Calendar Girl (September) Chapter 7: This Chapter is Pure, Unadulterated Filler

Apologies for the lack of gifs in my posts lately. The uploader has been super slow for me, AND I CAN’T WITH IT.

Calendar Girl (September) Chapter 7:

Mia goes to check on Ginelle after her kidnapping ordeal. She’s not doing great to say the least. She’s injured and traumatised, and Mia takes care of her. Aside from like two things that happen, I have no good jokes to make about this first part of the chapter.

Here’s the first thing that made me roll my eyes:

It was very possible she’d end up needing counseling to get past it.

A+ for the suggestion of counseling, but fucking duh. Everyone in this story should go to counseling. I cannot think of a single character who wouldn’t benefit from it.

Also, there’s like a weird amount of detail given about what Mia picks out for them to wear and how they have different boob sizes, but overall it’s very nice to see Mia taking care of her friend, and since Gin has basically no dialogue, she’s very sympathetic.

And then to follow up this tender scene between friends, there’s…dream (or ghost?) sex between Wes and Mia. I honestly am at a loss for what purpose this scene has in the chapter. I know we’ve kind of lost sight of the fact that this is a sexy series, but this is not an appropriate time to remind us of that fact.

“Wake the fuck up, you crazy cunt!” Ginelle was shaking my body the same way Wes was shaking me in my dream, only his was through pile drives into my wet sex.

Yup. Mia was having this super graphic wet dream next to Ginelle. I guess maybe the purpose was comic relief? I suppose this is my punishment for momentarily praising a chapter of Calendar Girl. 

I covered my face with both hands. “Uggh, I’m sorry, Gin. It’s been weeks since Wes and I were intimate, and then I had this full on make out session with Blaine last night and Max interrupted me, thank God, before it could go any further.”

That is quite possibly the worst explanation Mia could have given. Although, I should be more understanding since Robot Mia is programmed to always be at horniness level 10 no matter the situation. But seriously…Wes has been kidnapped by terrorists, and Mia is casually like, “Oh I was having a hot sex dream about Wes because we haven’t been intimate in weeks, and also I made out with the man who kidnapped you, put my father in a coma, has forced me to become a call girl into order to pay off my father’s debts, and is now trying to manipulate me into marrying and/or sleeping with him for a night.”

Gin is mortified and wants an explanation:

Ginelle pursed her lips, cringed against what I assumed to be pain from the cut, and then crossed her arms over her chest. “This better be good. Being woken up by a crazy broad humping your back while you sleep needs a solid explanation.”

Wait that’s what she wants the explanation for? What is wrong with these people?!

Even though Mia’s explanation of the events that transpired to lead her to this wet dream is incredibly lame, Gin accepts it:

She seemed a lot more even tempered once she realized I’d done it for her. It worried her, though, that I got so into the kiss. It worried me, too, but for different reasons.


“So you were kissing him and then all of a sudden you imagined Wes?” I nodded.

“It was so real. Blaine kissed me, and then it was like he morphed into Wes. Gin, if Max hadn’t broken it up, I don’t know what I’d have done.”

“You were that deep in your imagination?”

This makes no goddamn sense. Mia doesn’t know what she would have done if Max hadn’t shown up? Really? She would have accidentally slept with Blaine because her imagination went completely wild? Unless Mia has a brain tumor, I refuse to accept this as a valid concern or explanation.

Then they talk about how bad Mia must have it for Wes if she was able to imagine him while she was making out with Blaine?? And Mia admits she can imagine marrying Wes someday?? GIN WAS JUST KIDNAPPED AND WAS SO TRAUMATISED SHE COULD BARELY TALK AN HOUR AGO! JESUS FUCK! WHY ARE THEY DISCUSSING THIS?

I’m really sad because if things had gone according to plan, Matthew would have had this chapter last week. Damn it, Matthew. Damn it.



  1. Lya Reply

    “It was very possible she’d end up needing counseling to get past it.” Thank you for telling us it, Robot Mia!

    PS: I imagine Robot Mia has Google Translate’s voice

  2. Krista B Reply

    I think you’re right. Mia has a brain tumor. It’s the only explanation.

  3. readlikebreathing Reply

    I am literally crying at work. This series is a true treasure.

    Also using the term ‘pile driving’ in a sexy way is the same as danny devito talking about ploughing “whoooores”.


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