Eva Lives a More Exciting Life Than You Do: Reflected In You Chapter 6

You may have noticed we’re playing around with the blog’s design! Feel free to leave us your thoughts/praise/damnation.

Chapter 6

Previously Eva had a secret plan to get revenge on Gideon for hiring security to follow her. But we’re not going to find out what it is. That would ruin the secret!

Gideon had yet to say a word to me about what I’d done, even though we’d talked the night before after Cary and I had gotten back form clubbing and again this morning when I’d woken up.

Because the only way to make this story more interesting is to intentionally leave out vital information.

God, I hope people get this reference.
God, I hope people get this reference.

Gideon comes into the room, Eva calls him “Ace”, Gideon asks why, they have entirely too much conversation about why she called him “Ace”, which is to say literally any conversation at all. Anyway, if you want to know what Eva’s sneaky secret plan was that the last chapter and start of this chapter dedicated all that time towards, here’s the one line of dialogue about it:

“Like I’ll get over the sumo wrestler you have shadowing me?”

Eva chuckles to herself about how she arranged for this, like how Gideon arranged for security to follow her. Then they stop talking about it. Good payoff, Sylvia Day!

Cary leaves to go gambling some more before they have to leave. Eva and Gideon are horny.

“You on your period?” (Matthew’s note: Wait, since when is Eva on her period? Dammit, Sylvia Day, you should have told us a dozen times a chapter since chapter three!)
I nodded.
“Then I’ll just have to come in your mouth.”

Can we go with Cary instead?

As Gertrude Stein once famously said, "A sex scene is a sex scene is a sex scene is a sex scene."
As Gertrude Stein once famously said, “A sex scene is a sex scene is a sex scene is a sex scene.”

And as we’ve learned through our adventures through erotica on this blog by now, if you’ve read one Sylvia Day sex scene you’ve read them all. Except this one is particularly indicative of an unhealthy relationship. Just… just straight up. Here’s everything that made me cringe when reading this scene (not including the parts of these sex scenes that usually make me cringe):

  • he caught me by the back of the thigh and yanked my legs wider apart. “You’re not going to get a hundred percent equality in this relationship.”
  • “I’m pissed at you.”
    “I can tell.” He didn’t stop moving. “That won’t stop you from coming.”
  • Gideon and I were dealing with adjusting to my period (wait, Eva’s on her period?), which had never been an issue for either of us in any previous relationship we’d had, but was in ours because sex was how he showed me what he was feeling.

And the absolute worst one:

  • I could tell him I loved him over and over again, and I know it affected him when I did, but he needed the total surrender of my body – a display of trust he knew meant a great deal because of my past – to really believe it.

There was this kid in my year in college who slept with a ton of women by using the same line with each and every one of them, that he didn’t know if they could be in a relationship until they had sex. Pretty terrible, right? This is more or less the same thing, except this book is marketed as romance.

Eva learns that Gideon made his fortune by gambling, or – more specifically – by playing blackjack and counting cards. Sure. But here’s the part I want to make fun of:

“Do you still gamble?”
“Every day. But only in business and with you. […] You’re the greatest risk I’ve ever taken.” His pressed his lips gently to mine. “And the greatest reward.”

And I’m not even going to make fun of the “His pressed his lips” typo (any more than I am right now, I mean). But rather how every fucking conversation between Eva and Gideon in this book is about how much they love each other, as if we haven’t been paying attention (by the way, does anybody know if Eva’s on her period or not?). But what Sylvia Day does to make it not look like she’s writing the same conversation again and again is to just put it in the context of whatever they were just talking about. If Eva and Gideon had just gotten ice cream, the scene would end with something like, “You’re the sweetest treat I’ve ever had”, or if Eva and Gideon had just gone rock climbing, the scene would end with something like, “You’re the greatest rock I’ve ever climbed”, or if Eva and Gideon had just robbed a bank, the scene would end with something like, “You’re the greatest vault I’ve ever robbed” or okay the metaphor is falling apart but you get what I mean.

Eva gets back after her vacation and, weirdly, the rest of the chapter is a series of short scenes that have nothing to do with each other. I guess to demonstrate how Eva’s life is so much more amazing than yours because escapism works by making a character whose entire life is improbably filled with glamor whether she’s banging her significant other who’s hotter and better in bed than yours or working at her job that is better than yours or eating a salad that is better than EVERY SALAD YOU’VE EVER HAD? Here’s the shit, yo:

  1. Eva’s boss Mark tells her that his partner’s sister Shawna got her tickets to a concert. They’ve met once, so briefly that I don’t even remember it. Making new friends success!
  2. Eva figured out an advertising campaign for the blueberry coffee. Corporate success!
  3. Eva was invited to lunch by her mother and Megumi, so all three of them go to lunch! Interpersonal success!
  4. Eva’s mother is really hot. She tells us a billion times. Genetics success!
  5. Eva gets a dessert she shouldn’t eat, but it’s cool because she’s on her period. Wait, Eva’s on her period?

Eva’s mom suddenly “stumbled forward, wobbling” while “staring at the Crossfire in a daze”, but she doesn’t tell anyone what she saw!

Of course, the chapter ends with Eva wondering what her mom saw and how that frightened her, because this narrative really isn’t offering any compelling reason to read the next chapter if doesn’t leave out basic plot information.

As Gertrude Stein once famously said, "Fuck this shit."
As Gertrude Stein once famously said, “Fuck this shit.”
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0 comments

  1. Bellomy Reply

    As Gertrude Stein once said, “If the person that Eva’s Mom saw isn’t Nathan then there is no reason Sylvia Day should be a motherfucking writer, because that’s pretty much the only way to advance the plot unless her Mom sees Gideon fucking somebody else, which we know won’t happen.”

    This is, of course, only a paraphrase. Gertrude Stein was not known for her brevity.

    Also, I got the “All That” reference. That show was on a couple of months ago on Nick. It wasn’t as funny as I remembered. “Drake and Josh” and “Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide” were the shit, though.

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      • Bellomy Reply

        Ned’s Declassified is probably the dumbest show I’ve ever really liked.

        Also, Spongebob just ended a moment ago. Classic Spongebob, of course. None of that new shit.

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  2. 22aer22 Reply

    Loving the All That reference! All the plot “information” we get is actually less vital than the vital information of All That. Fo seriously.

    Also, it still boggles my mind why Megumi and Eva’s mother hitting it off was treated as a Big Deal.

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  3. Molly Reply

    Haha, it took me a while to remember who Nathan was, but he’s the abusive brother right? I don’t care, I’m sticking with my “Christian Gray” answer in the poll. Dum dum duuuuum – can’t wait to find out if I’m right next week! 😉

    About the new design: my only issue with it, is that it’s a bit harder to read the blog from a smartphone now! It’s not the end of the world or anything, but just thought I’d give the feedback anyway!

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    • matthewjulius Reply

      yep! abusive brother! I would have thrown that in there in case people forgot, but sometimes I really don’t want to try to land a joke AND throw in the words “sexually abusive”

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  4. E.H.Taylor Reply

    I take one weekend every month or two and have marathons of shows I grew up with (the main goal is to see how all of these shows eventually ended since I have burning questions that need to be answered, for example; did Sonic, Sonia, and Manic ever find their mother?). All That is now going on the list in between Redwall and Toad Patrol. (Weekend planning success! Suck on that, Eva.)

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