Wanna hear something crazy? Back in the day, we used to do a feature called What We’re Actually Reading, where we’d talk about – get this – the other books we were reading. I know. On a book blog. Madness.
And we’re bringing it back! Ariel’s joining in on the fun this time, and Matthew has a pathetically tiny 21-book goal to get through in 2017 (btw Matthew is writing this right now hello), and we figure it’s always fun to talk about books we actually want to read every now and then. Although they’re still not always good.
Heartless by Marissa Meyer
Why’d I Read This?
A book blogger I follow told me she thought it was really bad, but that other people seemed to really enjoy it. “AHA!” I thought immediately, “I run a blog where this might have just the home! Or if I love it, then I’ve also won!”
The book serves as the origin story of the Queen of Hearts, and imagines that Catherine used to be a passionate baker who longed for a simple life. However, the King of Hearts takes an interest in her, and her well-to-do, overbearing family pressure her into going along with his courtship. BUT UH OH the sexy court jester, aptly named Jest, is actually the man of Catherine’s dreams, so what is a girl to do?
Bad Book OR Good Time?
Bad book, but not enough of a bad book that making fun of it chapter by chapter would necessarily be a good time. I have been considering it, but given how many books with have in our backlog, it doesn’t quite make the cut.
The book is super repetitive (seriously, the whole thing is just Catherine hating that the king is courting her and wishing she could be with Jest instead), and Catherine isn’t particularly compelling. There are a number of things that could have been done to make the ending actually seem inevitable – instead, a lot of the situations seemed contrived. “Whelp, this doesn’t really make much sense, but hey, she has to become the Queen of Hearts somehow, so here we are.”
If at one point she had just tried to be honest with the king that she didn’t have feelings for him, and he had reacted in a way where you understood why Catherine couldn’t get out of the situation, that would have really helped the story.
Can You Explain It In Terms of Other Books We Read On This Blog?
No. Matthew is forcing me to answer this. I would argue it’s like the reverse of Sweet Valley Confidential where instead of an unsatisfying sequel, you can an unsatisfying prequel.
-Ariel
One Bloody Thing After Another by Joey Comeau
Why’d I Read This?
I was a huge fan of A Softer World – the webcomic Joey Comeau did with Emily Horne – but somehow I’ve only read one of his novels before. ASW fans will be right at home with OBTAA, which hits a similarly surreal balance of quiet comedy and unrelenting sadness. It’s a horror story that juggles a few characters’ horror stories. We have a vengeful ghost, we have a flesh-eating monster, and we have unrequited teenage love. Just all kinds of horrors, really.
Bad Book OR Good Time?
Largely a good time! Comeau’s vignette-style writing handles the multi-character juggling with short chapters that offer more impressions than answers. The effect does wonders for turning characters into actual people, although the multiple stories don’t get woven together at the end quite as neatly as they all deserved. The horror didn’t stick with me like his other work, but it was a funnier horror novel. That’s definitely a good time.
Can You Explain It In Terms of Other Books We Read On This Blog?
Like Goosebumps, but instead of each chapter ending with a fake-out scare, they’re existential dread. But in a funny way. And with lesbians.
-Matthew
A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas
Why’d I Read This?
Maas fever was spreading, and my Twitter feed was blowing up when A Court of Mist and Fury (the sequel to ACOTAR) came out, so I decided to see what all the fuss was about. Again, I always read books with the ulterior motive of being on the lookout for bad books, so I’m always kind of surprised when a book winds up totally winning me over despite there being some dumb and/or cliche elements to it.
ACOTAR is kind of a reimagining of Beauty and the Beast. Feyre kills a fairy disguised as a wolf, and his friend shows up for retribution. It was all very magical, but seemed really stupid to me because she gets whisked away from poverty and a family that is shitty to her to this gorgeous mansion where everyone is really nice to her and only kind of irritated she killed their friend. BUT THEN IT ALL WINDS UP MAKING SENSE! You guys, I couldn’t believe it.
Bad Book OR Good Time?
Good time! There are things in this story you have seen before, but ultimately I enjoyed the characters, there are some great action scenes, and I liked both the romanic leads. Their connection made sense to me, and it actually took time to grow and develop and wasn’t over the course of two days like we normally read here. I enjoyed the first half of the story, but the second half is where it’s really at. Come talk to me if you read it!
Can You Explain It In Terms of Other Books We Read On This Blog?
If Gideon and Christian were still rich and powerful but also genuinely nice dudes who respected the women they were with. Also if they were fantasy creatures of some sort.
-Ariel
Screw Everyone by Ophira Eisenberg
Why’d I Read This?
This was actually a recommendation from a date from last summer, appropriately (?) enough. And I’ve seen Ophira’s stand-up before and haven’t read a memoir in… ever. I probably didn’t really need to write more of an explanation than “funny sex memoir”, I am now realizing. Also I was too sad to finish reading Roxane Gay’s new book this month.
Bad Book OR Good Time?
Funny sex memoir. What do you think? We read so much fucking erotica for this blog, it’s nice to sit back with some personal anecdotes that seem more like things that real human people experience. And it helps that it’s pretty hilarious. Comedy is tragedy plus time! Which isn’t a bad sex tip, come to think of it.
Can You Explain It In Terms of Other Books We Read On This Blog?
Calendar Girl, but if the sex were less “an earth-shattering orgasm erupted from my O-trigger” and more, say, “misery loves company”. Or Crossfire if it described the dating scene in New York City in a way that actually resembled the dating scene in New York City.
-Matthew
What have you read this last month? Share what you’ve been reading in the comments!