Happy Birthday Ana!: Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 18

Chapter 18

It’s okay if you forgot Ana’s dad was in the hospital, so did she! At least when she first wakes up.

“Shit! Daddy!” I gasp out loud, recalling with a gut-wrenching surge of apprehension that twists my heart and starts it pounding why I’m in Portland.

Such a needlessly complicated and confusing sentence! But my major question is how else would she gasp? In her heart? Or is she specifying that it’s not her inner goddess or subconscious doing the gasping?

Anyway, Christian’s already called the hospital, and Ray is still in good condition. More importantly, it’s also Ana’s birthday today!

Christian gives Ana a fancy charm bracelet. One of the charms is an ice-cream cone to symbolize vanilla. I can’t believe people actually think this book is about a BDSM relationship. It is literally about a woman supposedly curing a man of his desire for one. But sometimes they use handcuffs! Groundbreaking shit.

Hey guys, I don’t know if you remember, but in the first book when Ana and Christian were at this very same hotel, Ana used Christian’s toothbrush. And thought it was sexy. I certainly did not. So you know what would be awesome? If she did it again!

A memory springs unbidden to my mind. I used his toothbrush after I first spent the night with him. I smirk and grab his toothbrush in homage to that first time.


What about sharing food particles and plaque with your partner is sexy? Riddle me that, Steele. I don’t care if it’s your birthday, that shiz is nasty!

On the way out of the hotel, they make out in an elevator again.

He groans into my mouth and cups my head, cradling me as we kiss— really kiss, our tongues exploring the oh-so-familiar but still oh-so-new, oh-so- exciting territory that is the other’s mouth.

All I can still think about is that oh-so-nasty toothbrush scene that just occurred.

They head outside, and wouldn’t you know, Christian has another gift for Ana! YOU GET A CAR, GIRL!!!!!

Do people still remember when this was a thing?

Ana finds out that Christian is definitely making sure the drunk driver who caused the car accident is getting into huge trouble. We also find out Ana’s mom hasn’t called her on her birthday or to check in about Ray’s condition. So this is obviously like the time they said Steve Carell wouldn’t be on The Office series finale and we were all like, “Okay suuuure, winky blinky.” So basically Ana’s mom is in the vicinity.

There’s a really boring conversation between Ana and Christian about how there are so many shades to his personality! Like fifty even! And Ana just loves them all, in case you were wondering.

Later that night, Christian surprises Ana with all her friends! And of course, you guessed it, her mom.

The chapter is really long, but it’s mostly comprised of random scenes of Ana loving Christian, her friends and family.

Her mom tells her she and Christian seems happy, and Ana’s response is,

“We are, I think. Getting there, anyway. I love him. He’s the center of my world. The sun rises and sets with him for me, too.”

It’s so depressing that Ana can’t even say with confidence that they’re happy.

Ray comes out of a coma. I know I whine about things getting resolved too quickly, but in this case I’m happy because I was tired of Ana thinking the same, Oh, Daddy! thoughts over and over.






  1. E.H.Taylor Post authorReply

    You know it’s getting to be too late at night when instead of Happy Birthday Ana! you read Happy Birthday Anal… Although with this book I wouldn’t be surprised.

    I also really wish Ana would stop using Christian’s toothbrush. That’s just so many shades of wrong.

    • Bellomy Reply

      50 shades of wrong exactly, in fact. Go ahead, count them out. I’ll wait.

      In fact, I’ll start:

      1) This was originally done in “Friends”, between Joey and Chandler. As a joke.
      2) Concerned that it was only joke because they weren’t a married couple? Got you covered. “How I Met Your Mother” reprised the joke with Marshall and Lily. Which leads us to…
      3) With two different shows spanning two different decades already having had characters share toothbrushes, it has become cliched.

      Go ahead and try it! It’s fun! See if we can reach fifty.

  2. Bellomy Reply

    “I gasp out loud, recalling with a gut-wrenching surge of apprehension that twists my heart and starts it pounding why I’m in Portland.”

    Wow. The grammar in this sentence has been tortured so much that it’s actually really heartbreaking. It doesn’t deserve this. Are we to assume that her heart beat, instead of sounding like the reassuring “tha-thunk” of the normal, healthy heart, has instead started bizarrely broadcasting the message “Why I’m in Portland”? Does it actually sound like a human voice speaking English? Or is it perhaps Morse Code, in which case I’m quite impressed, and skeptical, that Ana could understand it.

    Either way, with her heart sounding like that it’s probably all for the best that she’s at a hospital anyway. Perhaps her grammar can recover here too.

  3. bookbaron Reply

    Two major things in this chapter bothered me. The charm bracelet and how Ray woke up.

    First off, I don’t know if it’s just me, but the charm bracelet is such a cheesey gift I just can’t believe Grey picked it out himself. I don’t have a boyfriend myself but I do have a father who gave my mother a blender for mother’s day thinking she’d be thrilled (my mom hates cooking). And I have a brother in law that calls me up frantic every time my sister’s birthday or their wedding anniversary comes up because he needs help thinking up present ideas. His idea of a present would be the most expensive laptop he can find (whether or not she needs a laptop or not). My brother in law is not a millionaire but I would expect Grey to be much of the same way. Buying her the biggest most expensive present he could find. Which I guess would be that car that he got her. But still… I feel like Grey worked with Ana’s mom for the bracelet idea. And that in itself is rather creepy.

    Also, Ray woke up when sport scores were being read out to him. This leads me to believe that the only thing that is keeping Ray alive is football season… And the stereotypes are killing me.

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