Calendar Girl (February) Chapter 7: WE GET IT ALEC IS FRENCH STOPPPPPP

I don’t even know what to say about yesterday, you guys. So instead, let’s come together to make fun of Alec and Mia and forget our troubles.

Last chapter ended with Alec telling Mia that he would be her muse for the shoot. You know, the one where he surprised her by making her pose naked with another dude, which made Mia super uncomfortable.

Calendar Girl (February) Chapter 7:

“You? My muse? How does that work?”

Yeah, how the hell is Alec going to be Mia’s muse? That’s crazy-talk. I just don’t believe it for a second! But wait…maybe, just maybe…

That’s when Alec stood and pulled off his long sleeved thermal shirt. His chest shone in the bright lights of the loft. Then he yanked on the wide brown leather belt. Once he’d unbuckled it, he unzipped his pants and shimmied them down. Again, commando. I licked my lips and gripped his hips then looked up his beautiful body.

Oh my god, is this for real? I hope the detail about the thermal shirt was supposed to be especially arousing to readers. It certainly evokes a very specific image in my mind, but I’m not sure it’s one I’d place for safe keeping in the spank bank.

“You will pose with me. I will use this.” He held up a cordless remote control. It was cylindrical with a red button on top. It reminded me of an action movie where the bad guy had a bomb strapped to his chest with a cord and a button. Alec pressed the button and the camera flashed. “See, I will do the poses with you. Only with me, it will be real love on canvas.”

Let me start by saying that I’m super proud of Alec for not saying “oui” for four whole – albeit short – sentences. Let me finish by saying, WUT IT HAS BEEN LIKE A WEEK TOPS HOW WILL IT BE REAL LOVE ON CANVAS? Because he called her pet names in French and told her he wanted them to be in love? I guess it is so then.

Mia is so appreciative that she licks his penis once in thanks. She is nothing if not a polite and grateful person, that Mia. Alec then apologizes for not having realized earlier what a bad idea it was to have her pose with someone else. Mia continues to show him her appreciation, and he photographs it. I thought for a second this would lead to some concern from Mia, but I guess we’re supposed to all just trust Alec completely for some reason.

Alec declares that this isn’t enough and now they must photograph the real thing.

I nodded while he walked a few steps away, picked up his jeans and pulled out a condom. I wanted to tell him I was on birth control and that technically he didn’t have to use one, but I refrained. Something about that didn’t feel right. He suited up his erection and prowled over to me.

I debated whether or not to include this, but I found it sufficiently confusing. I’m all for these books encouraging condom use, but this scene feels ominous to me. Am I supposed to be reading into her “Something about that didn’t feel right” moment? I really want to believe it’s because Mia realizes that Alec is a diseased-ridden sleaze. Also, I wanted you guys to get to see “suited up his erection” because that gave me a good chuckle. What a profesh penis.

Anyway, they have sex and Audrey Carlan’s Google Translate skills really get put to work as she has Alec babble lots of things in French. Mia refers to Alec during their intimate scenes in this chapter in increasingly creative ways ranging from phrases like “My Frenchie” and “My Frenchman” to “The French” . That’s right, at one point, Alec stands in for an entire nation.

He spoke in French, I spoke in English. Both whispering our version of sweet nothings against the other, until I knew if he touched that aching bundle of nerves I’d go off.

I’m assuming this is what Alec is saying in French.

I could read, “He spoke in French, I spoke in English” over and over and never stop finding it funny. I hope Mia continues this trend with whomever she has sex with in the future.

After all the passionate love-making, Mia poses for more pictures and cries because of how emotional this sex apparently is (footage not found, but I did find some of people “buck[ing] and spasm[ing]” against each other.) Then this:

Even though I was tired, so ready to sleep, I rolled back over and held him close. He put his head on my chest and snuggled into my breasts. That’s what he needed, where he wanted to be.

Whelp, I wouldn’t have found this weird if Mia hadn’t made this scene sound like it was supposed to be weirdly maternal. Why is she being so specific about him needing/wanting to be snuggling against her breasts? Creepy.

I’d give him that, because he was giving me something too, the realization that I was more than just Mia the sister, the daughter, the friend. I am a woman. A woman with feelings, desires, aspirations, and I was not just the sum total of what my mother left me with all those years ago.

I have no idea how we got here from a couple scenes of them having sex that basically all blurred together for me.

The next day, Mia describes more of the paintings, and she’s confused by how three of the images tie together. Alec tells her to look harder and think about the story, and suddenly it all makes sense:

I stared at the first image. Aiden caught in the act of pleasing himself, finding gratification in his own hand. My hand coming over trying to hide his private moment from the world but not being able to. Then the image of him trying to touch me when I was uncomfortable and unsure of what we were doing. Then the painting of Alec and me intertwined. My leg was over his, he was inside me, but you couldn’t see the actual penetration. My arm around him prevented my breasts from being exposed. The look on our faces was precious. We were both at the height of our love making tumbling over the abyss together.

When you viewed the three together, it told a story. A man pleasing himself. The man who was supposed to love and protect my character but didn’t. His love was not being returned as shown in the second image. Then finding love in the arms of another.

“You see it now?” Alec whispered into my ear as his arm came around me from behind and pulled me into him.

I nodded. “Yeah, it’s broken.”

“Broken love?”

My god it was there all along!

But seriously, the hell? I know most art interpretations can be huge leaps, but wow the leaps Mia makes here! A masturbating man? That must symbolize that this guy is selfish. Then when he and the woman are going to have sex, something is wrong, so he must not love her enough! Then she sleeps with someone else and it’s a happy ending, but also broken love.

Mia is like, “I have only ever known broken love what a fitting painting I’m so sad.” So I guess this was actually a very important chapter even though on the surface it just seemed like incoherent sex scenes strung together with some mentions of painting thrown in between. And we shall call it Calendar Girl, and it is art.

This didn’t fit in anywhere earlier in the post, but I wanted you guys to know that my friend from France told me today that “ma jolie” is something “a 60 year old man who is quite perverse” would say to a woman. So there ya go.



  1. khelekmir Reply

    I forgot if that other guy left in the last chapter, so I’m just assuming he was standing there awkwardly naked while these two got it on.

  2. Jennifer Layton Reply

    Coming up next in the Calendar Girl series, Mia tries to get a job as a public schoolteacher, and the principal Googles her name and finds Alec’s web site.


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