S**t’s Getting Real, Y’all: Bared to You Chapter 12

There wasn’t a cliffhanger or anything last chapter. At the moment, thinks are cool between are protagonists! Fun side note: I kept mistyping the tags for these posts with the Fifty Shades characters. Oops!

Chapter 12

Sex in the shower is immediately had, which is a fine way to start the day. Eva reminds us that Gideon’s package is “magnificent,” so it’s clearly a pretty scorching read.

Just kidding, Day usually writes decent sex scenes, but she mostly skips over this one except to gross me out:

His raw, raspy instructions echoed in my mind the entire time I dressed for work, which I did quickly—before he had a chance to finish his shower and fuck the hell out of me as he’d threatened to just before spurting fiercely down my throat.

Spurting fiercely down my throat. That sounds…painful and absolutely unappealing. So things can only get better right? I mean, now they’re having breakfast, which is going to be delightful to read about!

He faced me. “I want to take you out to dinner tonight, and then take you home to my bed.”

Seriously? Who says that? I feel like even just saying, “and then take you home,” would be enough. Like we get it. It’d be hilarious if Gideon described everything this way. “I want to take the bread out of the bag, and then put it in the toaster, and toast it, so it’s toast.”

Eva starts making excuses, not wanting to be around Gideon so much that he gets sick of her. He stops her and says this:

“Eva.” He sighed, the hard tension leaving him with that frustrated exhalation. “You have to trust me. I’m trusting you. I’ve had to or we wouldn’t be here now.”

Footage not found. When did Gideon trust Eva? I’m so confused. I feel like I missed reading a huge chunk of the book, but no.

Trust comes into play when Eva sees the latest gossip about herself and Gideon in the news. Now there’s speculation that she’s with Cary, and then at Gideon’s business dinner there are pictures of him smiling fondly at that bitch Magdalena while he has his hand on her forearm! How dastardly! Don’t worry, Eva realizes that nothing is actually going on, but it still annoys her.

I don’t blame Eva for feeling uncomfortable, though, that woman was a huge, unnecessary bitch to her, and if my boyfriend was being all cozy and friendly with a woman who was nasty to me, you better believe I would feel sad and uncomfortable! He’s gotta have your back. (Boyfriend, if you read this, take note. Ha! Who am I kidding. He won’t read this.)

Gideon writes Eva a note using interoffice mail and asks her to lunch, but she declines. She’s still annoyed he didn’t mention Magdalena and legitimately has lunch plans with her boss and his boyfriend. So you’d think that Gideon, like Christian Grey, would accept this with grace, right?

Nope. Security calls up to Gideon when Eva is about to leave the building–with her boss, mind you–but she’s like, “Let’s just go,” until Gideon comes up behind them and shouts her name. Then Gideon is all, “I’ll see she gets to lunch with you.”

I’m sorry, but he’s doing this in front of her boss? I get that he’s the real boss and all, but this is highly unprofessional and unromantic! There is nothing redeeming about this scene.

In his limo, Gideon starts freaking out about the pictures of her and Cary, claiming he knows love when he sees it. Ug.

Eva gets out of the car once she reaches her destination and storms off. Obviously, Gideon follows her, and they have a big dramatic confrontation in public, and Eva is like, “I saw the look on your face when you talked to that mean lady too!”

“Angel . . .” His lips moved ardently over my face. “That look was for you. Maggie caught me outside and I told her I was heading home to you. I can’t help how I look when I’m thinking about us being alone together.”

Over in Fifty Shades, Ana just talked about Christian shaving her pubic hair. I’m genuinely unsure which scene grossed me out more–this one or that one. I’ve re-read that line above like thirty times now, and it just gets pukier and pukier.

Then they make out, and Eva makes a point to tell us tongue was involved. I’m serious. “.Our tongues stroked and dipped, the kiss wildly passionate. ” Get a room. Not a hotel room, because then you might just fight more, but a room.

Gideon leaves, promising to see Eva after work (and they’re going to talk about Eva’s past). Eva’s boss and his boyfriend were watching the whole time, and are like, “OMG! It’s like a chick flick!” And basically her boss Mark admits he hasn’t fired her because the love drama is really fun to talk about. I mean, he says she’s a great employee, but I think he really does just want to have more interesting things to tell his boo about after work.

After work, Eva and Gideon go to his place, and Eva drags out the process of telling Gideon even longer. I wish it was just like, “After a shower, we sat down to discuss.” Instead, Eva goes so far as to talk about how Gideon’s pants fit. For those of you who have been with us for awhile or have read my Fifty Shades posts, you might recall how many times Ana has told us about Christian’s pants hanging off his hips. I still don’t understand why this is so sexy, but apparently it’s a commonly known piece of sexiness in all of these books. “He’d changed into black silk pajama bottoms that hung low around his hips.” I mean, I guess it would be particularly unsexy if he wore them up around his waist like Urkel, but why is this sexy?

So finally Eva tells us what happened. Apparently, her debutante mother got pregnant with her when she wasn’t married and got herself disowned. But then she landed herself a millionaire, and the millionaire’s son (two years older than Eva) started raping her when she was ten. This is obviously a terrible, awful admission, but Gideon actually breaks the glass he’s holding, and I roll my eyes. How does the book manage to take something that is actually dramatic and upsetting and make it ridiculous and annoying? Probably because we get that Gideon would react strongly, and this just seems like we’re supposed to be reminded of how masculine and primal Gideon is even though this scene is supposed to be about Eva and her pain. Don’t be an ass Gideon, just listen!

It gets really really horrifying. Nathan, the stepbrother, kept Eva too scared to tell her mother. When he realized she was about to break, he snapped her cat’s neck and left it in her bed. Who the fuck allowed this child to watch The Godfather at such a young age?

God, I’m sorry I made a joke (kind of), because then at 14, Eva has a miscarriage, and at the hospital, they figure out she’s being abused. This is all awful. And Eva is worried that this will come out even though the records have been sealed and embarrass Gideon. Oh, Eva. I want to hug you.

Luckily, Gideon is like, “Um, yeah, embarrassment is not what I’d feel if that came out.” And seriously. It’s a shame we live in a society that would shame someone who has been through something like that. That something like that would be an embarrassment for her. HUGS ALL AROUND!

Then Eva says she doesn’t see something in Gideon’s eyes (she doesn’t say what that something is, so I’m like uh, what?) and the chapter ends with her telling us she’s lost him, which, shut up book, I obviously know that’s a lie.