The Epic Trailer for the Fifty Shades of Grey…Trailer

Earlier today, Matt asked me if the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer had been released yet. Because this is an incredibly time sensitive, pressing matter as we are your #1 source of FSoG related news (duh), I knew I had to investigate further.

What I found was far more shocking than the actual movie will most likely be.

The actual trailer isn’t being released until Thursday. If you think it’s cocky enough that a movie is hyping it’s fucking trailer, enter this:

Amazed that Fifty Shades of Grey somehow still manages to become an increasingly worse thing, we had to talk out our feelings on this one. We’ll talk about the trailer itself next week, but for this week, here’s our conversation about the trailer for the trailer, because seriously.

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Ariel: Fifty Shades of Grey has a trailer…for its movie trailer…WHO DOES THAT???

Matthew: Honestly, I’m surprised it wasn’t just the trailer for Twilight with the names voiced over.

Ariel: Shit, they could have saved themselves so much money!

Matthew: I guess I should actually watch it then.

Ariel: I mean… It’s so dumb… and Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” is playing for some reason.

Matthew: That’s literally the only thing I know about it. I see what they’re trying to do, because he’s – dramatic pause – fifty shades of crazy… in LOVE. So that’s probably what they were going for, but, honestly, they probably just pissed off a good portion of Beyonce’s fan base.

Ariel: HOW DID SHE ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!

Matthew: WHY IS QUEEN BEY DOING THIS TO US?

Ariel: At this point I’m actually more surprised there wasn’t a trailer for the trailer for the trailer.

Matthew: Okay, I actually watched it now. There’s a joke to be made about withholding gratification in here.

Ariel: Joke: “Comes to life…” Also: “Comes to life… as a trailer.”

Matthew: Joke: “See the movie.” That’s a joke right there, right?

Ariel: I laughed at that.

Matthew: Oh good, it is a joke. I thought so.

Ariel: I just want to know what kind of conceited fuck nuts decided it was acceptable to release a trailer for a fucking trailer – are these are the same kinds of people who would be like Better Call Saul isn’t enough we need to go back even further into the Breaking Bad mythology.

Matthew: We should maybe actually talk about the trailer itself. Maybe analyze some stuff.

Ariel: A door closes.

Matthew: I notice Christian Grey has hands. Keeping it close to the source material.

Ariel: Seriously, I can’t believe they had the nerve to write “the worldwide phenomenon comes to life.” NO IT DOESN’T IT’S THE TRAILER.

Matthew: I think it came prematurely.

Ariel: This must be their first trailer.

Matthew: The studio was probably all, “That only lasted for like fifteen seconds”.

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0 comments

  1. Readingtrash Reply

    “the worldwide phenomenon comes to life.”: not another zombie movie, I hope.

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  2. Claudia M. Reply

    Anyone else getting a creepy vibe from this? I got murderer breaking into a house from this, not super sexy billionaire. Seriously, replace the Beyonce (Queen Bey, why would you do this!) with any horror movie music and I’d be scared. Just like I was of Christian the whole damn series.

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    • Savvy Reply

      I thought it was kind of creepy too. Wouldn’t it be awesome if that was intentional and the movie is actually about a mentally unstable woman in an abusive relationship with a very controlling and sometimes quite frightening man, and isn’t supposed to be a totally dreamy love story or whatever?

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      • 22aer22 Reply

        Omg Savvy…the actual trailer seems even more creepy. I genuinely felt like it was a trailer for a scary movie.

        The film you’ve described would be amazing. I’d respect them so much if that was their interpretation of the book.

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        • Savvy Reply

          That would be awesome enough on its own, and then it would be super hilarious to see how all the series’ fans reacted to it.

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  3. Judy Reply

    I thought it was a trailer for The Strain with that creepy sound in the background.

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  4. bookbaron Reply

    My sister actually jumped at the sigh in the beginning when I played it for her. She was like “Fuck. Why did that scare me?”

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  5. Kristin Reply

    Just watched it. I think she makes a great Anastasia but I’m not liking him as Christian. But they made sure to include all the fangirl elements of the book in the trailer (the helicopter, the jeans in the red room, the glider). Even a creepy allusion to the bathroom tampon scene? (Ew) For what it’s worth, I’m not a Beyoncé fan so I could care less if she attached a song to this mess.

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    • 22aer22 Reply

      Okay but I will say she does seem perfect as Ana (I already liked Ana more in the trailer than I did for the whole series. I think it was the lack of hearing her thoughts. Shit I’m writing all my blog post thoughts here.) But Dornan as Christian BOOOOOO.

      Seriously it felt like a horror movie preview tho.

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      • Kristin Reply

        Good! It’s not just me that thought the same thing about Ana. Still hope the movie is just as mock worthy as the book!!

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  6. Manny Reply

    Just seen the official trailer! Not sure if I like the male lead as Christian… I had pictured him a bit differently in my mind. What do you think of the acting?

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    • 22aer22 Reply

      I’m so with you, I liked Jamie Dornan in Once Upon a Time, but I don’t think he was the right pick for Christian Grey. I don’t find him convincing as him at all, but I guess I just have the trailer to base this off of. Ana seems like a great pick as I already find her more likeable than her book counterpart.

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  7. Manny Reply

    I’m translating a comment from an online newspaper which published the trailer. This is a comment from a man (at least the username is the name of a man). He’s responding to two women who criticize the trailer/book, and he says:

    “If it is so banal as you ladies write, then why have you already seen the trailer? The book should be read, the erotic story might be not realistic but it’s well written and runs smoothly. Let’s hope the movie is just as nice and not vulgar…”

    Now I wonder which book he read. Ok in the Italian translation we lost stupid things like “the medulla oblongata” or whatever it was, but the story is the same…
    Of course there are two people who respond “Well written?! What do you usually read, bus tickets?! The book seems written by an elementary school girl, it’s unreadable. Its only place should be in the paper thrash bin! You don’t know what a well-written book is”.

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  9. E.H.Taylor Reply

    All this trailer of the trailer makes me want to do is skip the actual trailer… I will say I’m looking forward to seeing all the spoofs people are going to make.

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