Armada Chapter 11
After the video is over, a man gets on stage and everyone gasps:
It was Admiral Archibald Vance, the cyclopean EDA commander who gave players their mission briefings in both Armada and Terra Firma.
[…]
“Greetings, recruit candidates,” he said. “My name is Admiral Archibald Vance, and I’ve been a field commander in the Earth Defense Alliance for over a decade now. I’m sure many of you are surprised to learn that I’m a real person, and not a fictional character. But rest assured, I am real, and so is the Earth Defense Alliance.”
Why didn’t they hire an actor? Did this guy just never interact with people or go by a different name in public? That seems like a really weird way to keep all of this top secret.
The Admiral explains that these video games have been training them all to pilot drones! I had no idea. He also re-explains everything we just learned about the government keeping the aliens secret. The alien attack can no longer be concealed from the world, so they’re going to show the same video to the rest of the world.
It turns out the Icebreaker Mission we saw Zack and his friends play was actually real! And it failed! Useless idiots.
“If these aliens want to wipe us out, why wait forty years to attack? Why give us that long to figure out their technology and prepare to fight them off, when they could have wiped us out back in the seventies? Why wait?” I shook my head. “It didn’t make sense when it was backstory for the game, and it doesn’t make sense now either. I mean, why send a fleet of robotic drones? Why not hit us with a virus or a killer asteroid or—”
“Christ, who the fuck cares, man?” Lex hissed back.
I don’t care about much in this book, but I actually do want to know more. Lex throws out some ideas about why they might have waited, but she’s clearly half-assing it.
The Admiral reveals they only have 8 hours until three waves of increasingly difficult alien forces arrives. If this were like a Robot Chicken sketch parodying how ridiculous the “plots” to some of these games are it would be hilarious, but everyone is just like, “We don’t get the aliens’ strategy, but THE STAKES ARE SUPER HIGH!!” and I don’t find it funny unless I imagine Seth Green is involved.
Hope is not lost, though, because drones have been hidden all over the world, and soon the people of planet earth will be called upon to turn on their gaming consoles and pilot the shit out of these drones! HUZZAH!
He gives a rousing speech, but then warns there might be a sneak attack –
We heard a low, rumbling boom from somewhere far above us, like a muffled detonation, followed by a fierce tremor that shook the entire auditorium, like a brief earthquake. A few people screamed; then a warning klaxon began to wail.
“Red alert. This installation is under attack,” a synthesized female voice announced over the PA system. “All personnel report to your battle stations immediately. Repeat— this installation is under attack. Red alert.”
Lex and I exchanged looks of disbelief.
“Seriously?” she said. “This can’t really be happening right now, can it?”
Because of course the sneak attack is here and now. Maybe the aliens have learned to disguise themselves as humans and Lex is actually one of them. That would be kind of interesting, I guess. Or maybe the government is somehow behind all these attacks so they can get people so riled up that they can convince everyone to go attack an innocent group of aliens and steal their planet/resources. Having a “sneak attack” at this base right now would be enough to get the best of the best gamers on board for war.
Zack and Lex are assigned to different hubs, and Zack still feels like something is really off and starts to think about his dad before Lex interrupts and tells him to stop standing around. They run to their stations, and she even kisses Zack on the cheek. WOO BABY.
Once at his station, the EDA forces Zack to enlist with them before he can actually start fighting. Like I said, what an effective way to get their best people to immediately agree to enlist or else look like assholes. Zack even points out to us that he has 0 time to read the agreement they display to him.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I shouted. “I have to enlist before I can fight?”
“Only Earth Defense Alliance personnel are authorized to operate drones or engage in combat,” the computer repeated.
“That’s a little manipulative, don’t you think?”
Zack agrees to enlist because otherwise that would probably be the end the book. Damn it! I wish he had refused.
Zack realizes he’s the first drone out there fighting. I guess everyone else is taking the time to carefully read the EDA’s fine print. Lex is the lone ground fighter at the moment. These two crazy kids, man. Zack begins to fight!
Unbeknownst to me, I had just scored the first enemy kill of the battle, and the war.
After that, though, things began to go downhill.
Bum bum bummmm!
What if the aliens attacking are alien children, having fun with their own drones in alien!Armada because they were tricked to enlist with the AMO (Alien Military Organization) before they could play the most leetest game on their planet and use huge quantities of alien!pop culture references?
This would genuinely be a way better book
I miss the up-voting feature, because I’d definitely give this comment a thumbs-up.
Your wish is my command – I think I FINALLY found a plug-in that does this again for us!
Thumbs-up! 🙂
Please tell me Cline is using “cyclopean” to mean “one-eyed,” instead of its actual meaning of “gigantic,” because that would just make my day.