Every Rose Has Its Porn: Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 8

Look guys! Matt and I are real friends! We actually like go to bars together and stuff and take pics on Instagram! I was just worried you guys thought maybe we really hated each other in real life like Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall supposedly did. Man, I was devastated when I heard the Sex and the City ladies weren’t all biffles. Fear not, readers, our friendship is real and it’s happening.

Chapter 8

When we last left off, Christian took it upon himself to make sure Leila wasn’t hiding in Ana’s apartment, waiting to attack. It was sort of a cliffhanger, I guess, but it’s literally resolved on the second page when Christian returns and is completely fine. Damn it.

Also, just kidding, they’re not at Ana’s, they’re at Christian’s, she had her car parked there. I feel like I’ve let you all down with this fuck-up of epic proportions. Man, how can you ever trust what I’m saying about this book ever again!

Christian puts Ana to bed (yes, yes you did read that right, and yes, I correctly ascertained that information), and she wakes up hours later to find she’s still alone. At first she thinks she sees someone by the bed, but she turns on the lights, and no one’s there She finds Christian in his study yelling at Evil Cougar on the phone to leave Ana alone.

After hanging up, Christian gets all dramatic and tells Ana he’s afraid something bad is going to happen to her. And then this happens:

I reach up and stroke his face, running my fingers through the stubble on his cheek. It’s unexpectedly soft. “Your beard grows quickly,” I whisper, unable to hide the wonder in my voice at this beautiful, fucked-up man who stands before me.

So much wonder. I know when I tell a man his beard grows quickly, it’s always always always with wonder, without exception.

Ana’s wonder over Christian’s beard growing skills almost leads to sex. But then Christian notices the balcony door is open, and Ana mentions how she thought someone was in her room when she woke up. Christian calls the security team/Taylor back and tells them what’s going on. He thinks that because Leila knows the apartment so well, she’s been hiding inside somewhere all along.

When designing your future home, make sure not to have too many secret hiding places where your psychotic exes could be hiding!

Christian and Ana start to have another heart to heart in the car on the way to a hotel. Ana asks why Christian said if Dr. Flynn told her everything Christian said in therapy she’d go running for the hills. Christian’s like, “I’m so depraved blah blah you’d run.”

Ana says she won’t, and Christian is an asshole and says Ana already did. I guess he has a point, she saw a little bit of how “depraved” he can get and it upset her. But it kind of seems like there’s a difference between explaining your reasons for wanting to spank someone and actually doing it so hard they’re in incredible pain. Just sayin’.

During one of her conversations with Cougar, Cougar revealed that Christian went to her after Ana left him. But it turns out she’s lying, ’cause Christian says that ain’t true. Oh snap.

Like I said, every rose has it’s porn. Sex happens. Afterwards, James and Ana try to remind us that it’s not just all about sex. There’s also a journey:

He’s come a long way, as have I, in such a short time. It’s almost too much to absorb. With all the fucked-up stuff, I am losing sight of his simple, honest journey with me.

Ew.

Even grosser, the gynecologist that Christian called for Ana is still coming. Dr. Greene and Ana talk about birth control, and because apparently Ana isn’t good at taking the pill, she’s going to get a shot instead. It’s a really boring unnecessary scene, but I guess it serves to highlight Ana doesn’t want an unplanned pregnancy? Because most people do and this is news? Okay, book.

They shower together and Ana ends up crying and going on and on about how he’s worthy of love, and then she’s like, “You love me,” and he’s like, “Yeah, I do.”

I am really sorry this post is so brief, but I am pretty overwhelmed this weekend! Sorority recruitment just has a way of eating your life.

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  1. Irish Skye Reply

    Ana’s wonder over Christian’s beard growing skills are not so out of place, I guess, since they were JUST at a party last freaking night and one would presume he was clean-shaven for it since it’s a charity ball at his folks’ place, right? Idk. Why the hell do these books get to me so much when I am not even reading them?

    Ariel, I hope that you guys made the pledges do dramatic readings of this drivel. I wonder if they could remain as straightfaced as Matt was when he did the reading. 🙂

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