Currently, we’re in the middle of Zoey’s Grandma explaining what the poem means. This obviously required two chapters to accomplish.
House of Night: Untamed Chapter 22
Because such evil forces are the subject of the poem, Zoey’s grandma refuses to explain further until they smudge – a cleansing ritual that I’m not 100% certain I just conjugated correctly. Zoey gets the herbs while Aphrodite – I shit you not, this is actual dialogue – has “got the pot part covered”.
“I got the pot part covered,” Aphrodite said, handing me a lavender-colored bowl
Sure, the FIRST House of Night book was full of forced, not-funny pot jokes, but once the jokes are set up on a silver platter? Nada.
[It] looked expensive and old. She shrugged her shoulders at me. “Yeah, it’s expensive.”
Wait, can we get another line about this? I’m not sure we’ve established that Aphrodite is our moneyed character yet.
Once Grandma Redbird resumes talking, this chapter is about 80% infodump and 20% Zoey and Aphrodite interrupted the infodump to make “funny” asides. Which you would think would be better than just a straight infodump, at least strictly from a formula perspective, but somehow manages to be much worse.
“In ancient times, angels walked the earth and mated with humans. Many peoples have stories to describe this time [but] all of the stories agree on two points: First, that they were beautiful. Second, that they mated with humans.”
“Makes sense,” Aphrodite said. “If they were so hot, of course women would want to be with them.”
You see what I mean.
Grandma explains about the Tsi Sgili mentioned in the poem. We learn that they’re evil witches, outcasts from their former tribes, gain their powers from fear, pain, and death, and are psychic. But they don’t have a hierarchy, which complicates them trying to understand the part of the poem about the Tsi Sgili queen. But Zoey and Aphrodite do think about how they both know a powerful psychic: Neferet!
Grandma then explains that Kalona is from an old myth known as the Raven Mockers. He’s similar to a fallen angel, and his story is that he was obsessed with lust for women.
“He had to have women— he craved them constantly, and he also hated them for causing the lust and need he felt for them.”
Aphrodite snorted. “I bet it was him feeling the lust, not them. No one wants a guy who’s a man ho, no matter how hot he is.”
The myths say that Kalona’s children, however, were ravens with the eyes and limbs of humans. Conveniently, Zoey realizes that the unknown thing in the night that’s been threatening her this book sounds like ravens. Aphrodite reveals she has also been hearing ravens at night. Grandma flips her shit. For a sentence, then just keeps telling the story like this doesn’t sound like the only important thing that’s happened in this whole book so far.
A group of ancient High Priestess analogues came up with a plan to trap Kalona underground, because he conveniently had a weakness to the earth that just came up right now. They used their magic to make a beautiful clay woman, A-ya, who would seduce Kalona and then run away underground, where he would follow them. For some reason, Zoey calls bullshit on this.
“You’ve got to be kidding, Grandma!”
“Young lady, why is that any more difficult to believe than a girl having the ability to call forth all five of the elements?”
“Huh,” I said, feeling my cheeks getting warm at her mild rebuke. “I guess you have a point.”
“For sure she has a point. Now be quiet and let her tell the rest of the story,” Aphrodite said.
“Sorry, Grandma,” I muttered.
“You must remember that magic is real, Zoeybird,” Grandma said.
“You must remember that magic is real, main character of a book where people gain magic powers and this drives is what drives the entire plot.”
“A-ya did what she had been created to do. She fled from Kalona with her magical speed. Kalona followed her. In his fierce need for her, he barely hesitated at the mouth of the cave into which she disappeared […] Kalona caught A-ya deep within the bowels of the earth […] But the instant he penetrated her, that soft, inviting body changed back into what it had once been— earth and the spirit of woman. Her arms and legs became the clay that held him, her spirit the quicksand that trapped him, as the Ghigua Women’s chanting called on the Earth Mother to seal the cave, trapping Kalona in A-ya’s eternal embrace. And there he still is today, firmly held to the bosom of Earth.”
…by his dick, apparently.
Grandma concludes the myth, saying that Kalona’s children – the Raven Mockers – prophesied that Kalona would one day return and take vengeance, especially against women.
Grandma hesitated as Aphrodite and I stared in horror at the poem. Finally she said, “I’m afraid the poem from your vision is the song the ravens sang. And I think it’s a warning that Kalona is about to return.”
I’m gonna be honest. This all seems like some shit out of nowhere thrown in to spice up book #4, which was rapidly running out of plot, but I’m more so relieved that there’s finally something guiding it a bit? Previously the capital-P Plot was “Neferet is secretly evil and is secretly planning a secret evil plan. Maybe we’ll see it someday.” Maybe this is too much to hope for from House of Night, but maybe this is… direction?
Speaking of direction, stay tuned for next week, where Zoey’s friends take two whole chapters to continue talking about what the poem could possibly mean.
Oh my sweet Jesus. I have my work cut out for me if I want to catch up with y’all. Yes, I checked out the HoN books from my library. Up to Book 7/Burned, to be exact. I also picked up Left Behind for shits and giggles…
I gotta admit, reading about Kalona and the Raven Mockers on the HoN wiki felt like a bit of an abstraction. Especially the bit about A-ya. Now that they’re finally getting introduced in the plot, though…
/shudders
So now we have another creepy story featuring a character named, uh, “Aya” with supernatural origins and a tragic (?) connection to her pursuer who has also been reincarnated (or something like that). Oh wait, I’m sorry, this isn’t Ceres, Celestial Legend.
The myths say that Kalona’s children, however, were ravens with the eyes and limbs of humans.
…um. Wow. That is totally not a disturbing image and deeeeeeeeefinitely not at all surreal à la Puella Magi Madoka Magica. I admit I tend to connect just about everything to Madoka Magica in my free time, but I swear that line from the book would fit right into a biography for some poor witch’s familiar. (Doubly so because of Rebellion Story, given that a corvine familiar shows up in the movie. I won’t spoil anything more.)
Now I’m imagining an AU crossover where Kalona was the first mahou shounen and, uh, warlock. Kalona would therefore be the crossover!verse’s equivalent of Walpurgisnacht. Gee, no wonder Grandma Redbird’s flipping her shit.
So we have a completely flawless working nun in the story but no, she isn’t used! For some stupid reason the I-can’t-believe-they-are-not-Grigori and their totes-not-Nephilim-we-promise-really-we-do offspring are shoehorned into the Cherokee religion which didn’t even have angels in the sense the typical target audience member understand the word “angel” … oh heavens, why???
The raven mockers are a genuine Cherokee legend, so … ok. I’m kinda ok with that part.
@ AJ: PMMM crossover … great. Now you have forever ruined my mental image of Neferet and I can’t stop thinking of her face looking perpetually smug, well …
／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
You’re welcome. ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
Knowing the Casts, a HoN/PMMM crossover would probably not end with Zoey making a contract with Kyuubey to destroy all witches in any form of existence, rewrite the universe, naked space hugs, blah blah blah. Zoey’s too ~~special~~ for that. I bet she’ll probably start making a wish, but then someone else interrupts her and sacrifices themselves, all vampyres aligned with Darkness get eradicated/brainwashed back into goodness, Zoey wins Globnar despite not even being in Gravity Falls and uses her time wish to get all the boys in her yard, the nerd herd becomes the new Holy Quintet of magical girls despite having more than five members, the end. Oh, and Neferet dies.
I swear I didn’t just give away some part of the series finale for HoN.
So, the Raven Mockers and presumably Kalona are in Oklahoma. The Cherokee’s original homeland was on the East Coat, mainly Georgia, the Carolinas and Tennessee, according to Wikipedia. So why the hell are Kalona and his kids in Oklahoma?
Because the Casts don’t even research the culture they’re stealing from.
Research?!? I’m pretty sure everything the Casts put into this series was through rolls of dice, not actual facts.
“What Native American culture should we use?”
“Well the dice says Cherokee, so let’s go with that.”
“Should we Google anything about the Cherokee?”
Then they break down in laughter.
I wonder if the Casts claim Cherokee ancestry? It might explain why they’re so eager to pepper in references to Zoey’s ~mystical grandma and the like. So the Casts live in Oklahoma, ergo, Cherokee deities can also show up in Oklahoma. Since the world revolves around Zoey, and all…
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And now I remember why I quit this series. I did get to this point. The whole thing with Kalona is about to get really rapey. He’s basically a sexual predator with God-like powers. That’s when I got really creeped out about the Casts. Just a trigger warning.
Thanks for the warning. I kind of expected that was coming with his description, but still.
At least with a magical rape-monster you’re getting what you’re expecting, which is an evi rapeyl asshole. So on one level, this is a lot less creepy than when I realized Loren was going to bang Zoey. Because in that situation my assumption was that you can trust teachers not to have sex with their underage students.
I wouldn’t say you’re getting a monster, more like a monster who’s a weeabo because he loved a girl who didn’t like him so all the piping he did isn’t his fault, and he’s also got so that forgives everything kthanksbye!
Damn autocorrect, not piping, raping
“He had to have women— he craved them constantly, and he also hated them for causing the lust and need he felt for them.”
Aphrodite snorted.
For a hot second here I thought Casts were gonna make a point about how dickish it is for a guy to blame women for he felt, or something like that.
“I bet it was him feeling the lust, not them. No one wants a guy who’s a man ho, no matter how hot he is.”
*Sigh* Should’ve guessed