Beautiful Redemption Chapter 13: Drunk Jackson Is So F***ing Boring

No, it’s not the same thing I posted last week. This story is just that predictable.

Beautiful Redemption: Chapter 13

Hey, readers. Ready for the single thing in Beautiful Redemption that has made me the most upset?

Val held the wine glass to her lips. Her legs were stretched out across my couch in her charcoal-gray lounge pants, and she had on a light-blue T-shirt that read, Well, the patriarch isn’t going to fuck itself.

Not a typo. That really says “the patriarch isn’t going to fuck itself”. As opposed to “the patriarchy”, which I’m sure is an explanation that about zero percent of our blog’s audience needed.

This is decidedly not the most important thing to talk about in this chapter, but I have concluded that this one line is emblematic of everything that’s wrong with this book. No matter how you look at it, it looks bad. Maybe it’s just a typo, but then it’s hard to ignore that this is the first self-published Maddox Brothers book and that begs the question of whether it was also the first self-edited. If there’s one thing we endorse over here at BBGT, it’s the power of teamwork because only Ariel understands web analytics having a goddamn editor.

On the other hand, maybe Jamie McGuire actually doesn’t know that the concept is “the patriarchy”, which definitely brings to mind just how deeply indebted the Maddox Brothers books are to their championing of abusive, violent, controlling, obsessive, toxic masculinity-driven male characters. In other words, the patriarchy is a major concept in feminist theory, which these books definitely aren’t terribly well acquainted with. I’m almost certain that what’s happened here is that McGuire saw a shirt or meme that said “Well, the patriarchy isn’t going to fuck itself”, which was going around the internet a few years back, thought “why, I bet my sassy-ass BFF character would totally wear something sassy like that!”, and misremembered the quote/the English language.

Seriously, I must have come across this image a dozen times in college. I wonder if that’s actually what happened.

I’ll admit it’s a bit much to tear into this chapter for what’s ultimately one typo, but I feel like there’s just layers and layers in here. It’s like the “ogres are like onions” bit from Shrek. Except if the moral weren’t that ogres are good-hearted, just complex, but instead was that sometimes authors who angrily lash out at criticism that they aren’t writing quite what they think they’re writing will probably continue to not write quite what they think they’re writing.

Anyway, we’ve spent over 400 words talking about the first paragraph in this chapter, and there’s another reason why I’ve done that: this chapter is boring as fuck. Val tells Liis that Thomas is clearly in love with her. Duh. Liis’s ex-fiance Jackson drunkenly shows up at her door. Duhhh. Thus far the most unexpected thing that’s happened in this chapter was that typo.

I recognized Jackson standing in the doorway, looking desperate and drunk.

Remember how my post for the chapter right before this one was titled “Jackson Is So Fucking Boring“? Even drunk Jackson has nothing interesting to offer this story. GET IT TOGETHER, DUDE. You’re drunk and heartbroken and desperate to win back your ex! This should be juicy as shit. But for whatever reason, Jackson continues to be so predictable and insubstantial with dialogue that anyone could have written in their sleep! And it makes so little sense that I sort of wonder if McGuire did write it in her sleep.

“I went to the Top Gun bar like you said. Got drunk. There are some hot, hot”— he squinted his eyes—“ women in this town.” His face fell. “It made me miss you even more,” he whined, trudging past me into the living room. […] “I don’t want to do those things without you,” he slurred. “I want to experience San Diego with you. Maybe if… if I transferred here, too—”

I mean, I get that he’s super drunk and it makes sense that he’s making no sense right now, but… he wants Liis back so he can do what things with her? The only thing he talked about doing just before that was ogling women. JACKSON. BRO. WHAT IS YOUR GAMEPLAN HERE? NOT, LIKE, IN LIFE. IN THIS STORY. SERIOUSLY, I DON’T GET WHAT YOU ADD TO THE NARRATIVE.

Liis tries to call Jackson a cab to his hotel. Jackson continues to barely be a blip of a character by grabbing her phone and throwing it across the room, then collapsing and crying.

I walked toward my phone, but Jackson got to it before I could, and he tossed it across the room. […] “I’m sorry!” Jackson yelled back, leaning forward and holding up his hands. “Don’t call a cab, Liisee.” […]
He climbed to his knees and began to blubber.
“Oh no. Oh, please. Please stop,” I said, holding out my hands.

I really can’t put my finger on why I think Jackson is so uninteresting, and so hilariously so. Maybe it’s got something to do with how predictable every action he takes is? And how not one sentence here seems to describe a desirable person? Which isn’t to poke fun at a heartbroken man for breaking into tears. Although the word “blubbering” certainly isn’t flattering. Maybe it’s so funny to me because the inscrutable lack of chemistry between any Maddox heroine and her ex isn’t really all that different from the lack of chemistry between her and her Maddox brother.

Thankfully, Liis chooses this moment to beat up Jackson.

“That’s it! I’ve tried to be nice. Get out!” […]
“What’s it going to take for you to hear me? I can’t just let you go! You’re the love of my life!”
“You’re not giving me a choice,” I said, grabbing hold of his fingers and bending them backward.

Naturally, Thomas hears all this commotion and suddenly appears to save the day. Also very true to his character, Jackson immediately falls asleep.

“Jackson?” I said loudly, poking at his shoulder. “Where are you staying?” When he didn’t answer, my shoulders fell. “We can’t put him in a cab while he’s passed out.”

Classic Jackson! Liis says they have no option but to let Jackson crash on her couch. Thomas tries to talk her into staying at his apartment. He does not lead with the explanation he should.

“I have an important meeting in the morning, and I won’t be able to sleep, worrying that he’s going to wake up and wander into your bed.”
I pulled my hand back. “I would hate for you not to be at your best during the meeting.”

I mean, totally valid reason (and good that Liis called him out on it!), but notice how he made it all about himself? Remember what I was saying about how Maddox Brothers novels always have confounding chemistry?

“I admit it. I don’t want him fucking touching you.” […] He took a step toward me, tenderly gripping my hips. “Can’t you see through my bullshit by now?”
“Can’t we just… I don’t know… say what we think or feel?”

Oh my god, I never thought I’d see the day where a character in a Jamie McGuire novel would ever say this! FINALLY!

This somehow segues into Liis admitting that she’s “afraid I can’t do this even if I want to. And I’m not sure you can either.” And then that somehow segues into them going upstairs to Thomas’s apartment. Why not.

I walked over to a console table next to the flat screen on the opposite side of the room. Three silver frames held black-and-white photos. […] one [was] of Thomas and a woman.
Her beauty was distinctive, seeming to be wild and effortless. Her razor-cut short hair and cleavage-baring tight shirt surprised me. She wasn’t who I’d thought would be Thomas’s type at all.

Why not.

“Is she Camille?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, his voice tinged with disgrace. “I’m sorry. I’m rarely home. I forget it’s there.”

Oh, I’m calling so much bullshit on this.

I was always a firm believer that a person couldn’t love two people at the same time. If Thomas still loves Camille, what does that mean for me?

Wait, is that the theme of the novel? It hasn’t been explicitly stated for a few chapters, so I kind of forgot.

Liis panics, and I genuinely rather like how her sudden, fear-ridden train of thought is detailed in this passage:

These feelings for Thomas, Agent Maddox, my boss needed to stop now. I glanced at his couch as I worried that I would one day be begging him to love me in return, showing up drunk and emotional at his door before passing out on his couch like Jackson was on mine.

Liis opts to take a sleeping bag on the floor. This exchange is also nice and quietly sad:

He chuckled. “Taylor said the same thing. You’re welcome to the bed.”
“I think, given our history, that is a particularly bad idea,” I said, quoting him from before.
“What do you plan to do when we go to St. Thomas?” he asked.
“It will be your turn to take the floor.” I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice.

Don’t worry. The next chapter is an insanely convoluted infodump about the Las Vegas mafia subplot that’s been mentioned maybe twice before this point, which is now halfway through the book. Have fun with that, Ariel! I have no idea what it’s talking about.