Happy Halloween everyone! I’m not sure we ever actually managed to time our Goosebumps reading so that it ends on Halloween itself. Heckin’ spooky AF, you guys.
Previously, Zackie became un-convinced that the obviously haunted typewriter is haunted, and after one prank too many just sat down and wrote a new story about the blob monster terrorizing the entire town and eating people. So the blob monster has shown up and started eating people. Good work, dipshit.
The Blob That Ate Everyone: Chapter 28
Zackie done fucked up.
I’ve got to think of something, I told myself. I’ve got to stop this monster.
Or it will eat me next.
The Blob Monster began to slide forward, plopping wetly on the sidewalk as it moved.
Zackie speeds off, but the blob monster chases him! Then he remembers this detail that for some fucking reason he wrote in his story on a typewriter that for one goddamned moment he thought had supernatural powers to make the things typed on it come true:
What happens next? What did I type next?
“Oh, no!” I shrieked when I remembered.
This is the part where I fall off my bike!
“AIIIII!” My front tire hit a rock—and I went flying over the handlebars.
Zackie recovers and runs into Alex and Adam. Adam is dumber that we suspected.
He went running up to the Blob Monster.
“Yeah. It’s some kind of big balloon!” Adam repeated, grinning.
And that’s how Adam died.
The monster’s purple tongue slid quickly around Adam’s waist.
It pulled Adam easily into the open mouth. And then the Blob Monster swallowed him with a sickening gulp.
Alex and I both screamed.
Alex totally knows what’s up.
Alex turned to me. “Did you write that?” she demanded in a trembling voice.
I nodded. “Yes. It’s in my story,” I confessed.
Alex grabbed my shoulder. “Well, what happens next? Tell me. What comes next?”
“I—I don’t know,” I stammered. “That’s where I stopped writing!”
Remember the time the typewriter made Adam show up on Zackie’s doorstep but unable to do anything until Zackie also typed that he knocked on the door? Wanna bet the typewriter conveniently isn’t so pedantic anymore?
Chapter 29
Yeah, it’s not.
I heard a thumping at the front door. Then I heard a loud CRAAAACK.
And I knew the huge pink Blob had broken down the door.
Zackie has a pretty obvious plan: quickly write that the blob’s victims are ok and that the blob monster never existed. But then Zackie gets foiled by technology.
I held my breath and pounded the keys.
Pounded as hard and fast as I could until—
“NOOOOO!”
“What’s wrong?” Alex shrieked.
“The keys are jammed!”
OH NOOOOO ONLY 90S KIDS WILL GET THIIIIIIIIS
Chapter 30
The blob monster enters the room! Alex tells Zackie to please un-jam the typewriter keys. That oughta help.
“NOOOOOO!” I opened my mouth in a terrified wail as the tongue stretched across the room. Reached for me…
Reached for me…
No!
The tongue wrapped around the typewriter. Lifted it easily.
Hahahahahaha oh my god they’re so fucked
Chapter 31
Zackie excitedly gets another idea and grabs the pen that he got from the lady who gave him the obviously haunted typewriter.
“The old pen the woman gave me. Maybe it has the same powers as the typewriter. Maybe I can write an ending with the pen—and make the Blob Monster disappear!”
“Hurry—!” Alex warned.
R L Stine gets way into detail.
I pulled off the cap on the pen and lowered the point to the paper.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaay into detail.
“THE—”
The blob monster attacks.
I wrote one word—and felt something hot and wet slap against the side of my face.
The fat purple tongue slid against me.
“Ow!” I cried out. And dropped the pen.
The monster eats the pen too. Things look dire with the monster blocking the doorway and the window bolted shut with an air conditioner. Then Zackie comes up with the best idea of all.
“Alex—remember when Adam typed something on my story? And it didn’t come true? […] maybe that’s because it’s me that has the power.”
OH MY GOD YES THE POWER OF LOVE WAS INSIDE YOU ALL ALONG
“Maybe the power isn’t in the typewriter or the pen. Maybe I got the power that night in that antique shop when I was zapped by that electrical shock.”
Alex swallowed hard. “Maybe…”
Zackie does not pick up on how Alex has clearly just accepted death and keeps convincing himself the message of this story was actually empowerment.
“Maybe it’s been in me the whole time!” I cried excitedly. “All I have to do is think what I want to happen—and it will come true.”
The fat tongue licked her arm. It left a thick smear of sticky drool on her skin.
“Think fast, Zackie!” Alex cried. […] I froze in horror as the fat tongue wrapped around Alex. It lifted her off the floor. […]
I shut my eyes.
Think! I instructed myself. Think hard!
And that’s how Zackie and Alex died.
Chapter 32
Nope, the power was seriously inside Zackie all along.
The monster is gone.
That’s what I thought. […] Then I opened my eyes.
And the Blob Monster was gone!
Alex stood in the center of the floor, a dazed expression on her face. “It… it worked,” she choked out.
Alex decides to save his shitty friend.
Adam is back, I thought. […]
I opened my eyes—and Adam stood beside Alex.
He blinked several times, then squinted at me. “What’s happening?” he asked.
The three of them all start laughing. For some reason Adam is laughing even though he still doesn’t believe Zackie.
All three of us stood there, laughing, laughing, laughing—laughing happily ever after.
Yeah, Zackie’s already forgotten about the policemen he saw the blob monster eat, I guess. Fuck those guys. It’s the happy ending!
Chapter 33
OR IS IT?
“Well? Did you like my story?”
The pink Blob Monster neatened the pages he had just read and set them down on the desk. He turned to his friend, a green-skinned Blob Monster.
“Did you just write that?” the green monster asked.
“I call it ‘Attack of the Humans’,” the Blob Monster replied. “Did you really like it?”
“Yes. Those humans are really gross,” his friend replied.
Wait, guys, I kind of genuinely love this. This might actually be my favorite Goosebumps twist ending yet.
“Do you know my favorite part?”
“What part?”
“When the Blob Monster ate Adam. That was really fun!”
Haha, same! OH MY GOD, MAN IS THE REAL MONSTER.
“But I have just one problem with your story. […] Why did you give it such an unhappy ending? I hated it when the human shut his eyes, and the Blob Monster disappeared. That was so sad.”
“Do you think so?” the pink monster asked, gazing down thoughtfully at the pages he had written.
“Yes,” his friend replied. “You should have a happy ending, instead. Everyone likes a happy ending.”
The pink Blob Monster picked up his story. “Okay. You’re right. I’ll change the ending. I’ll have the Blob Monster eat them all!”
“Great! I love it!” his friend declared. “Now, that’s a great ending!”
Hahahahahaha holy shit, best Goosebumps ever. Happy Halloween, everybody. Good choice.
/shocked
I’M SHOOK
I think that’s a better plot twist than most of the other books y’all have reviewed.
Seriously, though. Somehow a book called The Blob That Ate Everyone is the best book we’ve read on the blog.
I thought the dog ending was Stine’s most surprising twist, but this was -amazing!-
(also, hello! I’ve been reading this site from time to time, recently I’ve been going through a lot of the backlog, feverishly reading your commentaries on Calendar girls (wtf happened with that plot??), beautiful/walking disaster, and most of the YA books. Currently working my way through the House of Night series)