Yeah, you read that title right. Get ready for some goddamn excitement. [Ariel says: I can’t get over the contrast between our titles from this week. We go from bomb threats to Starbucks no big deal.]
Zoey is currently in the middle of her interrogation from local detectives about the disappearance of the local high school football players, because it was more dramatic to split up the chapters like that.
“Where did you get this?” Neferet asked. I could tell she was trying to keep her voice under control, but there was a powerful, angry edge to it that was impossible to hide.
“This necklace was found near Chris Ford’s body.”
“It’s the leadership pendant of the Dark Daughters. […] I’m its leader.”
“I-I don’t have it with me. It’s in my room.”
How very convenient that Zoey doesn’t have this necklace that has apparently been mentioned previously! Seriously, does anybody remember this necklace? [Ariel raises her hand sheepishly: I ish-remember. Sort of like I had a nightmare about reading this book and that necklace was mentioned, that kind of half-remembering feeling. Does that count?] I realize we do a lot of paraphrasing and sometimes we miss things, especially in books like House of Night where there are a million insignificant details and it’s impossible to tell which are important because fucking nothing is actually progressing the plot. But that’s not really saying much, because the Casts spend so much more time telling us that Damien is gay or that Zoey likes Count Chocula or some shit that I remember those details but not this apparently important one.
Whereas I remember Dwight likes Count Chocula after a single reference because it was funny and memorable, which the Casts don’t get how to do either.
[Ariel says: Speaking of Damien, I just read an interview with the Damien who clearly inspired this Damien from the movie which clearly “helped” (if you can help something against your will) inspire this shitty series – Mean Girls! For some reason he wasn’t asked how it felt to have his character completely ripped off by this series.]
Neferet asks if Zoey is being accused of his death. The detectives say they’re just trying to get information, but admit that it does look like a vampyre attack because the body was drained of blood. Neferet comes up with another explanation that the boy was drunk and fell into the river and was cut up and drained of blood by rocks or also coyotes maybe I dunno, which apparently counts as an also plausible explanation. The detectives then ask where Zoey was between 8 and 10pm and Neferet is like “uh, at vampyre school, which goes from 8pm to 3am”. God, human detectives! Is this amateur hour?
They also ask to speak with Loren Blake. Neferet says that Loren went to their East Coast school yesterday before dawn, and will be back in a few days. Zoey, however, realizes that Neferet is lying because Loren was with her yesterday before dawn! She also freaks out a bit at the mention of Loren’s name, but fuck off, Zoey; there’s actual plot happening right now. [Ariel says: Neferet totes did it. Or someone we’ve never heard of who will be revealed in a thrilling “twist” later.]
Zoey has trouble sleeping that night, dreading her plan to call in a fake bomb threat to try to stop the bridge accident from happening. She’s also haunted by the football players’ suspicious deaths, and tries to understand how a Dark Daughters leadership necklace could have gotten there.
Aphrodite couldn’t stand humans, but to me that didn’t equate to kidnapping and killing a very built football player who couldn’t exactly be hidden in her lovely Coach purse.
Who couldn’t… what? What does that sentence even mean? I don’t understand the flow of logic for why someone would put a football player in a purse that he presumably could not ever fit in, nor why we still need to establish Aphrodite’s rich, spoiled character at this point. It doesn’t make a lick of sense and the reference is completely unnecessary anyway. Could you imagine if other books were written like this?
- Draco didn’t like muggles, but that didn’t equate to kidnapping and killing a muggle who couldn’t exactly pour paint on his state-of-the-art Nimbus 2001 broomstick.
- Katniss didn’t like the Capitol, but that didn’t equate to kidnapping and killing a citizen who couldn’t exactly wear her revolutionary Mockingjay pin like a top hat.
- Duckie didn’t like whatever James Spader’s character’s name was in Pretty In Pink, but that didn’t equate to kidnapping and killing a rich kid who couldn’t exactly do calculus with Duckie’s beaten-up Converse.
Zoey also “suddenly wanted Erik to hurry and get back to school”, and notes that “I’d been so busy lately that I hadn’t actually had time to miss him”, which I’m pretty sure we noticed. [Ariel says: Right, if you substitute the word “busy” with “obsessed with Loren” that sentence is actually accurate.]
Zoey tries counting sheep to get to sleep. Yes, the book goes into fucking detail about this. Not what’s up with the dead kids turning into vampyres, or the plot, but you can be sure we get a few dozen words about Zoey counting “Sleep sheep… hee hee.” Somewhat satisfyingly (for me), this goes about as badly as it possibly could for a person, as it turns into a nightmare where Zoey sees Loren Blake killing the sheep. [Ariel says: I am not one who normally finds anything even resembling violence against animals to be funny, but for some reason this is hands down the funniest thing in the chapter. I mean what the fuck?]
Zoey gives up and decides to just go out into town by herself, which it turns out she’s allowed to do so long as she hides her mark. This gives us some baffling new rules on vampyre science (vampyre fledglings cannot be physically apart from adult vampyres for too long or they’ll die, which is conveniently explained with “not even today’s cutting-edge science completely understood it”) [Ariel says: Coincidentally, not even today’s cutting-edge bloggers understand it either], but it also gives us this genuinely nice moment where we get to see a glimpse of how Zoey’s emotional and mental health is doing given all the changes in her life.
I needed to feel normal again – normal as in pre-Marked Zoey, when my biggest worry was geometry class and the only “power” I had was the eerie ability to find cute shoes on sale.
…mostly genuinely nice. [Ariel says: Nice try, Zoey. I’m pretty sure you told us once you made friends you started to feel normal again and it seems like you’re way happier in this life than the other one. Try again.]
Zoey decides to go shopping for some new clothes, describing her fashion sense as “‘weird’ and ‘out there’ because I liked to shop in the chic midtown stores versus the loud, boring, food court-smelling mall.” Therefore, this is the first place she goes to:
pretty soon the familiar smells and sights of American Eagle were working their retail magic on me
Is this a Colbert Report sketch? This is like saying you only like artsy, indie films, and then saying your favorite movies are Star Wars and Titanic. [Ariel says: I personally only like indie music like Justin Bieber, so I don’t understand what you’re trying to imply by criticizing Zoey and the Casts’ views on what isn’t mainstream.]
Zoey then goes to Starbucks [Ariel says: The indiest of coffee shops. I refuse to make a real basic bitch joke here, but just know I didn’t miss the opportunity because of an oversight. Those jokes just need to fucking die]. She gets a cappuccino. She specifies that it is yummy, just in case you dare to have opinions of your own, you fucking prole. Suddenly she sees Heath and the chapter ends, which is awesome, because Ariel has to write about it. Have fun, buddy! [Ariel says: Dude, your chapter was all about fucking American Eagle and Starbucks, I welcome the chance to make fun of Heath. My fingers are crossed more of his text messages are featured. You know what? Balls to the walls, I hope Loren shows up too! I can take it.]