Postscript #1: Comments on the Internet!

Lately I’ve started reading The Gameological Society, and they do this cool weekly feature where they compile reader comments that the editors find “intriguing, witty, or otherwise notable”, and I thought, “Wait, why don’t we do that?” Ariel and I talk all the time about the hilarious and even insightful comments our readers write, and so we’re introducing this new feature, Postscript, where it’s your turn to be in the spotlight. At the moment, we’re thinking once a month or so we’ll round up some of our favorite reader comments – it’ll be both an opportunity to appreciate our readers, and also to continue or revisit some fun conversations. Because, really, fun conversations about shitty books is what it’s all about. (Also the merchandise)

We’ve started three different books recently, so let’s take a look at what you’ve had to say about all of them! (Comments may be edited for length and clarity)

Beautiful Disaster/Walking Disaster

Madeline questions the physics of Travis’s threesome:

I’m just dumbfounded by the logistics of having a threesome on a couch. There is no room for three horizontal people. Is it some weird Travis sandwich? Are they doing it on the floor? What is going on? Jaime McGuire has obviously not thought that through.

KayMia informs us there’s a sequel/novella titled A Beautiful Wedding, then has better ideas:

Ah yes, the title. “A Wedding Disaster” would have fit the pattern with the novels so much better.

Dana and Vivienne help us visualize our new leading lady:

“I hope Abby is played by an anthropomorphic pigeon in the movie. A pigeon with porn star hair.”
“Wearing a cardigan.”

Speaking of which, everybody likes cardigans way more than Abby:

“how many IS the appropriate number of cardigans??” –Ali
“I fucking love cardigans!” –joy bird
“Abby is seriously giving cardigans a bad name.” –Helen

Annie gives us something to look forward to, and also knows me (Matt) and my English major rants a little too well:

Be careful what you say, Jamie McGuire does not take kindly to people spreading such nasty rumours about the content of her work.
No, really, someone on Amazon pointed out that the book was not romantic, but instead a more-or-less-subtle defense of abusive behaviour in relationships, and Jamie McGuire actually responded to said review (a couple of times). I think it went somewhere along the lines of “Nope, sorry, nice try, but I as the author of the book can attest to the fact that there are no instances of abuse in the story whatsoever, so you’re wrong. ‘Cause I wrote it.” Reading this I actually kind of felt this was practically screaming for a BBGT-style lecture on Intentional Fallacy.

Dana shares in Abby’s astonishment that Travis’s birthday is actually on April Fool’s Day:

What?!?!?! You’re telling me all pregnant women don’t honor the sanctity of April 1st by closing their vaginas and just holding the baby in another few hours?

E. H. Taylor says everything we’ve been trying to about the trope of sexual assault in recent erotica:

Why do all of these characters have to have terrible dark pasts that usually involve parental abuse and/or sexual assault? It seems like the authors are taking the easiest way possible to give their characters ‘depth’ and explain away all of their flaws. I mean, these are serious issues, but they’re just being used as lazy writing devices to get around things and make the characters more ‘likeable’ or pitiable despite being giant assholes or shallow with no real personality.

On a lighter note, Madeline again, thinking about the big picture:

Oh the babies these two will make are gonna be so stupid

Most importantly, no one understands why Travis calls Abby pigeon:

It’s like Jamie McGuire knows that the whole pigeon thing makes no sense and keeps trying to explain it to us even though it will never make sense. – scummy48

I had to look that up when I read this. Because I was determined to get to the bottom of that nonsense.
I still never actually met anyone that calls a dove a pigeon, but there are so many other problems in this book I had to let that one go. – 24karats

That lame explanation of “Pigeon” has not changed my mind about the weird yuckiness of that nickname. – Judy

Why does he call her Pigeon! Pigeons are SUPER COMMON and EVERYWHERE. This does not make her special. It makes her blend in. I know that has been said before, but I just want to yell at it every time I see it. – Ali

House of Night: Marked

No one fucking likes Zoey. Dana explains:

“And she had great boobs. (I wish I had great boobs.)
‘Huh?’ I said. Speaking of boobs – I was totally sounding like one. (Boob … hee hee).”

As a seventeen year old, I feel like I should be almost offended that Zoey is supposed to be “old beyond her years.”

Shannon has trouble reading, but it’s totally okay:

Is it just me or does anyone else keep reading “Grandma Redbird” as “Grandma Redbeard”? No one? ok… sorry. Just changes my mental picture a bit from a kindly old Cherokee wisewoman to an aging pirate wench who may or may not have crimson facial hair.

Bellomy sees the beauty in all things great and small:

“They call that vampyre school the House of Night, but it can’t be any darker than this perfect home!”
That line is so horribly lame it’s practically poetry.

scummy48, once again, tears apart the blow job scene more thoroughly than we did:

…which totally reads like a teenage girl and not a grown women trying to remind her young readers and daughters that sex brings STDs to girls and blowjobs are allowing yourself to be used (which also makes no sense in this context since the guy was being sexually assaulted. Would it really be appropriate/plausible that anyone would go into slut-shaming-respect-yourself-sex-isn’t-cool mode instead of “holy shit I think I just witnessed sexual assault what should I do” mode????) Do these writers think they are sending out an at all ok message by telling girls to brush off assault if it happens to a guy and judge other girls for allowing themselves to be used?

Two Birds, One Stone!

A very special woman, my (Ariel’s) mother, managed to incorporate a comment that viciously attacked both series!

What is it with the pearls??….Aphrodite… “She rolled her eyes and clutched her pearls dramatically” Do any high school or college girls wear pearls?? Is this some retro stereotype/code word. I’m surprised she wasn’t wearing a cardigan as well. She’s a bitchy Pigeon. Also, so glad you commented on the HP like similarities. – Judy.