Previously, Erin’s dad had bad news, but it was a clever trick, because he actually had good news. This year’s Goosebumps status: Goosebumps as fuck.
Also previously, Erin’s dad is working on the new Shocker on Shock Street theme park, and he wants Erin and her best frenemy to go on a private test tour all by themselves! Not even Erin’s mom can come! Real bummer for Erin’s mom. Things get off to a great start when their tour guide accidentally shoots herself with a freeze gun.
Chapter 6
“Dad—she’s—she’s frozen!” I cried. But when I turned back to Linda, she had a big smile on her face, too.
It took us both a while, but we soon realized the whole thing was a joke.
“That’s the first shock on the Shocker tour,” Linda announced, lowering the red blaster.
Marty pretends he wasn’t scared at all by (checks notes) “the first shock”, even though Erin claims “you nearly dropped your teeth!” Which sounds like a considerably scarier thing than anything that’s happened so far. Is this a real expression? What the shit?
Linda explains that she’s not coming with them; once they get in tram and get moving, they’re on their own. Is this really a whole park? Because this sounds more like… one ride… is that the second shock?
Dad tells them to enjoy the ride, Linda reminds them again to definitely, really, never ever get out of the tram, and they’re on their way to “the Haunted House of Horror”, which feels a little redundant. Marty continues to be a little shit.
“Why do we need this plastic gun? I hope the whole tour isn’t this babyish.”
“I hope you don’t complain all afternoon,” I told him, frowning. […]
As the tram turned a sharp corner, The Haunted House of Horror loomed darkly in front of us. […] The shutters all flew open at once, then banged shut again. Lights came on in the windows. Through the window shades, I could see the silhouettes of skeletons hanging, swinging slowly back and forth.
“That’s kind of cool,” Marty said. “But not too scary.” He raised his plastic gun and pretended to shoot at the skeletons. […]
[In the kitchen,] The oven door opened and closed by itself. The teapot on the stove started to whistle. Dishes on the shelves rattled. The cackling grew louder.
“This is pretty creepy,” I whispered.
“Ooh. Thrills and chills!” Marty replied sarcastically. He crossed his arms in front of him. “Bor-ring!”
They continue through the house and get to a room that goes pitch black, then Erin realizes Marty is gone!
Chapter 7
Somehow… because, you know, the lights are still off… so, that probably means… oh, god damn it-
I heard a soft laugh. Marty’s laugh.
“Hey—where are you? I can’t see you!” I cried.
“I can’t see you, either,” he replied. “But I didn’t move. I’m still sitting right next to you.”
Marty pushes the boundary of how stupid kids are when he is surprised by… darkness…
“This is cool!” Marty declared. “I’m waving my arms, but I can’t see a thing. You really can’t see me?”
They keep going through the haunted house – sorry, the haunted house of horror – which turns into a roller-coaster in total darkness, which finally appeases Marty (although it’s unclear if the part he likes is the roller-coaster or the sensation of it being dark). The tram escapes the haunted house and comes to a stop in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by bushes. Obviously, monsters start climbing out of the bushes… AND THEN INTO THE TRAM! AAAAAAAAAA
Chapter 8
Because all of the shocks in Shock Street are ultimately “just kidding”s, the monsters ask Erin and Marty if they would like autographs. To be fair, this is genuinely hilarious. Ten out of ten Goosebumps.
“Frog—can I have your autograph?” I asked.
“Grrrbbit. Grrbit.”
Somehow, Marty is disappointed by this wonderful development. Erin speculates that the plot is thickening.
Marty made a disgusted face. “It’s just a bunch of actors in costumes,” he sneered. “It’s for babies.” […]
“But—but—they looked so real,” I stammered. “It didn’t look as if they were wearing costumes—did it? […] I didn’t see any buttons or zippers, or anything!”
Chapter 9
The next stop is The Cave of The Living Creeps. Marty teases Erin about how there are probably bats in the cave. Erin ruthlessly writes for a whole page about how much she hates bats.
I know, I know. Bats […] aren’t dangerous. Bats eat mosquitoes and other insects. […] But I don’t care.
Bats are ugly and creepy and disgusting. And I hate them.
Honestly, considering what I’m writing right now, I can’t fault Erin for this.
Then it gets spooky again.
I uttered a groan as I felt something cold and slimy drop onto the back of my neck.
I jerked away and turned sharply to Marty. “Cut it out!” I snapped. “Get your cold hands off me!”
“Who—me?”
He wasn’t touching me. Both of his hands gripped the front of the car.
Then what was on the back of my neck?
They find out it’s a giant worm. I’m more concerned about how Erin mixed up a worm for a human hand than I am about the giant worm. Marty pokes it and starts screaming. Sorry you have to write about worms, Ariel.
