You know that friend you had in middle school who would get a crush on somebody and everybody would get really sick of hearing about it? That’s Travis in this chapter. But doesn’t Travis mercilessly make fun of guys who talk about their feelings for girls? This must mean he’s changed! Somehow it doesn’t.
Chapter 8: Oz
Travis and Abby are platonically cuddling in bed, which is a thing.
I fought the fatigue that steadily overtook me. I didn’t want to close my eyes and miss even a second of what it felt like to have Abby so close.
I actually thought this was really cute and I completely forgot what book I was reading for a second. They wake up and Abby leaves for class with America, which makes Travis sad.
Travis and Shepley discuss Abby’s birthday.
“She can manage [a surprise party]. Anything else?”
“How do you feel about a puppy?”
I actually laughed at that joke!
“I know, but she lives in the dorms. She can’t have a puppy.”
Travis, this is a weird way to follow up a joke- oh dear god. [Ariel says: Yes. This is going exactly where you think it’s going. I’m just shocked that later in the book Travis doesn’t try to get Abby pregnant so he’s guaranteed to be connected to her FOREVER.]
“Keep it here? Seriously? What are we going to do with a dog?”
“I found a cairn terrier online. It’s perfect.”
“A what?”
“Pidge is from Kansas. It’s the same kind of dog Dorothy had in The Wizard of Oz.“
Where do I even begin with how stupid this is? THIS IS SO MUCH STUPID. Travis has no reason to think Abby wants a dog. Even if she did, it’s not really appropriate for him – a friend who’s known her for, what, a month at most? – to buy her a dog. Especially a surprise dog. And even if she wants a dog and doesn’t care what breed of dog (which is a lot of big “if”s), this is the dumbest logic for choosing someone else’s breed of dog they don’t want. Because it’s the same kind of dog from a movie that takes place where Abby’s from? The one thing we know about Abby’s past is that she kind of hates where she came from, so this isn’t even a good idea following Travis’s faulty logic. And how does Travis know Abby even likes The Wizard of Oz anyway? Why is he buying her a dog he doesn’t know if she wants that’s a breed he doesn’t know if she likes because it was the same breed from a movie he doesn’t know if she likes?
Shepley is not on board. [Ariel says: Shepley has just won the Character I Most Identify With Award. It’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Okay, it is as exciting as it sounds.]
“It’s going to crap everywhere, Travis. It’ll bark and whine and… I don’t know.” [Ariel says: Note that none of his protests have to do with the fact that this is just a horrible idea in general. Getting someone a gift like a dog, which is a huge commitment, is kind of a terrible thing to do unless you are 100% sure they want this dog. Also, keeping this dog at your apartment as a kind of incentive for the other person to keep coming over to see you is downright manipulative.]
“So does America… minus the crapping.”
I’m like 100% certain it’s more likely that Shepley’s girlfriend has taken a crap in their apartment than it is that she makes barking noises.
Shepley tells Travis he can go ahead with the dog plan if he admits he has feelings for Abby. Travis reluctantly does so and Shepley calls him a pussy, because apparently this is how we make our characters grow. [Ariel says: I take back Shepley’s award. I’m holding onto this for safe keeping now. No one in these books can be trusted to be reasonable for more than ten seconds at most.]
Later, Adam talks with Travis about his next fight, Travis learns from Shepley that the boilers are fixed in America and Abby’s dorm, and Travis gets super sad (see above crying gif). Abby and America talk about how Parker was checking Abby out in class, and then that gosh darn football team just won’t stop teasing Travis! Again!
Chris Jenks tossed a French fry onto my plate. (This makes even less sense than how people in this book are always throwing fries at each other. What does it accomplish to throw a fry onto someone’s plate? It’s obviously supposed to be heckling, but this is like, “Hey, have a fry!”) “What’s up, Trav? I heard you bagged Tina Martin. (This is this chapter’s only “bagged” 🙁 ) She’s been raking your name through the mud today.” [Ariel says: Tina’s just been hired to blog here at BBGT and rake Travis’ name through the mud along with us!]
Abby tells Chris to knock it off and Travis snaps at her that he can take care of himself and leaves in an angry/paranoid frenzy. He gets on his motorcycle to cool down and ends up at his dad’s house.
Even though he was sad and angry for most of my formative years, I wouldn’t consider him a bad father, he was just lost without his wife. I knew how he felt, now.
Yes, your wife dying and not being with a girl whom you haven’t told you have feelings for being upset at you are exactly the same. [Ariel says: The amount Travis will try to get Abby to be his wife is alarming.]
He smiled a bit. “A girl.”
“She kinda hates me, and I kinda…”
“Love her?”
It’s really weird how all these erotic romance novels we read have Disney-movie levels of love at first sight. Travis explains that he thinks she’s been burned before by someone like him, although his dad doesn’t know what a massive womanizer he is, so he doesn’t understand him, although for some reason he knows what he means by this:
I looked at my father. “She’s a pigeon. Definitely a pigeon.”
“Oh?” Dad said, his eyes brightening a bit.
Okay. Apparently the characters in this book don’t know what pigeons are. These are pigeons.
[Ariel says: Wait! I have one too. I watched an episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine earlier and there was a scene with pigeons, and I was like, “ABBY!”]
Travis goes back to his apartment and talks with Shepley and America, who suddenly and inexplicably wants Travis and Abby to get together, about his feelings for Abby. [Ariel says: America constantly goes from rooting for Parker to rooting for Travis. She’s just that typical “Yes! Friend” I guess. I’ll elaborate on that more in future posts I’m sure.] [Matthew adds: So I guess America is that friend who’s super enthusiastic about you getting laid and it kind of creeps you out but you can’t say anything.]
“I shouldn’t have talked to her like that,” I said. […]
“Give her some credit. She knows exactly what you’re doing. You’re not her first rodeo.”
“It’s okay that you’re being a dick because she knows that you’re being a dick!”
“It doesn’t make sense. Nothing about this makes sense. […] I don’t want to date her; I just want to be around her. She’s… different.” […]
“You’re closer to her type than you know,” America said.
No, seriously, doesn’t America hate Travis? Why is she suddenly on his side? Travis goes to apologize to Abby.
“I don’t know why you put up with me, and I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”
Her eyes slowly fell from my eyes to my lips […] I leaned in less than a centimeter, waiting to see if she would protest, but then my fucking phone rang. We both jumped.
Adam tells Travis that the fight is happening in an hour and a half, which probably kills the mood a bit. [Ariel says: Serious boner killer.]