If you missed us earlier this week, I assure you this half-chapter more than makes up for all the ridiculous, infuriating, “Christian uses his good looks to infiltrate a hospital and this is a totally believable scenario” wackiness you’ve been waiting for.

Grey: Thursday, June 2, 2011 (continued)

Yesterday’s chapter continues after Christian and Ana go flying and then go to IHOP. More crazy adventures unfold  in the saga of Christian learning to love again, like Christian thanking one of his employees.

“Mr. Grey.”
“Yeah… thanks for organizing this morning.”
“You’re most welcome, sir.” He sounds surprised.

But just in case you’re interested in development of any actual narrative (in which case I should really point out you’re kind of alone among readers of Grey), something does happen. Christian is having a meeting with the Savannah team making a pitch for development of his new plant (this is not what I was talking about, please don’t worry), when suddenly Taylor pulls Christian out of the meeting because of a private situation… LEILA WILLIAMS.

You know, the woman that Christian used to be with who succumbed to desperate behavior after Christian no longer wanted to be with her. You know, the one who’s not Elena.

“Miss Williams is in an ambulance on the way to the ER at Seattle Free Hope.”
“Ambulance?”
“Yes, sir. She broke into the apartment and made a suicide attempt in front of Mrs. Jones.”
Fuck. “Suicide?” Leila? In my apartment?
“She slashed her wrist.”

Wow! That’s genuinely seriously intense! I wonder what depths of the human psyche will be revealed as Christian reacts to this!

I’m shocked.

Ok, let’s give E L James some time to warm up, I guess. How does Christian react, say, eventually?

I scrape my hands through my hair, trying to grasp the magnitude of what Leila has done. What the hell am I supposed to do? Why did she come to me? Was she expecting to see me? Where’s her husband? What’s happened to him?

Coincidentally, I’m working on a freelance piece right now, and my editor commented on my first draft where I had a question-riddled paragraph similar to this one, telling me I need to take the time to flesh out my point instead of asking questions so I’m actually telling the reader what I mean. I think that’s pretty applicable here too. When you stop to think about it, none of those words actually hint at how Christian is feeling. Except maybe for the “What the hell am I supposed to do?” one, but you can get that same emotional depth out of the confused guy in IKEA instructions.

For someone who had to write a whole, other book to delve into the intricacies of Christian Grey, E L James is sure having a hard time making it look like he’s even remotely involved in his own story:

I can’t believe it; Leila seemed happy when she last e-mailed, what, six or seven months ago.

It gets worse about half a page later.

She’s been out of my life for a couple of years.

“She’s so happy these days! She emailed me half a year ago! At least. I haven’t really been involved for a few years. But she’s so happy!”

Christian lets Ana know he has to return home because something came up, and then he flies back to Seattle. He goes to the hospital where Leila was taken and tries to see her, where he encounters one of the few women in the world who won’t take his shit:

“Are you family?” The nurse on duty glowers at me, her mouth pinched and sour.
“No.” I sigh. This is going to be difficult.
“Well, I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”
“She tried to open a vein in my apartment. I think I’m entitled to know where the hell she is,” I hiss through my teeth.
“Don’t take that tone with me!” she snaps.

So, naturally, she is immediately the enemy of man.

I glare at her. I’m not going to get anywhere with this woman.

Ready for things to get ridiculous? Faced with a woman apparently just immune to his charms, Christian dramatically announces that “I’ll find it myself” and bursts into the ER in search of a woman who isn’t.

The ER is bustling with doctors and nurses, and triage is full of patients. I accost a young nurse and give her my brightest smile. “Hello, I’m looking for Leila Reed— she was admitted earlier today. Can you tell me where she might be?”
“And you are?” she asks, a flush creeping over her face.

“I’m her brother,” I lie smoothly, ignoring her reaction.

Wait, if he’s willing to lie about it, why didn’t he just say that to the first nurse? Furthermore, if he’s already stopped to have a conversation, how is hospital security not already all over him? Since he’s, you know, right there, having just walked into the ER?

Nurse #2 leads Christian to Leila’s room. Christian observes that “two security guards and a nurse are combing the corridor, checking each room”. Except for the room Christian said he was fucking going to, apparently.

Christian meets with Leila’s doctor, which is a good time for James to unintentionally write him as kind of racist.

A young man with short dreads […] Is he her doctor? […] He looks too young to be a psychiatrist.

Uh huh. Christian thinks he looks too “young” to be a doctor. Sure.

The doctor explains that Leila has somehow escaped the hospital and no one knows how. He also explains the entire subplot, because writing detail that the reader has to infer themselves is hard.

“She said it was a cry for help. Nothing more. And, having made such a spectacle of herself, she was embarrassed and wanted to go home. She said she didn’t want to kill herself. I believed her. I suspect it was just suicidal ideation on her part.”

After leaving the hospital, Christian calls Welch about locating Leila. He also checks in with Gail about what happened with Leila. He also gets some email from Ana, and continues to have deep, emotional responses to this new love that’s turning his life around:

She cares for me deeply? That’s nice.

Ok, let’s give E L James some time to warm up again.

She’s good for my dark, dark soul.

Haha, nope. We’re done.