Previously, Christian gave his ex a bath because reasons. Also, most of the chapter was communicated via intense eye contact somehow.
Darker: Chapter 5 (Part 3)
TUESDAY, JUNE 14, 2011
I’m tired and anxious to get back to Escala. Ana’s purse and cell phone are still in the car, and Taylor has informed me that she went home with Ethan. The thought is displeasing.
This threw me for a second because I thought Christian was just at Ana’s home inappropriately giving his ex a bath, but I guess he meant his home. I’m not sure why the thought is so displeasing that Ana is headed home with a friend while she’s probably shaken up. Oh, wait, it’s because it’s a male friend (even though Christian is the one who WAS JUST BATHING HIS EX).
When he gets home, he tells Taylor that they’ll no longer “be needing the guys”, which puts about 200 people out of a job. Also, he realises that Ana is nowhere to be found! And he can’t track her because she left her phone in the car! Honestly, I’m shocked that Christian didn’t have Ana’s gynaecologist implant a tracking device in her vagina last time she made a house call.
As soon as I step into my apartment, I sense Ana’s not home. My place has a ringing emptiness about it.
Not only is everyone communicating through eye contact, but now he can immediately sense Ana’s lack of presence in his massive house.
Christian has no idea where to start looking for Ana. He contemplates calling Elliot/Kate to get Ethan’s number, but it’s after midnight where they’re travelling. I mean…I feel like those two crazy kids would probably be awake, and it’s kind of weird for Christian to be considerate in this one really weird instance. Like this is actually incredibly out of character.
I stare out at the city skyline. The sun is sinking into the sea off the Olympic Peninsula, reflecting the last of the light into my apartment. It’s ironic that all this week I’ve been looking at this view and wondering where Leila might be. Now I’m wondering about Ana.
That is most definitely not irony and just a sequence of events.
Christian worries Ana will never come home. Also contemplates how much he loves mac and cheese:
[Gail] studies me for a moment. “I’ve made some mac and cheese. I’ll leave it in the fridge.” Mac and cheese. My favorite.
So I’ve learned that Christian hates condoms and loves mac and cheese. I am so happy we got this story from Christian’s perspective!
Christian waits for Ana to come home for what feels like twenty pages. Even going so far as to compare himself to his elevator.
I keep glancing at the elevator. But it remains quite.
Empty.
Like me.
I never thought I’d say this, but Ana please come home so he stops this nonsense. Bro, we get it.
Ana shows up shortly after (yay?) Christian is immediately furious with her because she disappeared and has been drinking (boo!)
“I went for a drink or three with Ethan while you attended to your ex.” She spits out the last word like venom.
Hell. She’s mad.
Thank you for clarifying. I wasn’t sure. It was not obvious from the way she spit her words. Or the way that last one sounded like venom.
They have a huge argument and Christian is baffled by Ana feeling upset and uncomfortable with everything that happened. I mean, this is the man who freaks out if Ana walks side by side with another man, and he can’t see why any of this was upsetting for her?
Ana tells him she’s going to go home and take some time to herself, and he has a fucking meltdown that she’s leaving him. I mean, this is some seriously emotionally manipulative shit:
Christ. “Why do you do this to me? This is not about you, Ana. It’s about her. Right now, she’s a very sick girl.”
[…]
“You can’t go. Ana, I love you!” It’s my last-minute pitch to save this deal, to save us.
[…]
I drop to my knees.
I take a deep breath and place my hands on my thighs.
Of course now Ana stops talking about her feelings or taking time to herself and rushes to comfort Christian and reassure him that she’ll never leave him.
“Christian, you don’t have to do this. I’m not going to run. I’ve told you and told you and told you, I won’t run.”
[…]
“Just time to think,” she continues. “We barely know each other, and all this baggage that comes with you. I need. I need time to think it through.”
You can’t say you barely know someone, but then promise to never leave them! People, please, come on.
Ana talks about how she doesn’t understand why Christian would possibly want her and he obviously isn’t getting everything he needs from her. She saw it with Leila! I mean…I don’t know what she saw with him and Leila but that was not the takeaway I expected.
Christian tries to explain why the situation was so dangerous, why Ana had to leave, and why he did what he did:
A memory from years ago surfaces, unwelcome— Leila smirking as she deliberately turned her back on me, knowing the consequences. “She was always so mischievous and lively. She might have harmed you. And it would have been my fault.”
Let me see if I understand. One time Leila deliberately turned her back on Christian to defy his rules…playfully -> she is mischievous…and lively -> she might harm Ana.
To show Ana how much she means to him, Christian lets her touch him on his chest. He also explains his Dark Secret in case you forgot:
“I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore— my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.” The words tumble out of my mouth in a rush like they’ve been ready and waiting for days.
This devolves into a confusing conversation about how Ana cured him! But she didn’t cure him! They barely know each other! But they’re madly in love and will be forever!
“What can I do to make you understand I will not run? What can I say?” She’s exasperated.
And to my surprise an idea springs to mind. An idea so wild and out of my comfort zone that I wonder where it came from. I swallow. “There is one thing you can do.”
“What?” she snaps.
“Marry me.”
The emotional manipulative has reached new and more disturbing levels. Ana insists she needs to think about this, but it’s not a no. Didn’t he just ask her to move in this morning?
Ana repeatedly asks for time to think about this, and then they’re all smiles and laughs…until then they’re fighting again about Leila and Ana storms off to bed. Not even mac and cheese can help them now.
Like? I love mac and cheese. “You want some?” I try and tempt her.
[…]
She storms out of the kitchen toward the bedroom, leaving me with cooling, congealing macaroni and cheese.
Shit.
Oh my gosh. Isn’t this everyone’s dream proposal! The crazy stalker you barely know admits to being totally psycho and then emotionally manipulates you. It’s just what I have always wanted. But we both don’t understand what the other sees in us so we are perfect. And he said I love you and so its like so totally romantic.
I mean, this whole interlude was a mess already in the original, but Christian’s perspective just seems to be making it all worse. From Ana’s POV, he was nearly catatonic when he went all submissive on her, and she had to “bring him back.” Doesn’t this show from his POV that it was all more of his manipulative, lying b.s.? Plus there’s the disingenuous “bafflement” about why Ana would be upset when all Christian does is freak out over which OtherPenis she might be in proximity to.
Seriously, I don’t even buy his love for mac & cheese, much less his love for Anastasia Steele.
Again, the whole reluctance thing. She wants to be a good girl and not jump into marriage, but he’s DESPERATE and CRYING so she has no CHOICE I FUCKING HATE THESE BOOKS.
Okay so…if I remember correctly, in the original version of this scene Ana interprets his dramatic kneeling whatever as like, some sort of involuntary trauma response, which is part of why she doesn’t leave right now. (Incidentally Christian’s insistence on conflating “leaving his presence” with “leaving him” is, like, terrifying, but anyway.) So to see it described from Christian’s point of view as something he does intentionally to keep her here is, uh, incredibly disturbing?
Right?? I mean maybe that was the intention here to have it come across like it was an involuntary response but…it didn’t. It came across very much as “What can I do to make her stay?!?!??!?!” and not something that was entirely out of his control. Also, either way it just shows they should not be getting married right now? That’s not the solution to this!
“I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore— my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.”
WHAT
Yeah, that’s the part where my brain just quit reading and retreated into my lungs for some quiet time.
Do you think that EL James somehow mixed up her reference pamphlet on BDSM with a pamphlet on mental health disorders and domestic abuse? It would explain so much.
It all makes sense now!!! In the first book, his question to Ana of “Do you like cheese?” was a carefully calculated assessment of their compatibility!! If she had just said she didn’t like cheese he would have been like “Oh, well, then we can never be together.” Obviously.