Hi, everyone. Ariel here. I know we make a lot of jokes on this blog, and good times are had by all. It isn’t all fun and games, though. Sometimes chapters like these come along, and you can’t just unread their contents. TRIGGER WARNINGS: UNDERAGE VAMPYRE SEX. ZOEY REDBIRD HAVING SEX. ZOEY REDBIRD HAVING UNDERAGE VAMPYRE SEX WITH THE VAMPYRE POET LOREAT WHO IS GROSS AND HAS AWFUL DIALOGUE.
Basically it’s the moment a handful of you have been waiting for since we started reading these books.
House of Night, Chosen Chapter 22
I forgot last chapter ended with the ~mystery~ of whether Erik was dying or not. I won’t leave you hanging with a bunch of will he or won’t he:
I turned back to Erik, but before I could pull him into my arms Aphrodite’s voice cut through thenoise of his moans and the sounds of the frightened, watching crowd of kids.
“Zoey, he’s not dying.” I looked up at her, not really getting what she was saying. She grabbed myarm and pulled me away from Erik. I started to struggle, but her next words got through to me andmade me freeze. “Listen to me! He’s not dying. He’s Changing.”
[…]
Aphrodite was right. Erik was Changing into an adult vampyre.
What? ERIK is evolving! If Zoey just pressed the B button hard enough she could have prolonged it for a couple more chapters at least.
I can’t believe there was a point when I thought my whole post wound basically hinge around this moment. Little did I know. Such innocent times.
Neferet rushes in because she’s been told Erik is dying. Surprise! He’s okay, and has rapidly undergone vampyre puberty, which apparently happens over a thirty second span of time. Neferet tells Erik that now that he’s done transforming, he should reveal his changes to everyone.
Erik stood up and raised his head. I gasped along with everyone else. His face was luminous. It seemed someone had turned a switch on inside him. He’d been handsome before, but now everything was intensified. His eyes were bluer, his thick hair was wild and black and dangerous, he even appeared taller. And his Mark had been completed. The sapphire crescent was filled in. And framing his eyes, along his brows and over his well-defined cheekbones, was a stunning pattern of interlocking knots that formed the shape of a mask, reminding me instantly of Professor Nolan’s beautiful Mark.
If only human puberty was like this. Erik briefly experienced some pain and then was just sexier than ever and had more tattoos! Simple as that.
Erik’s gaze touched mine for a moment. His full lips tilted up and he smiled a special smile just for me. I thought my heart would burst. Then he raised his arms over his head and cried out in a voice filled with power and pure joy, “I’ve Changed!”
I’m sure his heart was in the right place, but I wish he would have refrained. Can you even imagine this situation? Even if someone specifically evolved into an adult vampyre in front of your eyes, I can’t begin to believe there would be a reaction to someone shouting, “I’ve Changed!” that wasn’t a sarcastic slow clap. I don’t care if the “Change” has a capital C, it’s still ridiculous.
But then everyone starts cheering! Unbelievable. These kids are worse than The Students Without Netflix right now.
Neferet and the other adult vampyres sweep Erik away to do adult vampyre things.
“They’ll take him to be anointed into the service of the Goddess,” Aphrodite said. She was still standing beside me and her voice sounded as bleak as I suddenly felt. “Fledglings don’t know exactly what happens during the anointing. It’s a big vamp secret, and they’re not allowed to tell.” She shrugged. “Whatever. Guess we’ll find out some day.”
I bet you anything it’s just another circle being cast. You girls aren’t missing out.
Zoey’s terrible friends have terrible reactions:
“Hey, Z! Was that cool or what?” Jack said.
“Man, it was incredible. I’m still reeling!” Damien fanned himself and his large vocabulary.
“Oh, baby! Now Erik Night joins the other vamp hotties like Brandon Routh, Josh Hartnett, and JakeGyllenhaal.”
It’s unbearable how much I hate these guys.
Damien informs everyone that once a fledging becomes an adult vampyre they are sent off into the real adult vampyre world, which is not an awful reality show (or is it?). This raises some serious questions. What is the point of these kids going to school at all if as soon as they transform into an adult (with no prior warning) they just leave the school! Can you ever even officially graduate from House of Night? Is it just a holding pen until the fledglings randomly undergo the transformation? I just can’t believe that essay Erik was probably working on means nothing.
None of these questions are answered, instead Zoey’s friends tell her that she and Erik can do long distance. I wish this meant Erik was going away, never to be heard from again, but unfortunately I already know this is not the end of his tenure.
Zoey tells her friends she needs alone time, and shoos them out of the Great Hall or wherever the heck the ritual just took place. Zoey breaks down because she’s hurting from the time Stevie Rae died/undied, and this made all those memories come flooding back. This is basically the siren’s call for predatory professors:
“I could feel that you needed me,” Loren said.
NOOOOOOOOOO.
“When Erik Changed you thought he was dying, didn’t you?”
I nodded, scared that if I said anything I’d start bawling again.
Loren’s jaw clenched and unclenched. “I’ve told Aphrodite over and over that all fledglings, and not just fifth and sixth formers, should be aware of how the Change manifests in the final stage so that they’re not frightened if they witness it.”
Why is he getting catty about Aphrodite? “Damn that Aphrodite! I told her a million times the thing she remembered I told her!” She’s exactly who informed Zoey that Erik was evolving. Also this just gives me even more unanswered, pressing questions like are there any seventh or eighth formers who aren’t dying but just can’t seem to evolve either? Are they basically like Matthew Mcconaughey from Dazed and Confused?
We get some more crucial information about Changing:
“Does it hurt as bad as it looks like it does?”
“It is painful, but it’s a good pain—if that makes sense. Think of it like sore muscles after you’veworked out. They hurt, but it’s not a bad hurt.”
“Looked like a lot more than sore muscles,” I said.
“It’s not that bad—more shocking than painful actually. Sensations rush into your body and everything becomes hypersensitive.”
Oooh pointless and inconsequential!
Loren tries to cosy up to Zoey and find out what other things are bothering her, and when Zoey hesitates, it’s time for Loren’s penis to step in.
“I’ll show you how much we can share … how completely we can be together,” he said.
Loren took the hand he was fisting in my hair and pulled at his shirt so that the buttons popped, exposing his chest. Then he drew his thumbnail slowly over his left breast, leaving behind a line of perfect scarlet. The scent of his blood wrapped around me.”Drink,” he said.
I couldn’t stop myself. I lowered my face to his chest and tasted him. His blood surged through me. It was different than Heath’s— not as hot, not as rich. But it was more powerful. It pounded through me, along with a desire that was red and urgent. I moved against his body, wanting more and more.
“Now it’s my turn. I have to taste you!” Loren said.
No! Stop! It’s nobody’s turn. But everyone ignored my pleas, and Zoey lets Loren drink from her as well. This can only end poorly.
Then it happened. His heartbeat was under my skin and I could feel my pulse pounding in time withhis. I could feel his passion along with mine and hear his desire roaring inside my head.
And then, somewhere in the back of my jumbled mind I heard Heath screaming, “Zoey! No!”
I never though I’d live to see the day when Heath and I were shouting the exact same thing.
My body jerked in Loren’s arms. “Ssh,” he whispered. “It’s okay. It’s better this way, love, muchbetter. Being Imprinted with a human is too difficult—it has too many ramifications.”
My breath was coming fast and hard. “Is it broken? Has my Imprint with Heath been broken?”
“It has. Our Imprint has replaced it.” He rolled so that I was under his body. “Now let’s finish it. Let me make love to you, baby.”
Against all odds, Zoey says yes to this horrible, terrible proposal.
“Yes,” I whispered. My lips found Loren’s chest again, and as I drank from him, Loren made love to me until our world exploded in blood and passion.
Are you hearing those awful alarm bells going off in your house too? I’m cheating because I read ahead, but when I read this chapter I KNEW SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES THE OBVIOUS WAS AMISS. Can you guess what it is? What do you think Loren’s motives are besides some sweet fledgling poontang? I also know some of you have also read ahead SO IT’S NOT FAIR IF YOU GUESS, but I won’t stop you because I love when people comment on my posts. But I may have some stern words for you.
I have a sense of dejà-vu.
Why should sex scenes include the world “Explode”?
Why should Loren act like Christian Grey? Because the “Let’s finish this” to me, sounds like when he said
“We’re going to rectify the situation right now.”
“What do you mean? What situation?”
“Your situation. Ana, I’m going to make love to you, now.”
Meh. I have no other words in this moment…
I guess because most of these authors can’t think of other ways to convey the PASSION.
Loren was really channelling his inner Christian Grey here – al the possessive nonsense, the creepy sex-talk. Blech!
Uhhhhh. He wants a baby vampire?
Oh my goodness no. Thank goodness this wasn’t his actual motivation, but good guess!
(Deep breath) OK. My court-appointed PTSD therapist took my booze and pills away and says I need to talk about this chapter, or I can’t get my drivers license back.
You know those gross Family Guy barf scenes, like when the guys take Ipecac and then spend a solid minute of screen time hurling nonstop until they are crying and begging for death? That was my initial reaction when I read this chapter. When I read today’s post and saw that line again: “Let me make love to you, baby,” my stomach heaved again, but there is just nothing left, even after all these months since I first read this book. It’s like I ralphed up part of my soul and ability to feel joy. I swear even my love for things like dance pop music and buttercream frosting faded and died. I still listen to that music and eat buttercream frosting, but I’m really just going through the motions at this point.
A few serious, hard facts about this chapter:
First of all, the Casts apparently watch a lot of 70s porn. I did not need to know that.
Secondly, there is no way either one of them has ever actually had sex. They must be badly-programmed cyborgs.
But most importantly, PC was a teacher when she wrote this. Her students read these books and encouraged her to keep writing because she was in charge of their grades, and they were trying to get into good colleges. But didn’t the parents read these books? Because if my kid was taking high school English from a woman who wrote terribly and clearly showed boundary issues by the way she was always trying to be cool and reference pop culture, I’d be in despair over our education system. But after reading this chapter and the totally inappropriate way the events of this chapter are dealt with afterward, I’d yank my kid out of that school so fast, her pancreas would still be on the classroom floor.
I never thought I would find something worse than Twilight. I didn’t think it was possible. But this is disturbing on a level that needs to involve social workers, the Oklahoma School Board, and many many many police officers. Compared to this, Twilight is The Feminine Mystique.
I’m sorry — one more thing:
“Loren took the hand he was fisting in my hair … ”
Fisting. PC and K used the word “fisting” in a sex scene, and no one stopped them. The thing is, I truly and honestly believe that they don’t know what that word means and thought they had made it up themselves to describe the intensity of how Loren was holding Zoey’s hair, and they probably high-fived each other after coming up with that word.
To their credit (ug, sorry I had to type these words), I have heard “fisting/fist” used quite a lot in regards to fisting a hand through hair to convey roughness. But I like where your head’s at making fun of the Casts.
“I swear even my love for things like dance pop music and buttercream frosting faded and died. I still listen to that music and eat buttercream frosting, but I’m really just going through the motions at this point.”
Hahahaha I’m both heartbroken and cracking up. And yes I do remember those Family Guy scenes, etched forever into my memory. I think that’s the only way people can accurately describe their feelings after reading this scene. Well, a lot of people who read (and write) for this blog, anyway.
I get that pretty soon we find out Loren is ~bad~ but it still has never felt like something a teacher should be writing? I guess they were trying to show how far down the wrong path Zoey strayed or something, I don’t really know.
I thought this exact thing. This was written by a teacher, about a character inspired by her daughter. A teacher. Her daughter. I just can’t handle it.
HOW DO I UNREAD THIS?!?!?! WHERE IS THE DELETE BUTTON?!?!?!?!
I don’t know what’s more disturbing, this entire chapter or the fact that it was written by a teacher (an English teacher at that!). Please tell be that this isn’t a further plot from Neferet; you know, bond Zoey to someone on her side? Because if she’s in on this too I may need to reconsider my stance on book burning.
(Meanwhile, on PLL…)
Start reconsidering your stance on book burning – you nailed it.
(Meanwhile, I’m on S4 of PLL! Still madly in love with this show! Where are you in it? Are you all caught up with the current episodes?)
(I’m only just starting the third season! Unfortunately I can only watch two or three a week due to lack of time, but I’m really enjoying it so far. Surprisingly since I usually don’t deal well with any kind of drama.)
Ok, first, thank you for taking one for the team by reading it for us. I choose to ignore the sex part shudder and focus on other things.
This chapter reminds me of a soap opera. The writers know the direction they want to take the character so they have to quickly eliminate any obstacles. So Erik, congrats on the Change, now it’s time to go. Human boyfriend? You are also no longer needed so I’m going to override your imprint too (oh yeah, you are fired too).
Both of these “minor” details are kind of important. Has it EVER been mentioned before that once you Change that you leave school? And isn’t the whole point of an imprint that it’s fate or something? Suddenly you can override it?????
I don’t get how we’ve heard absolutely nothing about “THE CHANGE” given it’s the whole reason why the fledglings are at the House of Night, and apparently their lessons are actually meaningless.
This is, very unfortunately, not the last we see of Erik. I mean if you read Matt’s post from this week, you already know Erik comes back just in time to see the horror show, but other nefarious plots are in the works to keep him in this whole story, and it is AWFUL. There is a scene in the next book that I am praying I’ll get to cover in one of my chapters because Erik Night is the worst.
Soap opera is definitely an accurate way to describe not only this chapter, but most of the books.
On a happier, distracting, note, you’d might like to know that there’s a Goosebumps movie coming out, if you don’t already know.
Apparently it releases the 16th.
I had heard whisperings of this, but did not know it was coming out so soon! I needed this distraction, thank you <3
(Long-time lurker, first-time commenter. Thus is the power of Zoey’s statutory rape.)
If anyone says “Let me make love to you, baby,” the answer is always no. Full stop. The only less-sexy things I’ve ever heard in my life are “You’ve been randomly selected for an audit” and “Don’t worry, I’ve kept the speculum warm.”
I’m surprised Zoey didn’t turn to the audience after that nauseating “it hurts so good” exchange and go “golly gee, it sure sounds like he’s describing sex!” because that’s the level of brick-to-the-face exposition I’ve come to associate with these books.
I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but very happy that something good could come out of such tragedy.
You write very wise words that I think we all should strive to abide by. Are we even certain, “You’ve been randomly selected for an audit” is actually less sexy than, “Let me make love to you, baby?” I’m struggling to rank those two because they are both so deeply unsexy.
Zoey’s exposition…and if I have to read “Jeesh” one more time…I think she’s actually getting worse as the books progress.
Good God, I knew this would happen but somehow I wasn’t prepared for all the disgustingness. But nevertheless, a haiku:
Statutory rape
This book is a damn disgrace
Oh dear God please why
Your haikus are always so on point, and they are an important part of the healing process for us.
Besides all of the really obvious concerning, disgusting things in this chapter, can we mention the fact that Loren’s nails are so sharp he cut his skin deep enough to bleed with no problem? Men with long nails gross me out enough, but sharp too? I don’t know if they’re supposed to have traditional vampire nails, but considering almost nothing else is traditionally vampire, I’m gonna just say gross.
In regards to the “SOMETHING ELSE IS AMISS” part, I actually didn’t pick up on anything and so the… other thing that’s going on was a complete surprise to me when it was revealed. Maybe I’m just dense when it comes to this stuff, though.
But I hadn’t even thought of how stupid it is that as soon as you Change, you just leave school. Nevermind that these people now have an incomplete basic education, because okay they might not need to finish their trigonometry class to succeed in the real world, but they also have the special Vampyre classes that seem like they would important. That also brings up the problem that kids who turn into fledglings partway through the school year miss a lot of earlier vampyre education things that they don’t seem to makeup at any point. What happens if you get marked as a Fledgling, start school, and Change into an adult the next week? You’re not going to know anything about anything while they just kick you out into the real world.
Messed up the formatting there, oops.
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Is anyone else bugged by Damien’s supposed “large” vocabulary? I’m trying to figure out if incredible or reeling was supposed to be impressive. These so called big words are nothing. As someone who was literally using words like orchestrated at age 10, I can tell you that Damien does not have an impressive vocabulary.
YES I AM! ME! The words he uses that Zoey thinks are impressive are so basic. He’ll be like, “That’s an incredible idea.” OH DAMIEN. SUCH VOCAB!
I seriously think I’m going to go back over these reviews and start keeping track of Damien’s Impressive Vocabulary Fails.