Ana’s Inner Goddess Continues to Disgust: Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 12

You guys!! I finally got to meet Matt’s parents this weekend, and they are the sweetest! I wonder what happened to Matt…JOKES! Matt is also the sweetest so it all makes sense. Funny story, though, it was a very tiny restaurant and yet I could not for the life of me figure out who Matt was pointing to. He was like, “No, seriously, it’s the people that look like me over there.” But someone was blocking my line of vision so I only saw the back of his sister’s head, and thought Matt was playing a trick on me because aside from his family there was an Asian family and a Middle Eastern family who all looked nothing like Matt! What a wacky misunderstanding!

Chapter 12

While I was doing work on my thesis, I had to read ahead. It’s so painful to re-read these chapters. I always go into this 99% certain it’s going to be boring and painful, but now going into it knowing 100% just makes it that much harder. That one percent makes a huge difference.

So anyway, last time we found out there’s some sort of connection between Jack Hyde and Christian and it has something to do with Detroit where Christian was born. One reader thinks they might be the same person, and I think that would make this way more interesting.

Ana, as usual, starts to ask questions, but the questions go nowhere.

“What does it say in his file?”

Christian blinks. Reaching down he strokes my cheek. “You really want to know?”

“Is it that bad?”

He shrugs. “I’ve known worse,” he whispers.

No! Is he referring to himself?

So then it becomes all about Ana whining about Christian’s past, and we don’t actually get to learn what his deal is! This is annoying. The one time I want something resolved in two seconds and it’s not!


Somehow it just turns into another dumb conversation where they declare their love and Ana’s like, “OMG I’ll love you no matter what you do to me! Even if you beat the shit out of me!” I may have added on that last bit, but that’s essentially what she says.

Then Christian starts whining about how Ana used their safe word last chapter when he was basically sexually abusing her by treating her like a submissive without her consent. It sucked. Ana explains she wasn’t comfortable with what was happening, and then Christian says he’s actually glad she used the safe word because he doesn’t want to hurt her. You know, except when he wants to beat the shit out of her.

They fall asleep, and Ana wakes up to Christian having a nightmare. So she wakes him up and they instantly start having sex. What is it with this series and Bared to YouWhy does everyone immediately have to fuck after having a nightmare?!

After a nightmare I am usually just so scared I want to hide under a blanket, not fuck. I would gladly be cuddled, sure, but immediately being like, “PUT IT IN ME NOW TO FIGHT THE NIGHTMARES!” Just would not occur.

Uh, oh, Ana’s left hanging again! What do you think her inner goddess feels like doing because she hasn’t gotten to have an orgasm yet?

Yes, her inner goddess is “preparing to disembowel herself.” Before that can happen, though, Christian lives up to his sex god status and makes Ana come. We can all rest easy now, folks.

Later that night, Ana finds Christian playing piano in the moonlight again. I have no idea why James’ feels the need to include this same scene like three times per book. Ug. Anyway, he admits his nightmare was about Ana being dead. I bet Christian would try to have sex with zombie Ana, the sick fuck.

So Ana thinks more about loving Christian, and then the next day they go to Aspen. Christian surprises Ana with all their friends! Yay friends!

Anyway, the friends all ask questions about Hyde, and we find out he had a rough childhood but got into Princeton, so he’s a smart cookie. He also might have an accomplice! Oh man, the anticipation is killing me. They all chat about nothing of great importance, but Ana does notice some tension between Kate and Elliot. Oh, god, I hope those two crazy kids are okay!

The chapter ends with the flight attendant coming in to offer them coffee. WHO WILL ACCEPT HER OFFER?!??!??! Find out next time. Fuck, I just gotta read on to find out.



  1. Bellomy Reply

    Wait, seriously, disembowel herself? I voted for that as a joke thinking it was the least likely possibility.

    Don’t worry Ariel, we won’t need to worry about sex with zombie Ana! Christian isn’t into necrophilia, remember? He’s totally normal! Hahahaha, I’m laughing partially to keep from crying!

    • Bellomy Reply

      I think it’s more that Ana has A friend (Kay) and Christian has a brother and a bunch of chicks who worship him and are jealous of Ana.

  2. AJ Reply

    “Anyway, he admits his nightmare was about Ana being dead. I bet Christian would try to have sex with zombie Ana, the sick fuck.”

    Oh goddammit, now that makes me think of Slayer’s “Necrophiliac”. I couldn’t even sit through that song because it was so graphic and misogynistic. Too bad Christian isn’t a necrophiliac or a mysophiliac, or else that would be his theme.

  3. Nopers00 Reply

    He shrugs. “I’ve known worse,” he whispers.

    No! Is he referring to himself?

    ~ I fucking loathe it with every fiber of my being when Ana reacts this way. Can you just imagine her yelling “No!” out loud every time some petty thing seems to be troubling poor, precious little crybaby Christian?

    For fuck’s sake, he’s being so nonchalant in this scene, how can she possibly think he’s serious about having known worse? Whatever the hell he’s talking about can’t possibly be as traumatic to him as it is to Ana, and she doesn’t even know what it is! Honestly, how many times in any one book alone has she had reactions like “No!” and “Oh no” and “Oh crap” to Christian merely looking less than perfectly happy?

    It would be one thing if she were afraid he was about to go off on her, but most of the time, we know this isn’t the case. No, she’s just THAT goddamned concerned about his feelings. I can’t think of a single person in the history of the world who was ever even half as concerned for a loved one’s feelings as Ana is, especially when, 99% of the time, she doesn’t even have a clue what’s eating him. All she knows is that he suddenly isn’t glowing with euphoria anymore.

    She even has a “crap” reaction when Christian seems to be contemplating the fact that their first child might be a girl, and she even has the gall to ask him if he has a preference for the baby’s sex. See? She’s more worried about what her asshole husband will think about their baby’s genitals than the baby itself. Well, fuck Christian with a cactus, because all that matters is what YOU want, because YOU’RE the one who has to carry and give birth to the damn kid.

    It should be your choice and yours alone what gender it’s going to be, and any man who disagrees obviously only views women as baby factories. If you’re not the one going through nine months of increasing difficulties and pains, followed by hours or possibly even days of excruciating labor, then you deserve no say in the resulting baby’s gender or name.

    It’s so sad that women the world over are brainwashed to consider themselves and their fellow women as selfish for wanting full naming rights of the baby that THEY and THEY alone literally labored to bring into the world. What’s REALLY selfish is fathers thinking they should have any say whatsoever in naming the baby THEY did NOTHING to create except have one night of fun, and most of the time, the baby already has the dad’s last name!

    Excluding middle names for simplicity’s sake, most fathers end up having more control of a baby’s name than the mother who went through so much to being it into the world. He picks the last name, and then insists on equal input in picking the baby’s first name, even if it’s a girl. That part MIGHT sound fair until you realize that the father was ultimately awarded 75% of the naming rights: full rights on the last name, and half rights on the first name. The person who literally did all the work creating the child only gets 25% of naming rights to her creation.

    It’s no different than one person giving another a few bucks to buy art supplies, and after long months of hard work, the artist has created a breathtaking masterpiece. Then the guy who “funded” it with literally just the spare change in his pocket swoops in, puts HIS name on the masterpiece so everyone thinks he’s the creator, and on top of that, he has the gall to argue with the actual creator over what to call the work of art. In the end, the poor artist can only choose a title that his benefactor agrees with.

    Tell me how that’s truly any different than what most mothers go through. Fathers are just so damn worried about their family names surviving that they don’t realize how selfish they’re really being. Family names mean nothing in this day and age of DNA and digital genealogy.


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