Another Character We Hate Gets Beaten Up, YAY! : Hush, Hush Chapters 16-19

What I hate most about Hush, Hush is that it’s so boring sometimes that it’s hard to make fun of. Not awful, not amazing, just boring. Come on, Fitzpatrick, be more like James. Give me a scene where Patch rips Nora’s tampon out of her vag, and then I’ll have something great to work with.

Chapter 16

Summary 

Vee and Nora have a pointless exchange about whether or not it was really Elliot that broke into Nora’s house, and then Vee refuses to go to the library with Nora.

Nora decides it’s time to do some sleuthing about Elliot’s past in Portland itself. Nora calls her mom to ask if it’s cool if she takes a bus to Portland and comes home late, ’cause she’s got an interview to conduct with the students there and all. It’s for research. 1) If I were a parent, my first question would be wtf is this project and does it include getting wasted with kids in Portland ’cause that’s definitely what it sounds like, asshole. 2) Nora’s mom points this out, but seriously, the students won’t actually be at the school at this time of night even though that’s where Nora claims to be going. Not to specifically meet any of them, just to go to the school to interview them. What an idiot.

Nora’s mom says she’s stuck at the office and asks Nora to walk home. After everything that happens, we already know Nora + Alone Time = Bad Shit

Marcie and Nora have a dumb argument and call each other mean names. Like “anorexic pig”. Okay. I was kind of hoping for a hilarious girl fight, but the security guard is all, “You kids move along now. Go on, get!” [Not actual dialogue from this book.]

So Nora, being a total fucking moron, decides to go a different way out of the building…through a garage. For someone who has been attacked, had her house broken into, and whose best friend was just attacked by someone looking for her, Nora sure doesn’t act sensible.

Of, course, true to form, Patch shows up. Nora starts demanding answers, but Patch doesn’t really have any. Well, this one’s sort of interesting:

“What happened on the Archangel? Did you save me?” I asked.

“If I’d saved you, we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.”

“You mean if you hadn’t saved me we wouldn’t be here. I’d be dead.”

“That’s not what I said.”

I had no idea what he meant. “Why wouldn’t we be standing here?”

“You’d still be here.” He paused. “I probably wouldn’t.”

Interesting, but when did Nora suddenly get confident enough about that incident to bring it up to Patch, let alone bring it up without any preface.

Nothing about the rest of their conversation makes any sense. One second, Nora is trying to demand answers from Patch (which he refuses to give) and the next she’s confessing how she just had a fight with Marcie Millar. Then Patch tries to convince Nora he can teach her how to fight. She claims to know how to box, so Patch tells her to punch him.

“We’re all alone down here…A guy like me could take advantage of a girl like you. Better show me what you got.”

LOLRAPEJOKELOLOL. No. At least if he takes advantage of her, her magic vaginal secretions will make sure no babies are made in the process! Science.

Despite this, Nora lets Patch give her a ride home on his motorcycle. Even though a second ago she was asking him questions which highlighted her suspicion of him. Questions he never actually fucking answered. Seriously, we are over 200 pages into this shit, and we don’t have a clue where fallen angels even come into play. At least with Twilight you knew after like ten minutes it was fucking vampires.

This chapter ends with Patch asking Nora out. She says no, and he’s like,”Lol. Pick you up at five.” I guess because the chapter ends there it means that Nora’s vagina was convinced by Patch’s unwavering masculinity to go on a date with him even though he is still kind of rapey and weird.

Notes ‘n’ Quotes

I was caught in a fierce game of tug-of-war. I’d been idiotic to walk home in the first place, and now I was stuck between two bad decisions: ride with Patch, or risk the chance there was someone worse out there.

Hayyyy

Chapter 17

Summary 

So now that none of her questions have been answered, and Patch has not been cleared of really any of the things he may be responsible for, Nora is ready to get back what’s really important: kissing.

Our last kiss got cut short. Sooner or later, the kiss would need resolving. I had no doubt I wanted resolution, I just wasn’t sure I was ready for it tonight.

The issue of kissing has been way more prominently featured than anything about, you know, fallen angels, which is what this book is supposed to be about. Not even any real clues except for the shitty foreshadowing of the ride the Archangel, and Patch calling Nora “Angel” sometimes.

There’s a knock at the door, but it’s not Patch, instead it’s two incredibly absurd detectives who come off so aggressively and so creepily that I can’t help but laugh. Also, as usual, Nora acts like a total fucking idiot. I really wish I could quote the whole thing for you, but the gist is that the cops immediately start demanding to know about Nora’s fight with Marcie, so Nora obviously is like, “Wait, is she okay?” The detectives jump on the fact that she asks this question like it isn’t what anyone would ask if cops showed up at your house fucking asking about a person.

So they keep questioning her, and this happens:

“Did you follow Marcie?”

“No. Like I said, I came home. Are you going to tell me what happened to Marcie?”

“Can anyone vouch for that?” Detective Basso asked.

“My biology partner. He saw me at the library and offered me a ride.”

…”Let’s hear about hat biology partner.”

“What kind of question is that?”

…”It’s a pretty basic question. But if you want me to get more specific, I can. When I was in high school, I only offered rides to girls I was interested in. Let’s carry that a step further. What’s your relationship with your bio partner…outside the classroom?”

“You’re joking right?”

…”That’s what I thought. Did you have your boyfriend beat up Marcie Millar?”

What the fuck is any of this? And what the fuck is up with all the adults in this book obsessing over Nora’s relationship with Patch…her bio partner. I wish the detectives from Law and Order: SVU would come into this book and beat the shit out of these poorly written, over-the-top detectives.

The idiot detectives leave after resolving nothing. Patch shows up, and he and Nora go back to Bo’s Arcade because I guess the budget for this book couldn’t afford another location. That, or Fitzpatrick is really proud of this seedy underbelly she’s created.

They play pool and flirt, when this guy Rixon shows up who appears to be friends with Patch. Plot devicely enough, the boys start wrestling (yeah…), and Patch’s shirt rips, revealing two thick gashes on his back. “They started near his kidneys and ended at his shoulder blades, widening to form an upside down V.” OMG ANGEL WINGS USED  TO BE THERE?!?!!??!?!

Also Rixon is Irish. The more you know. Not really sure what he’s doing at Bo’s Arcade, but whatever.

As quickly as he appears, Rixon is gone, left behind as Patch and Nora head off to an undetermined location.

Notes ‘n’ Quotes

That got me thinking more about my almost-kiss with Patch, and I got an involuntary boner rush of heat. If an almost-kiss could do that, I wondered what a full-on kiss could do.

Jizz your pants perhaps? Only time will tell, Nora.

Typically I hung around people I trusted…typically.

…so Vee? Elliot? Jules? Yeah…

Chapter 18

Summary 

Nora reminds us she didn’t tell her mother where she was going, as though we forgot. Come on, give us a little credit as readers, Nora. And Fitzpatrick.

They stop for food, but Patch goes inside without Nora. This gives her the perfect opportunity to start snooping around his car, even though she only hangs out with people she trusts! In his glove compartment, she finds a flashlight with blood on it.

When Patch comes back, Nora confronts him, and he says it’s not blood but paint from a paintball gun. What a wacky misunderstanding! Man, these two better make up soon, so they can get with the kissing!

Patch doesn’t seem too pissed that Nora accused him of beating up Marcie. He drives her home, and doesn’t call her a bitch or anything.

Sadly, Patch doesn’t make a move when he drops Nora off. He does give her a present, though. A snow globe with a mini Delphic Seaport. Awww. If only it was a snow globe with Bo’s Arcade inside.

Nora starts to ask about what happened on the Archangel, but her mom walks outside and over to the car.

Patch gets grilled by Nora’s mom, she invites him in for ice-cream and he declines. Nora tells us she totes has feelings for Patch. Chapter over.

Notes ‘n’ Quotes 

“Are you on the school swim team, or is it a city league?”

“More…recreational,” said Patch, passing me a questioning glance.

“Well recreational is good too,” Mom said. “Where do you swim? The rec center?”

“I’m more of an outdoor guy. Rives and lakes.”

“Isn’t that cold?” asked Mom.

At my side, Patch jerked.

I think she means flinched. I feel like a jerk would be a really bizarre and noticeable reaction. Whoops.

Chapter 19

Summary

The chapter opens with Nora wondering if there is a hidden camera inside the snow globe. I’m just going to start counting how many times Nora is a moron in this chapter. So far once, and we’re one paragraph in!

Then she calls Vee. That’s pretty dumb, so that’s two!

Nora starts telling Vee about Patch’s scars. Obviously, Vee immediately jumps to the conclusion that they got naked together. Man, it’s a good thing I’m only counting how many times Nora is an idiot and not Vee as well, that shit would get too cray!

Then somehow, after all this time, Nora starts piecing together the fact that Patch might be a fallen angel. I get that she’s right, but seriously, look at this:

I recaptured the creepy and bizarre paintings on the side of the cars. I remembered the horned beasts ripping the wings off the angel. I remembered the black upside-down V where the angel’s wings used to be.

I almost dropped the phone.

Oh, please.

“Was he an angel?” Vee asked.

I snapped to myself. “What?

“Was he an angel, or did he live up to his bad-boy image?”

Seriously? Come the come on.

Apparently, all it takes to answer the questions of this book is a quick google search about fallen angels on a vintage IBM. The article she finds even mentions Cheshvan, which came up in the prologue. It’s the only month that a fallen angel can take over a human body.

So of course Nora is like OMG WHAT IF HE IS A FALLEN ANGEL? And then the article also mentions Nephilim, offspring of fallen angels and humans, and Nephilim are evil. I’m counting all of this as Nora being an idiot part three in this chapter.

Part four comes into play when she asks Vee if she believes in superheroes, then if she goes to church, then if she believes the bible. What on earth do superheroes have to do with anything?

Wait, the chapter is over after this weird phone call where nothing is resolved and Vee talks about some hot pastor. So the plot is supposedly moving forward…and yet it’s not…

Gosh, I have to go to bed! Just like Nora did at the end of this chapter. Awww, twinsies!

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  1. Turtle Reply

    The superhero comment probably comes from the fact that Twilight had the same super hero comment in its crappy book. And this Hush Hush does seem to mirror Twilight in a lot of stupid ways.

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