It took a little longer than we expected, but eBooks for Sweet Valley Confidential and Beautiful Redemption are available now on Amazon!
Don’t forget that literally all of our eBooks are part of the deal if you subscribe to our Patreon. (Including the ones that Amazon pulls from time to time. Ugh, Amazon.) Seriously, $1 a month is all it takes to get all of our eBooks, and also earn our undying love. It is quite undying, so, you know, think about it!
Also, you might know that if you’re a $3/month patron, you get access to our Patreon-exclusive posts, where Ariel and I take a deeper dive into specific topics (like why House of Night‘s Erik Night is such a dick, or when pop culture references do or don’t add verisimilitude), or come up with horrible BBGT crossover fanfiction. Our most recent post explored how we thought our favorite BBGT characters would play Pokemon Go, and we decided we simply had to share an excerpt of this with everyone. If you want the whole thing, consider becoming a patron! Hope you enjoy!
Ana wants to play Pokemon Go with Christian Grey, but she’s never heard of Pokemon, smart phones, video games, or going outside before. Christian is cool with Ana playing it since there’s not much of an interactive element and not a chance she’ll come in contact with other men.
Although, I guess if Ana’s allowed out in the world, she will inevitably encounter other people playing Pokemon, and if a guy innocently asks if she just saw that Pikachu, Christian might lose his shit.
And Christian’s office is definitely a gym, and he is constantly annoyed with teenagers milling about catching Pokemon.
That is, until they go on a trip to New York. Christian had business to do, and they decided to make it a personal trip as well. But little did they know that in a big city like New York, there are people playing Pokemon Go literally everywhere. It’s not subtle. They’re just everywhere and everyone knows what’s up.
Suddenly, MEN are on the street, passing Christian and Ana, asking Ana is she’s playing. And it’s happening all the time. This angers Christian so much. How dare other men talk to Ana? Don’t they know that she is his? I mean, seriously, how many more hipsters does he have to punch in the face in the name of love today?
But this isn’t even Christian’s only problem, because he simply must own everything, including the gyms in this stupid smartphone game. But there is another user constantly taking back the gyms he takes. A user with the nickname… Crossfire.
After following a thousand members of paparazzi, Christian and Ana wind up at the Crossfire building, which is also a gym. Outside the building are the paparazzi, Pokemon Go players, and paparazzi Pokemon Go players.
Eva, who wanted to be a partner to Gideon, someone who could help him when he needed to be two places at once, is defending the gym. It is a really good thing she recently quit her job because she is doing really important things for Gideon obviously. Cary is also there, Googling Pokemon Go.
The photographers are going nuts because Eva is wearing a stylish outfit and playing Pokemon Go, so shit is crazy at the Crossfire.
“What’s Crossfire?” Ana asked Christian Grey.
“Crossfire is owned by Gideon Cross.” Christian snarled.
“What’s Gideon Cross?” Ana asked.
“He’s a handsome, celebrity billionaire CEO in charge of a number of vaguely defined businesses,” Christian Grey murmured. “He’s nothing like me.”
“Holy crap.” Ana murmured.
“I didn’t know who he was until I Googled him this morning.” Christian murmured.
“What’s Google?” Ana asked.
“Google is a way to search for information about your best friend’s enemies. It’s enabled me to be part of this story without actually doing anything,” Cary said while Googling Anne Lucas again for some reason.
Then a Magmar shows up and everyone basically starts losing their shit. Gideon eventually comes outside to catch the Magmar, and can’t decide if he wants to makeout with Eva or catch the Pokemon, so he does both at once because he’s Gideon Fucking Cross.
Christian is threatened by this blatant show of primal masculinity. Eventually the two couples engage in conversation, and after all four take turns accusing one another of hitting on their respective partner, they start to realize they have a lot in common. Because that’s what Pokemon Go does. It brings people together, damn it.
“Aw, hell!” said a teenager who showed up out of nowhere. “I just had this gym and it’s been taken away from me again? Why must I suffer so, even though I have been chosen by the Goddess to be the best at everything? Poop!”
“Who are you?” Christian Grey said, irritated that she wasn’t eye-fucking him.
“I am Zoey Redbird. But omg, I know who you are. Everybody knows who you are! You’re the vampyre billionaire CEO, Christian Grey!”
“I’m… what?”
“Everybody who’s even mildly famous and popular is a vampyre. Obviously.”
The full story/very long joke is over at our Patreon! Patrons get our eBooks and more extra content like this! Whether you donate or not, thanks for reading our blog!
