I’m doing our Lazy Reader’s Guide this week! That thing where we quickly sum up the chapters we read this week and share any extra fun stuff that’s been going on. Speaking of fun stuff that’s going on, just wanted to throw out the idea that, I dunno, the holidays are coming up, and maybe you have no idea what to get someone. Do you know that we sell mugs? We sell mugs.
There are a bunch. They’d probably be a great gift for someone who likes to get blog recommendations vis a vis gifted drinkware.
Life and Death (AKA Twilight Special Tenth Anniversary Edition: Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined) (Which I Think Is Technically The Full Title???)
This week in Life and Death, the gender-swapped Twilight, Edythe/Edward and Beau/Bella talk about vampires and their feelings, and then they… talk about vampires and their feelings. I am pretty sure we’re at the boring part of Twilight now.
Here’s what you need (I guess?) to know:
- Edythe tells Beau that she can step in the sun, but something happens.
- Beau is pretty sure he’s in love already.
- Edythe steps in the sun, but the chapter ends before we learn what it actually was.
And I think that’s actually all the “plot” that happened in four entire goddamn chapters this week. Yep, definitely a Stephanie Meyer book. So here’s the wacky nonsense that you need to know:
- Beau gets McKayla to start dating Jeremy by heavily suggesting that he has feelings for her, thus “breaking man code”.
- Beau gets Taylor to realize Logan has feelings for her by reenacting a speech he saw once on a soap opera, thus breaking the suspension of disbelief.
- Edythe eats bears.
House of Night #4: Untamed
We inched along in the seemingly unending first few chapters of the fourth House of Night novel this week, which have done excruciatingly little to set up a narrative. Even by House of Night standards, whose first book ended with a ghost attack from ghosts that were only ever mentioned that one time they ghost attacked.
This week, Zoey’s friends are sort of less mad at her for lying at them throughout book #3, and the human-for-reals-this-time Aphrodite has a vision that Zoey will die. So basically chapter 4 is the best chapter ever.
- New character Stark isn’t openly homophobic (like I said, the bar is low over here in House of Night land)
- The twins make lascivious comments about Stark and talk about how they wish his pants sagged below his butt, so that they would then be able to see his butt. You see.
- Stark is the greatest archer in the world, because every teenager at this school in Tulsa is the best in the world at something or other.
- Shaunee gives Zoey a fucking non-euclidean-sounding smile, which apparently means they might be friends again sometime soon.
- Zoey goes to her room and finds Aphrodite (who has been turned into a human and is faking being a vampyre with… makeup) and Stevie Rae (who is still a new kind of vampire and nobody’s clear what that means yet), who both fight over who loves Zoey more
- Aphrodite tells Zoey that she had a vision that the vampyre-human war will bring about the literal end of the world, and it will all be prompted by Zoey’s death. Which seems like a pretty fair deal.
Other Fun Things:
- Ariel sums up all the new news about the next Fifty Shades movies so you don’t have to
- The Mary Sue ran an interview with webcartoonist David Willis, who does Dumbing of Age, one of my favorite webcomics. They go into a LOT of discussion about writing difference and diversity and inclusiveness! This is an especially good read if you’re still fuming about House of Night being… the opposite of that.
- Vice‘s sister channel Noisey ran a great article on why Drake’s “Hotline Bling” is fucking awful. Seriously, fuck that song.
- For all our readers who care about critical discussion surrounding video games (do let me know if there are… any of you), Kill Screen ran a great piece on why “walking simulator” is a stupid term that means nothing
- This is probably old news by now, but it’s well worth revisiting Daniel Craig’s fantastically no-fucks-given-whatsoever interviews where he all but says that he fucking hates James Bond
- I can’t stop watching Polygon‘s Monster Factory series, because it’s the funniest goddamned thing.
“Stark, this is Jack. He’s Damien’s boyfriend.” I decided to get the introductions and the possible Oh, no! He’s a fag! issues out of the way. out my so-called friends without their prior consent and denying the the chance to do so in a way in which they felt comfortable, because I am Zoey, friend to all the gays! As long as they are the gays that I find acceptable. Love me.