Okay, so Halloween was yesterday and “society” doesn’t want us to be “scared” anymore, but we have a Goosebumps to finish. Also this last post is only three chapters because apparently I’m really bad at math.
Greg and Shari, cursed by the evil camera, decide maybe the only course of action left to them before Shari withers away into nothing and Greg gets really fat is to TEAR UP THE PHOTOGRAPHS. But then Shari decides that’s too risky and might make things worse, which is a strange position to take when faced with imminent death.
“We’ll think of something to save ourselves, Greg. We just have to think positive.” […]
“Shari – you just gave me a really good idea!” I cried.
They run to the photo store Greg’s brother conveniently works at, so Greg’s brother working at a camera store turned out to not be actual foreshadowing! Jury’s still out on whether Jon’s a red herring/bad writing, though. (Spoiler: He is.)
Also, Greg’s brother has apparently forgotten that Greg is fat now.
At first, he didn’t recognize me. I think he forgot that I had put on four hundred pounds in the past few days.
Yes, I suppose if my younger sibling had acquired a strange and unprecedented life-threatening medical condition in the past 24 hours I’d totally forget about that too.
Greg has a plan that no one who has lived with anything buy digital cameras will understand in the slightest.
“Can you take the negative and make a positive of it? And can you take the positive and make a negative?”
But it doesn’t work.
A chunk of skin peeled off my forehead and dropped to the sidewalk.
Except the next morning it does work! Comically so!
I turned and struggled to pull my huge body out of bed. […]
And I went flying across the room.
Greg and Shari are both back to normal! They celebrate the return of their normal, non-life-threatening bodies. Greg learns from the high cost of his past mistakes that the evil camera’s powers are too dangerous to meddle with and he must never use it again.
“What are you getting?” Shari called, following me.
“The camera,” I shouted back. […] “For revenge”
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, GREG.
Wait a second, revenge? Is Greg now as evil as the camera he uses?!
I couldn’t stop an evil smile from spreading across my face. “I’m going to take Mr. Saur’s picture,” I told her. […]
“Greg – something terrible will happen!” Shari protested.
“I know,” I said, unable to stop grinning. “Old Saurball deserves it.”
Despite the fact that the camera has literally never once been taken out without a picture being taken on accident (usually in a struggle, which is somehow a 100% effective way for cameras to take pictures), Greg explains his moral ground for using a camera that nearly killed two people (and did kill someone in the last book) on his teacher.
“He deserves it,” I repeated. “He refused to believe a true story. He called me a liar in front of the whole class. And he gave me an F. An F for a really good report.”
Okay, the morality of your actions aside, Greg, do you remember your report? It was pretty goddamn awful.
“And he’s wrong, wrong, wrong! And then, when I got so huge, Sourball was really cruel. He made jokes about me in front of everyone. He embarrassed me, Shari. He totally embarrassed me.”
“So what are you going to do?” she demanded breathlessly.
I stopped at the corner. “He dared me to prove that the camera is evil. So I’m going to prove it – and get my revenge at the same time.”
So, after two books of mishaps and close encounters with death brought about by misuse of the evil camera, Greg has failed to learn:
- Not to use the fucking camera
- That the camera is too risky to use and has almost killed someone close to Greg every time he used it
- Not to use the fucking camera
- That nothing is stopping other people from taking pictures with the camera, or pictures just being taken on accident
- NOT TO USE THE FUCKING CAMERA
So guess how well this goes?
Time for revenge, I thought.
“I brought the camera,” I told him. My voice came out high and shrill. “Remember? The camera from my report? You asked me to prove that it’s evil. So here goes!” […]
He grabbed the camera from my hands.
“Oh, yes! The evil camera!” he declared, staring down at it. “Don’t waste it on me. Let’s take everyone‘s picture!” […] Then he shoved me in front of him. “Get in the shot, Greg.”
“No!” I pleaded. “Mr. Saur – no!” […]
Mr. Saur smiled at me. “I think I got everyone in class in the shot”
God fucking dammit, Greg.
“Now what’s going to happen?”
I swallowed hard. “Uh… we’ll see,” I replied. “We’ll see.”
Apparently Greg has also already forgotten that he learned how to undo the camera’s curses two chapters ago. You’re an idiot, Greg.