I’m sure you read the title of today’s post and thought, “Wow! What a genuine surprise! NOT.” But you know what is a genuine surprise? GUESS WHO HAS A NEW EBOOK OUT THAT YOU CAN BUY RIGHT NOW?
That’s right! For the super reasonable price of $2.99, you can own this lovingly assembled eBook compilation of every Bad Books, Good Times post for the first book in Sylvia Day’s Crossfire series: Bared To You. That is a steal, you guys. Some people will pay $7.99 to read this story, and then they have to actually read Bared To You. We read it for you for $5 less. In this economy, you can’t afford not to. With this eBook, you get all the convenience of being able to read our summary uninterrupted from start to finish, free from the shackles of the internet in the comfort of your own (Kindle supported) eReader, and you get a chance to win a grand prize in our first ever contest.
WAIT. WHAT. CONTEST? WHAT. That’s right! By buying this eBook, you have a chance to win my personal, annotated copy of the sequel, Reflected In You.
Here are the details: When you buy the new Bared To You: The Bad Books, Good Times Reading Companion eBook, Amazon will send you an invoice or some sort of email confirming your purchase and order number. If you forward that email to email@example.com by 11:59pm EST October 20th, 2013 (this Sunday), then you will be entered into a random drawing to win my copy of Reflected In You after Bad Books, Good Times finishes reading it sometime in December. I’m paying for shipping myself, here, so unfortunately I can’t take non-US entries (unless you’re a crazy superfan and willing to pay for international shipping, then, uh, sure!). If you have any questions, leave a comment on this post.
BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE?! In celebration of the new eBook, you can now buy our first eBook – our reading companion for Fifty Shades of Grey – for a mere ninety-nine cents.
In case you missed all that, you can get an eBook compilation of our Bared To You posts for the low price of $2.99, and of our critically-acclaimed Fifty Shades of Grey posts for the absurdly low price of $0.99. That’s absurd, you guys. Think about all the reading about us reading you can do at those prices. And you get the added, heart-warming feeling of supporting a blog you love when the few dollars you spend on our eBooks becomes a few dollars we spend on alcohol, which is really the best way you can support us in reading these awful books.
Speaking of which.
Ariel already pointed out how hilarious this line is yesterday:
Maintaining steady, open communication was the only was we were going to survive as a couple.
Because you’re just pulling our leg, right, Sylvia Day? These books are the fucking opposite of open communication maintaining a couple. Hell, a major plot point of this one is that Gideon is keeping some secret activity from Eva on the grounds that she should “trust him”, even though it’s obviously hurting her. I mean, seriously? Look, it’s a good thing that she is trying to do this right now by writing him a letter about her feelings (about this very plot point, amusingly/irritatingly enough), but it’s absurd to insist that this is how Eva acts all the time or anything. In fact, I think the absurdity of this line means it’s time to play BUT WHAT IF OTHER STORIES WERE WRITTEN THIS WAY?
- Ensuring one person doesn’t have to carry the Ring by themselves for a long period of time is the only way we can transport it and not have anyone succumb to its madness. – The Lord of the Rings
- Not traveling through time is the only way we’re going to not cause huge problems with history that will require incredibly complicated and morally grey plans to set straight. – Back to the Future
- Sticking together in a safe place and not splitting up and exploring is the only way we’re going to survive. – Any Horror Movie
Eva goes to the hospital cafeteria to write this letter to Gideon on her tablet and wireless keyboard that I guess she owns now, when who should arrive but Minor Villain #3!
“Eva. What a pleasant surprise!”
Turning my head, I found Dr. Terrence Lucas standing behind me
Because I know most of you are going to have no clue who this character is , he’s a Doctor who appeared in a single page during the second last chapter of Bared To You to flirt with Eva and criticize Gideon and then went away. He’s been mentioned twice so far in this book (which there are now just under one hundred pages left of) where we’ve learned that he and Gideon hate each other because Gideon had an affair with his wife to get back at Dr. Lucas for something. This is the second time in the entire series we’ve actually seen him.
“Mind if I join you?” he asked […] I watched him take the seat beside me, and I refreshed my memory of his appearance.
Yeah, because nobody remembers who this character is. Then we remember, oh right, he’s that guy who just shows up out of nowhere and then is kind of a huge dick and speaks oddly non-directly.
“So Gideon Cross threw his money around and made arrangements for you. […] And you’re grateful. But what will it cost you?”
[…] Why do you dislike each other so much?”
His eyes lost their softness. “He hurt someone very close to me.”
“Your wife. He told me.” I could tell that startled him. “But that wasn’t the beginning, was it? That was a result.”
“You know what he did, and you’re still with him?”
It’s really hard to side against this character we’re clearly supposed to side against when the character we’re supposed to side with is so awful he’s completely unlikeable too. Which basically just means that when the “bad” guy is bad-mouthing the “good” guy, it sounds like things we already agree with. Which is hilarious.
“You look exhausted and depressed. That’s part of the game to him, you know. He’s an expert at worshipping a woman as if he needs her to breathe. […] Gideon Cross is a narcissistic sociopath,” he went on […] “I believe he’s a misogynist.”
Believe? He is. Dude, Eva, listen to this guy! Minor Villain #3 is a better audience surrogate than this novel’s actual audience surrogate.
Anyway, then things move from unintentionally hilarious to unintentionally homoerotic. Which is still hilarious, but also homoerotic. Damn, that’s a good quote. Feel free to use “hilarious, but also homoerotic” on future printings of this book, Berkley Books!
“What happened between you?” I asked again, knowing that was key. (Also, uh, we don’t need the plot this spelled out.) […]
“He uses sex to control, and you never know what sort of mood you’ll find him in. That’s part of the rush”
I’m calling this novel’s twist ending right now: Gideon and Dr. Terrence Lucas were secret lovers.
Later that day, Eva goes to lunch with her boss and his boyfriend, even though Gideon told her to eat lunch at her desk!
During lunch they talk about how Cary’s in the hospital. Steven and Mark heard it might be a hate crime, and Eva tells them it wasn’t, even though we’ve not actually learned that it isn’t? So, uh, spoilers, Eva. God.
After lunch, Eva gets a phone call from Gideon.
Eva is upset with her phone call with Gideon where he refused to explain why he’s trying to order her around (like this is different from his behavior prior to this novel, which makes the entire plot of this sequel really tenuous), and finishes her letter to Gideon where she tells him her feelings, writing about how miserable she is that he’s treating her this way, spending time with his ex-fiance instead of her, and how she feels that this has driven her to hate herself for loving him.
“He groaned my name and came, spurting hot and thick, the creamy heat spreading upward along his length because there was no room inside me. He shuddered violently, dripping sweat onto my skin, flooding me. “For you, Eva,” he gasped. “Every drop.”
Syvlia Day, that’s just gross.
He rimmed me with the tip of his tongue, stimulating the puckered opening to my rear.
A broken sound escaped me. I don’t do anal play, Eva.
I’m sorry. No. Just no. I refuse to accept that Gideon doing something with Eva in bed that he’s previously said he never does is a legitimate demonstration of his feelings about her and their relationship. They’re still just fucking instead of actually talking about their problems, which, sur-motherfucking-prise, does not happen in this scene.
“You won’t talk to me… you won’t listen…”
“I can’t. He groaned, his arms tighetning around mine so that I was completely at his mercy. “I just… It has to be this way. […] I’m hurting, too, Eva. It’s killing me, too. Can’t you see that?”
“No.” I cried […]
“Then stop overthinking and feel it! Feel me.” […]
He touched me everywhere. He was constantly inside me, with his cock or his fingers or his tongue.
They’re going to be so tired for work in the morning.