Zoey Finally Admits She Likes Aphrodite, Best Chapter Ever: Chosen Chapter 11

"this is torture gif"

House of Night, Chosen Chapter 11

Zoey gives a convoluted explanation about how she winds up finding a heart-shaped locket in some of Stevie Rae’s old clothes. A locket that was meant to be Zoey’s birthday present!

I was with her the night she died, and by the time I got back to our room the vamp cleanup squad (or whatever they’re called) had already been there and bad taken Stevie Rae’s stuff. I got pissed. Really pissed. And I’d insisted they put some of her stuff back because I wanted to keep things to rememberher by. So Anastasia, the professor who teaches spells and rituals (she’s really nice and married to Dragon Lankford, the fencing instructor) took me to a creepy storage room where I shoved some of Stevie Rae’s stuff into a bag and then dumped it back in what used to be her dresser. I remember Anastasia was kind to me, but she also clearly disapproved of me having keepsakes of Stevie Rae.

Zoey is that friend who when they tell you stories feels like they need to make sure you also get the backstory of every fucking person they encountered along the way. “So yeah, I was going to buy a sandwich, but the cashier who was at the till was really rude. It wasn’t the cashier who’s normally on the till who has three kids and has been trying out a new hairstyle because her hairdresser who was originally from South Caroline but moved to New York recommended a new look for her.” BUT WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH DID YOU GET, GIRLFRIEND?

After a fledging dies, the older vampyres just want the other kids to move on, but Zoey reminds us that she’s not going to just forget about her best friend because she’s still Jenny from the block. It’s a good thing that Zoey just happened to keep Stevie Rae’s articles of clothing that contained her birthday present. Thanks, Nyx.

So what exactly is inside this locket you ask, no one?

My fingers were shaking as I opened the locket. A many-times-folded picture fell out. I smoothed it carefully and, with a little sob, recognized it as a cutout part of a picture I had taken of the two of us (by holding the camera out, smooshing our faces together, and pressing the flash button).

I like how Zoey/the Casts feel like they need to give a detailed explanation about how one takes a selfie, right down to the smooshed faces. This will really bring the picture to life for the audience!

The Necklace of Friendship and Selfies gives Zoey the courage she needs to go steal blood from the kitchen. For some reason, there’s also a scene where she runs into some random guy from drama class who is looking for the drama professor. Even more baffeling than why this is happening is why this kid is hell-bent on practicing a year in advance for that Shakespeare monologue contest Erik disappeared off to for the entirety of the last book. Is that the only thing the kids in the House of Night give a shit about? This fucking Shakespeare monologue contest? What even is the prize! I bet it’s like a shitty friendship locket that you can put a selfie in. Which you can take by smooshing your face together with your friend’s and holding a camera out and pressing the flash button. DON’T FORGET THE FLASH BUTTON.

This random, stupid scene is just a vehicle for the Casts to drop a sweet Harry Potter ref.

“Oh, Zoey, sorry! Sorry!” Ian gave me a nervous little vampyre salute of respect, hand fisted overhis heart. “I—I didn’t mean to run over you.”
“No problem,” I said. I hated it when kids got all nervous and scared around me like they think Imight turn them into something vile. Please. It’s the House of Night, not Hogwarts. (Yes, I read the Potter books and love the movies. Yes, that’s more proof of my geekness.)

Admitting you like Harry Potter is like admitting you enjoy Game of Thrones. It’s weirder if you don’t. No one cares at all. And the reference doesn’t even make sense. The Casts just desperately felt like they needed a HP ref, so they threw it in during any scene they could. I feel like one of the judges on Project Runway, it’s poorly constructed, poorly executed and uninspired.

Before Zoey can go meet Stevie Rae, she calls Erik who is très bummed she is missing all of 300 and not by his side.

“Still at school?” he sounded annoyed. “But the movie’s almost over.”

I really hope Erik is not taking this call inside the theatre and ruining everyone else’s movie going experience. They show commercials before the movie advising against that, you know.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Are you okay? You know you should ignore the crap Aphrodite says.”

“Yeah, I know. But she didn’t say stuff about you.” Or at least not much stuff.

“It’s just that I’m majorly stressed out right now and I just need to think through some stuff.”

“Stuff again.” He didn’t sound happy.“I’m really sorry, Erik.”

“Okay, yeah. No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow or whenever. Bye.” And he hung up.“Crap,” I said into the dead phone.

I get that Zoey’s excuse doesn’t read as very convincing here, but again, why isn’t Erik more concerned for her? I’m actually not aiming this criticism at the Casts writing (for once), he’s just turning into such a douche, but I can still buy that in some situations he’s a really good friend, nice person, but it might just be so people fawn over him and think he’s amazing. Now that Zoey has her own shit going on that he’s not the centre of it he just hangs up on her. On the other hand, though, he’s stuck hanging out with all of Zoey’s awful awful friends without getting to spend time with the one person he wants to. Gotta feel for him on that front.

Aphrodite shows up to make everything better, and she reminds Zoey that Erik sucks and they should date instead. The second half of that is heavily implied.

“Bet he’s pissed,” she said.“Do you have freakishly good hearing?”

“Nah, just freakishly good guessing ability. Plus I know our boy Erik. You stood him up tonight. He’s pissed.”

Aphrodite is using Erik as a way to flirt with Zoey. This is not bitchiness, it’s straight up flirty teasing! Don’t let me down, Casts. This is the only relationship with any chemistry you have most likely accidentally written. Lightening will not strike twice here, so don’t fail me.

“Okay, first, he’s not our boy. He’s my boy. Second, I did not stand him up. Third, I’m so not talking about Erik with you, Miss Blow Job.”

Instead of hissing and spitting at me like I thought she would, Aphrodite laughed. “Okay. Whatever. And don’t knock something before you try it, Miss Goody-Goody.”

I mean, even though this banter is like C- at best, I am still like, awww Zoey is being told blow jobs aren’t inherently bad. Aphrodite is going to change her world <3

The girls agree that Zoey will bring Stevie Rae back to Aphrodite’s parents house and that Aphrodite will stay and…assist? I don’t know, Zoey just wants an excuse to spend more time with Aphrodite because she clearly realizes that she is this series’ saving grace.

We didn’t make small talk, but it didn’t feel all awkward and uncomfortable between us. It was weird how easy it actually was to be around Aphrodite. I mean, not that she wasn’t still a bitch, but I was kinda liking her.

laptop yay

And thus Zoey forgot about Damien/Erin/Shaunee/Jack/Erik/undead!Stevie Rae and just started hanging out with Aphrodite. The series was still terrible, but it was much more enjoyable than when those dicks were in it.

At Aphrodite’s house, Zoey admires the place and flirts banters with Aphrodite some more. She warns Aphrodite that Stevie Rae is dangerous and not to fuck with her because she might try to kill her. But obvs Zoey would protect her new BFF/love interest at all costs, so I’m not concerned.

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8 comments

  1. Kaymia Reply

    Uh…isn’t it a “shutter button”? The Casts had one job that no one wanted them to do and they still failed. Separately, the more of Zoe’s asides we read the more I’m convinced that at some point we’re going to learn that there are multiple people inhabiting her body. Only explanation I can come up with for all of her non sequitur nonsense. Aside from the obvious.

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  2. malcolmthecynic Reply

    So much to like here. These books are a gold mine.

    Please. It’s the House of Night, not Hogwarts.

    I like how knowing what Hogwarts is, the setting for the entire fucking series and the vast majority of six of its seven books, is proof you’re a Harry Potter nerd.

    Bitch, please. You’re not a Harry Potter nerd if you don’t know the careers of every character after they left Hogwarts. I mean, to be fair, Rowling tried to fit that in there and did manage to get a couple of pointless references in, but not all of them.

    Ahem.

    Some more:

    I was with her the night she died, and by the time I got back to our room the vamp cleanup squad (or whatever they’re called) had already been there and bad taken Stevie Rae’s stuff. I got pissed. Really pissed. And I’d insisted they put some of her stuff back because I wanted to keep things to rememberher by. So Anastasia, the professor who teaches spells and rituals (she’s really nice and married to Dragon Lankford, the fencing instructor) took me to a creepy storage room where…

    I’ve been binge-watching the U.S. version of “The Office” during my Netflix free trial and guys, Zoe is Kelly. She IS Kelly. At least in this scene. Kelly is far less of a bitch.

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    • Honey Reply

      Oh my god! YEEEEEEEES! Zoey is Kelly! I just reread that quote in Kelly’s voice and it completely fits.

      The U.S. version of ‘The Office’ is the beeeeeeeeeeest.

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  3. Lougoober Reply

    Don’t forget Zoey also thinks she’s a geek because she likes Star Wars.

    I get the “vampyre clean-up crew” probably wants to move the dead fledgling’s stuff out ASAP so their roommate doesn’t freak out or anything, but how can they be sure they’re only removing the dead fledgling’s stuff and not the surviving roommate’s? Even if they’ve clearly got a “my side/your side” deal going on, it’s still possible and likely their stuff would be mixed together, especially if they were super duper best friends forever like Zoey and Stevie Rae.

    I’m still enjoying look back and seeing what a huge dick Erik actually was before his massive dickishness outbreak in whichever future book it is. It’s just like, this whole time, he’s upset, and he has a reason to be upset, but he’s just more upset than he has a right to be and like you said, he’s not being very supportive of his girlfriend who’s still grieving for her dead friend. But I like the idea that he just finds Zoey’s other friends annoying.

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    • KatieKat Reply

      Oh my god, I felt the same with Erik being all like “oh I’m such I nerd I know all the Star Wars movies by heart.” Like, bruh, everybody does. It’s Star Wars. You want that sweet sweet nerd cred with Star Wars, you gotta know how the Kessel Run works.

      Also, I never noticed it before when I read the books as a teenager, but now thinking back…the whole thing with the teachers moving the dead fledglings’ stuff ASAP and strongly encouraging the rest of the fledglings to basically forget about them makes the teachers look highly suspect. Like they’re in on it. That might’ve actually made the plot a smidge more interesting.

      One last thing: damn you guys. I never thought of shipping Zoey/Aphrodite but now I really want it and I shouldn’t because Aphrodite’s clearly too good for her.

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