[Editor’s note: Sorry, y’all. I thought I’d scheduled this, and apparently WordPress didn’t save my changes…]
Previously, Mia filmed a riveting segment of tourist activities around New York. She managed to stumble onto loads of people with contrived stories to tell. Also, Calendar never misses a chance to remind us how much it loves America!
Calendar Girl (November) Chapter 7:
Mia and Wes are greeted by Mia’s niece when they arrive at Max’s ranch.
“Auntie Mia!” she squealed. Hearing her call me auntie officially, knowing that she shared the blood running through my veins, was one of the most powerful moments I’d had in years.
I can’t quite put my finger on why I find this paragraph so strange. I think it’s the intensity of it all and the obsession this book places on blood relations. I’m not trying to diminish the importance of family, it’s just “she shared the blood running through my veins” is such an over-the-top way to express saying hi to your niece.
“You got it, love. I’ll be the princess. Hey, are you ready to meet Uncle Wes?” Her eyes widened. “I have an Uncle Wes?” Her words were tinged with shocked excitement, befitting her four, almost five, years of age. I shifted her weight onto one hip. “You do.”
No you don’t have an uncle Wes because they’re not married yet? And I feel like Calendar Girl is trying really hard to make this Wes-is-already-part-of-the-family thing happen.
I’ll spare you the rest of the saccharine conversation with Mia’s niece, and skip straight to Wes kissing Max’s ass a few minutes later:
Mia was damn near sick about you being missing. I’ll bet you’re glad to be back in the States and with our girl.”
I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t have seen it with my own eyes, but Wes’s cheeks pinked up. He shook his head, shuffled his feet, and nodded. I also noted that he did not ream Max for saying “our girl” like he did when Anton had said it. Interesting.
Yes it’s so…interesting…that your boyfriend doesn’t get possessive when your brother refers to you as his, but men who hired you during your time as an escort…oh wait. Okay putting aside the fact that technically Max hired her, it does not seem all that shocking that Wes would express no jealousy in this situation.
Max takes this opportunity to tell Wes he’s happy he’s home safe and sound and to praise America.
“So good to be back. All I thought about was this beautiful woman and making her mine.” He looped an arm around my waist and crushed me to his side. Max’s eyes went soft, crinkling at the edges.
What a glib way to talk about being rescued from a horrific kidnapping experience!
“Sometimes a man has to fight his way through hell to know how good he has it. I reckon you learned that the hard way, and I’m damn sorry ’bout that, but happy you’re back in the land of the free and home of the brave…”
Is America sponsoring Calendar Girl? Can an entire country be product placement?
Wes and Max quietly have a conversation about how much land Max owns and how he should keep it in the family.
“Houses will need some work, some serious elbow grease,” [Max] said randomly.
I was totally starting to lose the conversation and moved ahead of the guys talking houses and land. Boring.
I mean true, but PAY ATTENTION, MIA! Wes is obviously making a huge life decision without you again.
Mia goes to meet her new nephew and has a chat with her sister-in-law. It’s all very cloying. At this point, it’s clear that the book doesn’t really have many problems for its characters to solve, so we just read conversations about how Mia is going to ask Max to walk her down the aisle if her father is still in a coma (I totally forgot about him) and then she thinks about how she wants to have a baby with Wes. I have no idea how we still have another book left in this series. What boring hell does December have in store for us?
Or conversations like the one Mia has with Wes later about Maddy:
Wes nodded. “That’s good. It’s probably nice to know that you don’t have to take care of everything for her anymore.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. You’d think that, but I’ve spent my life taking care of her. Making sure everything was as perfect as I could make it. It was kind of my purpose. Now, she’s killing it in school, close to getting her bachelor’s. Max has already already paid off the next few years of schooling so that she can get her master’s and doctorate. The Rains pay for her and Matt’s apartment so they don’t have to work and can focus on school. And now that she has money, again because Max made sure of it, she doesn’t need me for anything.”
The story has just become, “Rich people think about things and their problems are solved with money. And love? And by being in America.”
Mia and Wes then talk about wanting to have a baby together.
“Me either. Well, not seriously. When I thought about life during my captivity, I kept imagining you swollen with my child…”
If my husband ever said those words to me I would throw up and kick him out of the house instantly.
This sexy conversation of course leads to passionate lovemaking in the forest. You know what, that’s actually fantastic. That’s what the readers are actually here for.
“And you’re tasty. Now lean back and enjoy.” He spread my labia with both thumbs, licking me from the entrance to the tip of my slut button.
Give the people what they want! Increasingly bizarre and slut-shamey ways of referring to your clit!