Bad Sandwiches, Good Times: The Potato Chip Sandwich

Ariel’s been enjoying her “Bad Romance Advice, Good Times” feature, and I’ve been thinking, “Gee, there has to be some horrible type of articles people write on the internet that I, too, can bring to our blog readers and mock mercilessly.” And then I was hanging out with a friend and we discovered the sandwiches category of WikiHow.

I’m going to start where my friend and I started, and introduce you to the salty horror that is the potato chip sandwich.

Ta da.
Ta da.

What The Fuck?

You know those kids in elementary school who ate their potato chips at lunch before they ate their sandwich? I guess this is what happens when those people take that to an extreme weirdly resentful of sandwiches. “Not only am I going to eat my chips before my sandwich,” they might say today, only technically a grown up. “But I am going to make the chips the sandwich.” It is the ultimate slap in the face to the sandwich.

Like this, but instead of Joffrey... a sandwich.
Like this, but instead of Joffrey, a sandwich.

And I don’t know how exactly the ads on WikiHow work, if they’re determined by metadata and analytics and… stuff on the user (in which case, this is awkward) or from the people who frequent the page most, but the ad I got accompanying this article is a hilarious, sad, and hilariously sad sign.

The correlation makes so much sense.

Ingredients

Let’s get into the meat of this sandwich. Or, uh, something.

Potato chips, plain or flavored

Makes sense. In context.

Ketchup

Just in case there isn’t enough salt in this thing.

2 slices of bread

The only thing actually making this a sandwich

Optional toppings/flavorings (butter, mayo, malt vinegar, etc)

I realize it says “optional”, but let’s think about the person making this sandwich. Are we really going to put it past them to think, “Why, yes, I do enjoy the simultaneous flavors of potato chips, ketchup, and mayonnaise. Bring it forth!” And butter? Is the butter just spread on the bread on the ketchup? Hopefully the instructions can shed some light on this. I’m just not seeing it.

Steps

Put two pieces of bread side by side. Put the slices on a plate or onto a clean countertop.

I’m not going to criticize this one, actually. Think about the person who gives so few shits about his/her health that they are making a potato chip sandwich. They definitely need a reminder to do this on a clean surface. They need all the help they can get.

Spread a little butter evenly on both pieces of bread. Or, if you prefer, use ketchup (tomato sauce) instead.

Wait, I thought butter was the optional one? WHAT’S GOING ON.

Put the potato chips on top of one piece of bread. Plain potato chips are ideal, but you can use any favorite flavor.

They have chicken-flavored potato chips. If you use those, I guess you have something like a chicken sandwich, but for people with a much shorter life expectancy.

You can enhance your potato chip sandwich by adding regular sandwich fixings. Try such additions as: ham, turkey, luncheon meat or vegetables like lettuce and tomato.

Oh, sure, now you tell us this is an option.

Put the other piece of bread on top of the potato chip layer. Press down a bit to crush the crisps.

Presumably this would be the last step, because you have two pieces of bread with stuff in between them, and therefore sandwich. But no.

Cut the sandwich in half.

Okay, fair enough, I guess. Now are we d-

Enjoy with a cold can of soda or any other preferred beverage.

Video Instructions

Okay, the video is five and half minutes long. I’m not watching that.

Tips

The potato chips give that extra “crunch” to an ordinary sandwich.

Also that extra heart attack.

Substitute mayonnaise (regular or vegan) for the ketchup, or use a dash of malt vinegar or other tangy flavoring such as sprinkle of Chaat Masala, if desired

Chaat Masala? Dude, you have seriously miscalculated your audience.

Be careful when eating this, Potato chips can cut your mouth when eating them in a sandwich.

You’re already eating a potato chip sandwich. “Care” is not among your chief concerns.

Fruit could be a good option to choose as a side to have with your sandwich.

I’m pretty sure this would be the side to the fruit.

Horrifying Statistic

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 26,954 times.

Almost twenty-seven thousand people have read this. I wonder how many have died.

No, Seriously, What The Fuck?

But here’s my favorite part of the article. The photography is gorgeous.

Look at that! The lighting is beautiful! The framing of the shot is perfect! Hell, even the creativity in the shot is several cuts above, you know, the sandwich. They didn’t half-ass the visual for the “put ketchup on bread” step. That is someone in the process of putting ketchup on a piece of bread. Seriously, the photography in this article is so great it actually makes this sandwich look good! Okay, it doesn’t do that, but the photography is really good.

It looks good! Certainly not appetizing though.
It looks good! Certainly not appetizing though.

So what’s going on here? Is it an elaborate joke, juxtaposing high quality craftsmanship with low quality cuisine? Is it a gifted photographer with terrible culinary tastes?

The world may never know.

Matthew Didn’t Eat This But Here’s A Rating Anyway

Five heart attacks out of five.

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26 comments

  1. A Reply

    The thing is, potato chips can be great on a sandwich, but they shouldn’t BE the sandwich. At the local grilled cheese restaurant, I do love bbq chips in the sandwich with some cheddar… Mmm.

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  2. blankexpression42 Reply

    i guess i’m alone here when i say that this is actually making me hungry for it.
    never thought about potato chips and ketchup, but i have tried wheat n’ cheddar crackers with peanut butter. oddly enough, it turned out kinda tasty

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  3. Judy Reply

    In my younger days we often added potato chips to our sandwiches or in with a hot dog, It was great. We thought we had invented it. Also, Herr”s Brand makes Ketchup Potato Chips which aren’t too bad you can get them at supermarkets or Walmart. That would save the add ketchup step.

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  4. Kehdece Reply

    I’m pretty sure you posted something once about trying the Doritos taco from Taco(bell?time?).
    Yet you WONT try the potato chip sandwich ?

    … It’d be so similar! But with more padding on the outside!

    Haha, I enjoyed this though
    I hope it becomes a regular feature 😛

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      • Bellomy Reply

        You know what’s incredibly overrated? White Castle. I can get a better and bigger burger at BK or McDonald’s, AND it will be cheaper (I have a special love for the dollar menu). White Castle kind of sucks.

        I’m going to level with you, this is really all a long-winded way of me saying that I got a whopper earlier and then dropped it and I still haven’t gotten over it yet. Sometimes life is just cruel.

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        • matthewjulius Reply

          Dude, I fucking love Whoppers. They might be my favorite fast food burger.
          I’ve never actually eaten at White Castle, but my roommates last year got the ones you can make at home and they smelled like dog food. Although that may have partly been our oven’s fault. We didn’t so much have an over as we did a “thing that produces smoke”.

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  5. Chuck Reply

    Potato chips should be the compliment on a sandwich, not a substitute for the meat. And ketchup? Looks gross. Ketchup belongs on hot sandwiches/burgers only.

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  6. Polly Reply

    I have eaten jam (US translation: jelly) and crisp (US translation: potato chips) sandwiches since I was a (freakish) child. They are delicious. My favourite combo is raspberry jam & smoky bacon crisps, with margarine spread on the bread first (I’m not a heathen). Also, whilst I will admit this has put me on the receiving end of some weird looks in my time, I am far from the only person I know who does this. 27000 people can’t be wrong Matthew. Unless we are talking about people who like 50 shades, in which case they and their millions of friends should get a life and eat some decent crisp filled sandwiches. That’ll learn them.

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  7. Shannon Reply

    Ok…. so I guess i am the odd one out here. I LOVE potato chips on a bologna sandwich. sorrrrrrryyyy…. I always have. Bologna, mustard, and plain potato chips btwn 2 slices of bread. Now I want that.

    Also, you HAVE to try Onion Rings on a White Castle Cheeseburger. It is life-changing. No, seriously, you may have an actual heart attack. But still, it is delish. Esp when still drunk or slightly hungover…

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  8. ellipses Reply

    Don’t knock it until you try it. Chip sandwich is an old favorite, and the best thing is if the bread is also toasted. It’s also really yummy to put chips in an existing sandwich (a proper sandwich, not a PB&J and the like – think grilled chicken and avocado with salad), in which case it’s easiest to add the chips as you’re eating. And, they are perfectly right to warn you about the chips cutting your mouth as well – very important because it can happen.

    Anyway, please do try it. It’s no more unhealthy than eating a packet of chips with your sandwich. Just make sure you only do this with potato chips. Corn chips or any other variant would just be uncouth. Obviously, we didn’t need a WikiHow to show us how to do it, but if there wasn’t, how would some uninformed people ever learn that such deliciousness existed? Clearly, the author did not want those people to miss out.

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  9. E.H.Taylor Reply

    I had a potato chip sandwich once and managed to cut the inside of my mouth.

    These things should come with a hazard warning.

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  10. Oracle Reply

    This is actually a thing a lot of people do in the UK, and have done for years! Though most people I know just butter the bread and put crisps (potato chips) in it, actually really good, but not for everyday! There is a restaurant over here that just sells crisp sandwiches.
    We also do chip butties (fries in a sandwich) and fish finger sandwiches… I think us Brits just like putting stuff between slices of bread!

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    • 22aer22 Reply

      Real chip butties are AWESOME. Where I’m from in the US, we have “hoagies” (sub sandwiches) and in some of the crazier ones we do like chips (fries)/mozzarella sticks/chicken tenders and other stuff. We also will put crisps in a sandwich to add crunch…but not crisps alone. YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

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  11. Pingback: Bad Sandwiches, Good Times: The Chip Butty - Bad Books, Good Times

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