Earlier today, Matt asked me if the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer had been released yet. Because this is an incredibly time sensitive, pressing matter as we are your #1 source of FSoG related news (duh), I knew I had to investigate further.
What I found was far more shocking than the actual movie will most likely be.
The actual trailer isn’t being released until Thursday. If you think it’s cocky enough that a movie is hyping it’s fucking trailer, enter this:
Amazed that Fifty Shades of Grey somehow still manages to become an increasingly worse thing, we had to talk out our feelings on this one. We’ll talk about the trailer itself next week, but for this week, here’s our conversation about the trailer for the trailer, because seriously.
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Ariel: Fifty Shades of Grey has a trailer…for its movie trailer…WHO DOES THAT???
Matthew: Honestly, I’m surprised it wasn’t just the trailer for Twilight with the names voiced over.
Ariel: Shit, they could have saved themselves so much money!
Matthew: I guess I should actually watch it then.
Ariel: I mean… It’s so dumb… and Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” is playing for some reason.
Matthew: That’s literally the only thing I know about it. I see what they’re trying to do, because he’s – dramatic pause – fifty shades of crazy… in LOVE. So that’s probably what they were going for, but, honestly, they probably just pissed off a good portion of Beyonce’s fan base.
Ariel: HOW DID SHE ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!
Matthew: WHY IS QUEEN BEY DOING THIS TO US?
Ariel: At this point I’m actually more surprised there wasn’t a trailer for the trailer for the trailer.
Matthew: Okay, I actually watched it now. There’s a joke to be made about withholding gratification in here.
Ariel: Joke: “Comes to life…” Also: “Comes to life… as a trailer.”
Matthew: Joke: “See the movie.” That’s a joke right there, right?
Ariel: I laughed at that.
Matthew: Oh good, it is a joke. I thought so.
Ariel: I just want to know what kind of conceited fuck nuts decided it was acceptable to release a trailer for a fucking trailer – are these are the same kinds of people who would be like Better Call Saul isn’t enough we need to go back even further into the Breaking Bad mythology.
Matthew: We should maybe actually talk about the trailer itself. Maybe analyze some stuff.
Ariel: A door closes.
Matthew: I notice Christian Grey has hands. Keeping it close to the source material.
Ariel: Seriously, I can’t believe they had the nerve to write “the worldwide phenomenon comes to life.” NO IT DOESN’T IT’S THE TRAILER.
Matthew: I think it came prematurely.
Ariel: This must be their first trailer.
Matthew: The studio was probably all, “That only lasted for like fifteen seconds”.