairs into each other. Or even just sitting on them, or touching them in any way. “OH NO YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO THE CHAIR THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO THEY DON’T APPRECIATE BEING USED LIKE THAT”

        Also, I wonder how the aliens managed to invade the Dolphin Planet and why they would ever do that. Dolphins aren’t exactly the most benevolent of all creatures…you’d think these aliens would object to, say, dolphins committing rape among other things. But NO, it’s completely unacceptable to slap people (looking at you, Brady Bunch) but sexual coercion is fine. WTF, Meyer. (And now that you mention it, if the water on the Dolphin Planet was thick like jelly, is it possible that the water was really just a conglomeration of acid-breathing dragons? Oh eeeeeeeew.)

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