Obligatory Flash Forward Epilogue: Allegiant Epilogue

Guess what? We’re finally done with Divergent! Or at least we will be, once we learn what everyone’s doing two and a half years after the story ended, which is the obligatory move for all fiction series since Moses descended from the mountain with the stone tablets inscribed with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Thou shalt giveth children unto thy characters, who are now adults, and they shall have dumb names.
Thou shalt giveth children unto thy characters, who are now adults, and they shall have dumb names.

Well, at least we don’t have to worry about learning that Tris and Four have children named, like, Thirteen and Sassafras or whatever, like how Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and even fucking Fifty Shades of Grey ended in their completely necessary epilogues. Because Tris died.

Epilogue: Two and a Half Years Later

Ugh, seriously, fuck you, J K Rowling.

This could all have been avoided, but NOOO we had to learn that Harry has three kids and Neville's a professor.
This could all have been avoided across so many subsequent, completely unrelated books, but NOOO we had to learn that Harry has three kids and Neville’s a plant professor.

We open with a scene where Tobias picks up Evelyn to take her back to Chicago, which has changed so much in the past two years that “I don’t see the harm in her coming back, and neither does she”. Tobias explains that people frequently come and go from Chicago, including people from the fringe. Tobias does not explain how the economy recovered enough to allow for social mobility from such rampant poverty, but I’m sure it had something to do with serums.

“How are you?” she says.
“I’m . . . okay,” I say. “We’re scattering her ashes today.”
I glance at the urn perched on the backseat like another passenger. For a long time I left Tris’s ashes in the Bureau morgue, not sure what kind of funeral she would want, and not sure I could make it through one. But today would be Choosing Day, if we still had factions, and it’s time to take a step forward, even if it’s a small one.

Jesus, remember when these books were about factions? They’ve been irrelevant in the plot for so long, this is less symbolic and more #throwbackthursday, which I assume is an awkward tone to set for scattering ashes.

Evelyn asks what living without factions is like and Tobias replies that it’s “very ordinary”, which I’m sure will be a meaningful explanation to a middle-aged woman who lived her entire life not doing that. Tobias also explains that some scientists are trying to restore the Chicago river and Lake Michigan, which you might recall were partially drained, on purpose, for reasons. Probably serums.

"Hey, let's partially drain one of these." "What purpose does that even-" "SERUMS. FACTIONS. GENETICS. JESUS, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"
“Hey, let’s partially drain one of these.” “What purpose does that even-” “SERUMS. FACTIONS. GENETICS. JESUS, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

Anyway, I bet you’re curious what all our favorite characters have been up to for the last two and a half years! Right? Well, remember that almost all of them died, so, we’re left with, uh…

“George says he needs some help training a police force,” Evelyn says.

arrested development who

[Shauna] has a better wheelchair now, one without handles on the back, so she can maneuver it more easily.

parks and rec craig who even are you

Zeke and Amar are policemen

spongebob who are you people

There are, of course, plenty of familiar names left. Although a lot of them are either still so relatively new to the story (replacing those that didn’t make it) that I never had time to care about what they were involved with then, much less now:

Cara [works] in the laboratories [in] a small segment of the Department of Agriculture

Continuing Neville's proud tradition of "friend who gets a line in the flashforward to make sure we all know they work with plants"
Continuing Neville’s proud tradition of “friend who gets a line in the flashforward to make sure we all know they work with plants”

And sometimes not even Tobias seems to be able to care about them.

Matthew works in psychiatric research somewhere in the city— the last time I asked him, he was studying something about memory.

As for characters we actually care about (editor’s note: ????), we learn that:

  • Tobias is an assistant to Johanna Reyes, who is now a politician, and he hopes to be one too, someday
  • Christina works with a company that relocates people from the fringe to the city
  • Caleb works in the Department of Agriculture with Cara. Tobias says he made his peace with Caleb, but his similarities to Tris are “not enough of her, but [are] also far too much”, which is fair
  • Nobody knows where Marcus is. Tobias says that someone told him he left, and he didn’t care to ask where. Much like Allegiant did with any of the plots that Marcus was relevant in.
  • Peter went to Milwaukee and nobody cares

But none of those are even the most shocking change that’s taken place in the last two and a half years, and I know you’re all dying to learn what happened to…

The trains.

the train is coming. It charges toward us on the polished rails, then squeals as it slows to a stop in front of the platform.

THE TRAINS STOP NOW.

Sayeth_What

After learning that the flipping trains have experienced more development than most of the characters in this series, the group goes to the top of the John Hancock building, where they will spread Tris’s ashes by zipline, which even the black hole in my brain that is supposed to have feelings about Divergent has to admit is pretty fucking badass.

Although, like all of Divergent, it’s about 10% things happening and 90% people narrating what the things mean. Sometimes to the point where they forget to pay any attention to the things themselves.

I understand why she did it this way, face-first— it was because it made her feel like she was flying, like she was a bird.
I can still feel the emptiness beneath me, and it is like the emptiness inside me, like a mouth about to swallow me.
I realize, then, that I have stopped moving. The last bits of ash float on the wind like gray snowflakes, and then disappear.

Yeah, that seems about par for the course.

Since I was young, I have always known this:Life damages us, every one. We can’t escape that damage.
But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other.

You know who else mends stuff? Editors.

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0 comments

  1. Skylar Reply

    To be completely honest, I couldn’t stay with every post of the Divergent series. You are both hilarious, but I just could not read every post because Divergent is so… so… SO boring. In FSoG, there are things I could get mad at or laugh my head off about because of the sheer stupidity in it, but with Divergent there was nothing. Well, no, that’s not entirely fair. There were serums…

    But congratulations, you finished! I didn’t even read all of the posts and it felt like it went on forever.

    I really didn’t care much for the epilogue for Harry Potter either. Someone kept telling me that it was necessary in order to show that Harry was truly grateful toward Snape and whatnot, but… really? That couldn’t have been shown some other way?

    If you guys don’t know what awful thing to read next, you may want to look into Save the Pearls: Revealing Eden. This may be an easier book to read because the majority of its audience also hate it, unlike with FSoG, where people defend the abuse and sexism.

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    • Dana Reply

      I’m still campaigning for Tiger’s Curse one day (the main character is certainly in the running for Dumbest Protagonist Ever), but at the same time, reading it could very likely be considered some form of cruel and unusual punishment.

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      • Skylar Reply

        I looked it up. The summary is really weird and choppy, so I wasn’t quite sure what it was about except “tiger”, and “curse”, and “ordinary-not-so-ordinary girl”. Then they included this…

        “… In short, Tiger’s Curse is magical.” -Becca Fitzpatrick, New York Times bestselling author of Hush, Hush”

        and I knew it had to be bad. Still, I had to read the preview they give, and… well…

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  2. Honey Reply

    Did this add anything meaningful? I feel like it doesn’t say anything profound or even interesting. I do think there is some irony in Tris trying to take down the factions and get out of Chicago and then her ashes being scattered there. Lol! Never getting out.

    I agree with your thoughts on the HP prologue. No thanks.

    Congratulations! You both deserve a gold star for finishing this seemingly never ending series.

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  3. AW Reply

    To be fair, J.K. Rowling was far from the first to do a stupid epilogue; it’s been a staple of fantasy books for probably ever. Even Tolkien went and figured out how many children the Gamgees had (13! yikes) and how many of them were named for characters in the story (5). The Harry Potter epilogue was just extra stupid; I hated it because the whole series had to do with the apathy of this bureaucratic system that allowed a powerful racist to rise to power TWICE and all of these characters, at a young and idealistic age, while also being at the forefront of a freakin’ WAR, did not say, “hey, this would be a good time to make some major changes”?

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    • malcolmthecynic Reply

      Even Tolkien went and figured out how many children the Gamgees had (13! yikes) and how many of them were named for characters in the story (5).

      You say “even” Tolkien like this Sam thing was one little flaw, but Tolkien was working in an entirely different class. While he didn’t have an epilogue, per se, he had virtually every detail of that universe precisely worked out. The appendices were basically all of his extra worldbuilding and character notes, but presented as if they were archived in middle earth.

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  4. Madeline Reply

    I never read Save the Pearls, but from what I know of it it will make your brain shortcircuit with rage.

    I’m forever hoping that you guys pick up The Selection and rip it to shreds because of the money I spent on that damn waste of paper. It is hilarious though. But whatever book is next, I’m on board!

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