This past weekend I got a last-minute (read: ten minutes to pack) invitation to go on a friend’s family’s weekend trip to South Haven, Michigan. This means that I got to enjoy my fun summer reading at the beach!
Although it was still Fifty Shades of Grey, so “fun” may not be the right word.
Christian Grey wakes Ana up from her nap because they’re going to go have dinner with his parents, and Ana sums up the nervousness and excitement of meeting a significant other’s parents rather eloquently:
Holy cow, I am meeting his folks!
Honestly, what excites me the most about this is, after all of Ana’s holy craps and double craps and single craps, we’ve now got a holy cow. I’d like to think that somehow there’s a bovine-themed z-axis on the crap scale now, but I’ll be damned if I’m ever going to understand it ever again.
Ana is less enthusiastic about this, however, spending an entire page thinking about her missing panties, and, guys, I gotta be honest with you, I really couldn’t give a shit, but she more or less goes through the five goddamn stages of grief here, so apparently the saga of the panties is pretty important, and therefore it’s my duty to break it down for you.
- Denial – I steal into the bathroom, bewildered by my lack of underwear.
- Anger – Then I remember – he squirreled them away in the pocket of his jeans. I flush at the memory, after he… I can’t even bring myself to think about it, he was so – barbarous. I frown. Why hasn’t he given me back my panties?
- Bargaining – Resolving there and then not to ask him for them and not give him that satisfaction, I shall go meet his parents sans culottes.
- Depression – What was I thinking? I’m going to see his parents, and I’m not wearing any underwear. […] Now, I’m almost outside with no panties!
Unfortunately, Ana doesn’t get her panties back until the next chapter, so no acceptance yet. Yes, the subplot of who has Ana’s panties is a tale that could not be told in one chapter.
But let’s get back to where we were: inside Christian Grey’s apartment, where Frank Sinatra is playing.
“I never figured you for a Sinatra fan.”
He raises his eyebrows at me, his look speculative.
“Eclectic taste, Miss Steele,” he murmurs
What the fuck is eclectic about Frank Sinatra? I mean, were Ana to walk into the room to find Christian Grey listening to dubstep, maybe I could give him some eclecticism. But Frank Sinatra? Seriously?
Oh, the many faces of Christian Grey. Will I ever be able to understand this mercurial man?
They drive over to meet the family, talking about dancing and Christian’s former dominant (Ariel had a really good serious take on this scene yesterday, in case you missed it), and now we are at CHRISTIAN GREY’S PARENTS’ HOUSE, GUYS. Super crazy things happen here, such as people hugging Ana!
- [Christian’s sister] hugs me hard. Holy cow. I can’t help but smile at her boundless enthusiasm.
- Elliot grasps me in an all-embracing hug. What is this, Hug Ana Week?
Except, um, that’s it. Apparently two hugs within a five minute period is enough to constitute an entire week dedicated to hugs, which I need to keep in mind in the future: next two people who hug me initiate Hug Matthew Week! I’ll even make t-shirts!
So they all have some light chit-chat, and we learn that Kate (who is there too! WHOA!) will be accompanied by Elliot on her vacation to Barbados! They ask Ana if she’s going on any trips now that she’s graduated, and she mentions that she may be going to Georgia, and Christian freaks the hell out. This is probably supposed to show how controlling he is, but, honestly, I’d be pretty annoyed with Ana too if I had to deal with her terrible planning abilities.
“When were you thinking of going?”
“Tomorrow, late evening.”
So she’s only just thinking that she’s maybe going to drive from Seattle to Georgia tomorrow night. Maybe.
But this chapter isn’t just going to settle for logistical nonsense, time to point out some grammar errors!
“Where did you meet, Ana?” Mia asks him.
Well, that comma clearly indicates that she’s addressing Ana, but the narration says she’s asking Christian! WHAT A MESS! Fortunately, the rest of dinner happens without any more grammatical errors, and it’s all pretty boring. People talk about Ana, Christian slides his hand up her dress under the table, one of the female members of the Grey’s staff keeps checking out Christian and blushing, and Ana is confused by all of this. Also, Christian’s sister Mia behaves like a real person:
Over our dessert of lemon syllabub, Mia regales us with her exploits in Paris, lapsing at one point into fluent French. We all stare at her, and she stares back puzzled, until Christian tells her in equally fluent French what she’s done, whereupon she bursts into a fit of giggles.
Man, I hate when I’m talking about Game of Thrones and I accidentally slip into Dothraki.
This whole dinner conversation is also really weird because it seems like really awkward things keep happening, like Christian getting mad at Ana for not telling him she was considering going out of town, Kate telling Christian that Ana and Jose went to a bar together. And then the chapter ends with Christian excusing himself and taking Ana with him to “spank and then fuck you”.