blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Chapter Four
We last left our hero driving home in the fog and suddenly being attacked by a supernaturally strong figure in black clothing and a ski mask who jumped in front of the car and then tried to pull the door off the car with his hands. Like a normal person, Nora freaks out. She calls Vee, who, not like a normal person, responds like this:
“He-” I tried to net my thoughts and funnel them into words. “He jumped in front of the car!”
“Oh, man. Oh-man-oh-man-oh-man. You hit a deer? Are you okay? What about Bambi?” She half wailed, half groaned. “The Neon?”
I suppose ever so technically, her priorities are in the right order here. She’s worried about her friend first, the deer she believes she hit second, and the car itself last. What’s weird is how she goes through all of them all at once, asking if her car is okay before waiting to make sure her friend isn’t bleeding to death or anything. It’s also pretty weird how she immediately gives the deer a pet name, referring to it as “Bambi”, like she’s trying to make Nora guilty, who, as I’ve already pointed out, might currently be bleeding to death?
Anyway, Nora decides that explaining the supernatural man might not be the best idea and allows Vee to believe she hit a deer. She drives the car back to Vee and WHOA the car is almost completely okay what if Nora imagined the whole thing. This freaks out Nora considerably, but lest we forget this is young adult fiction, Vee’s checking out some boys on the next page.
“Don’t look now,” Vee said, “but Mr. Green Sweater keeps looking this way, estimating your long legs through your jeans”
Is it just me, or is that maybe one of the least sexy ways to word “checking out someone’s legs” possible? The word “estimation” alone makes me think of first grade math when they gave you a jar full of jellybeans and had you try to make an educated guess how many jelly beans were in there.
So they meet Elliot Saunders (who is hot – if you missed it the first time, Vee will remind you four times a page) and his friend Jules (who I actually kind of like so far because he totally doesn’t want to be there in this story and, hey, I know that feel) and the four of them flirt a bit because young adult fiction. Also, Vee is still obnoxious.
“Go to school?”
“Kinghorn Prep.” There was a tinge of superiority in the way he said it.
“Never heard of it.”
“Private school. Portland. We start at nine.” He lifted his sleeve and glanced at his watch.
Vee dipped a finger in the froth of her milk and licked it off. “Is it expensive?”
Jules looked at her directly for the first time. His eyes stretched, showing a little white around the edges.
“Are you rich? I bet you are,” she said.
Except Elliot Saunders doesn’t go there anymore and he’s transferring to Coldwater High, which OMG is where Nora and Vee go to school!
In biology class, Coach hands out a practice quiz because there’s a real quiz later that week, and I’m still not sure what they’ve actually learned in this class, so I’m really upset that we don’t get to see the quiz. Which is a strange way to be letdown, but whatever. Nora gets into another fight with Patch for being a creep where she’s all “I am uncomfortable sitting next to you, please stop interacting with me, it is very unnerving” and he’s all “haha you’re totally into me” and she’s all “no seriously I fear for my life” and he’s all “laters, baby”. So Vee has, um, a plan?
“Everybody knows students are required to register prescription drugs with the nurse’s office.” She tugged at the front pocket of my backpack, where I kept my iron pills. “Likewise, everybody knows the nurse’s office is conveniently located inside the front office, where, as it happens, student files are kept.”
I don’t understand any of this train of thought, but basically Vee wants to sneak in and look at Patch’s student file so they can learn… something? Sounds perfectly rational.
Chapter Five
Okay, it turns out Vee’s plan was to have Nora sneak into the student records room by going to the nurse under the pretense of registering her prescription medication. That she’s been taking this whole time and hasn’t already registered. Whatevs. Nora goes in and is told to wait in the office for the nurse to come back (because she’s gone?), but that’s when Nora actually goes into the student records room when Vee will come in with the rest of her super clever plan.
“I called in a bomb threat from the pay phone outside.”
All matters of how illegal this is and how and terrifying this makes Vee aside, if she was going to call in a bomb threat to make a distraction to get into the office to keep watch anyway, why did Nora need a separate plan to get in the office? Nora, thankfully, has more moral qualms about this ridiculous plan, but not many more. Also, she continues to not make sense.
So what if there was private information inside [Patch’s file]? As Patch’s biology partner, I had a right to know these things.
Nora reads Patch’s file, tells us “It didn’t make any sense” and then doesn’t tell us anything else, so clearly something so mysterious we can’t begin to understand it is in there. Instead of going to jail, Nora and Vee go to a Mexican restaurant afterwards, where they run into Patch who works there HOW WACKY!
“Your file was empty. Nothing. Not even an immunization record.”
Wait, that’s what it was? Nora was so thrown off by a blank piece of paper she couldn’t tell us it was blank?
And Patch asks Nora out and calls the kettle black.
He smiled. “What are you doing Sunday night?”
I snorted. By accident. “Are you asking me out?”
“You’re getting cocky. I like that, Angel.”
Nora would seemingly cover all of her bases saying no.
“I don’t care what you like. I’m not going out with you. Not on a date. Not alone.”
But is also stupid.
I wanted to kick myself for experiencing a hot thrill upon speculating what a night alone with Patch might entail.
Because fantasizing about alone time with someone who stalks you, embarrasses you in public, and acts like a tool is HAWT.
Time alone with Patch would be intriguing, and dangerous. I wasn’t sure how exactly, but I was trusting my instincts on this one.
