Eva is Revealed to Have Been Tina Belcher All Along: Entwined with You Chapter 2

Previously, a reporter with a personal vendetta against Gideon (most likely for reasons of the boinging variety), tries to get Eva to spill some dirt on Gideon. Her timing is impeccable, because Eva has just discovered that Gideon murdered Nathan, Eva’s psychotic, sexually abusin’ stepbrother.

Gideon shows up at Eva’s apartment, and things got heated. No surprises there. Which brings us to the first of many repetitive sex scenes in Entwined with You. [Matthew says: None of which I will personally be reading! Just like you guys! Is this what reading the blog is like for you guys? This is fantastic.]

Chapter 2

Things pick up right where the first chapter left off.

I hooked my legs around his calves and shoved my hands beneath his waistband to grip his taut, hard ass.

"Tina Belcher: Just when I think I'm out those cheeks pull me back in."

His mouth was on my breast before I knew it, his lips soft and warm, the suction fast and greedy.

It sounds like Eva’s boobs have suddenly turned into slurpees since the last book.

"A picture of a slurpee"

It’s nice to know this series can ruin such a simple sexual act. Some things just never change <3. [Matthew says: See, I didn’t get any gross Slurpee imagery out of that statement. The word “suction”, however, did make me think of toilet plungers, so… there’s that…]

“Eva. Let me …” He cupped my face, licking deep into my mouth. “Let me love you.”

Eva indeed lets Gideon love her, despite my loud and aggressive protests, and he starts to cry while he does it. Repeatedly, Eva tells us how she feels her desire “to her core” and then tells us, “He was so powerfully elegant, except for his penis, which was bluntly primal with its thick coursing veins and wide root.”

I love how when I first read that last quote all I initially saw was, “He was so powerfully elegant, except for his penis,” and I loled so hard. But then the end of the sentence is also pretty hilarious in that it is possibly the least appealing description of a penis I have ever read. Oh baby, I love your wide root. And those thick, coursing veins, my god. [Matthew says: Hearing “penis” and “wide root” in the same sentence very uncomfortably reminds me of this real commercial I found through a Cracked article.

I should probably mention it’s NSFW. You know, like the rest of this post about an erotic novel that you’re in the middle of reading.]

But it only gets hotter.

His sac, too, hung large and heavy.

Oh, baby, your sac. How it hangs. [Matthew says: I’m starting to suspect the implication here is that there is no part of Gideon’s body that isn’t some perfect display of primal masculinity. Maybe his uvula is hanging large and heavy too.]

Anyway, multiple orgasms all around! It always gets me that Eva’s like, “Gideon came, but he was still hard as a rock.” Sure he was, Eva, sure.

So I know when we read the last book, I was really adamant that I understood why Eva wouldn’t be upset about Nathan’s death and would totally be relieved. I still get that, but after some reflection, I do think she should maybe ruminate or come to terms more with the fact that Gideon is capable of murder. [Matthew says: Which ruined my suspension of disbelief so thoroughly I couldn’t say anything else when I read it.] That changes how you view a person. I wouldn’t want to read chapter upon chapter of this, but I wouldn’t mind if Eva struggled with this a bit.

Instead of worrying about colluding to hide a murder or the murder itself, Eva worries about how they’re going to have to continue hiding their relationship for a bit. Just to be clear, she doesn’t care about hiding a murder, just hiding their relationship. [Matthew says: I still don’t understand why they have to hide their relationship. I get that he doesn’t want to raise suspicion, but I don’t think Gideon and Eva either currently having or having had a relationship will really push suspicion towards Gideon one way or the other, especially since the police already figured out exactly what happened anyway, but sort of just looked at the murder and went “eh, these things happen”. It’s not quite up there with “Oh no! I lost a bet and have to platonically share a bed with my friend who is a boy for a month” in terms of contrived ways to bring romantic leads together/apart, but it’s probably more contrived than “I bought you a plot puppy”.]

Then Eva admires Gideon’s ass some more.

I’d gripped his ass, too, insanely turned on by the feel of it clenching and releasing as he fucked me tirelessly, stroking his long, thick cock deep inside me.

butt

Seriously, is Eva turning into Tina Belcher? Better yet has Tina been inside of her this whole time? Thank God I had these gifs saved. I come prepared, friends. [Matthew says: Joke about Gideon “coming prepared” goes here. Obviously.]

Gideon wakes up, and their ensuring conversation follows the typical pattern of this series:

Eva: You’re so sexy.
Gideon: You’re also so sexy.
Eva: I love your heart and your penis.
Gideon: You have my heart AND my penis.
Eva: Oh, btw, this reporter lady Deanna showed up and is out for blood.
Gideon: UG stay away from her she sucks.
Eva: I KNOW YOU FUCKED HER!!
Gideon: You don’t know that. Srsly, don’t worry about it, angel, I’m gonna bang you now. Bang away allll the problems.
Eva: NO. Let’s argue about moar stuff.

The conversation continues for a bit but Eva claims she’s totally not mad, just a little jealous that Gideon slept with Deanna once. He says he “doesn’t remember it” and that he wasn’t drunk. [Matthew says: Wait, so did Gideon sleep with Deanna once? I feel like I should be able to tell if Gideon is being secretive or if Eva is being paranoid on account of, you know, words written in a book to convey information. If only Day was good at that.] Of course, just when the subject gets interesting, they decide to have sex again instead of talking about it.

Gideon is positively shocked that Eva doesn’t want to argue anymore.

“You’re different,” he said, touching my face.
Of course I was. The man I loved had killed for me. A lot of things became inconsequential after a sacrifice like that.

I sputter in disbelief at you, book!!! I sputter because there are no words. I’ll leave you all to ruminate on Gideon’s sacrifice and how Eva isn’t even like, “I still feel kind of weird he’s capable of murder.”

Ug, I don’t know exactly what I want from this book, I’ll admit that, but I know I don’t want, “The man I loved had killed for me” because it’s just pushing so hard to be like, “This is what real love looks like. It’s your man loving you so much he would kill for you. Don’t worry, he’ll only kill a nasty evil person for you, and he would never physically hurt YOU. But murder in the name of love is a sacrifice and beautiful and super romantic. So romantic that detectives are even like,  ‘Case closed.'” Bull shit, I say, bull shit.

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  1. E.H.Taylor Reply

    I keep picturing this as if it were some sort of horror instead of a ‘romance’. You know, the one where the woman has a stalker and all the people close to her are dying and then the killer at the end is all, “I did if for you. For *us*.”

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    • 22aer22 Reply

      It reads exactly like that. I will never understand how this series has been misconstrued as romance.

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  2. Kristin Reply

    Everything about this book is just terrible. I would like to say it gets better, but *spoiler alert* it doesn’t. After reading this one I was ashamed to admit that I kind of liked the first book (but in my defense, I was grading it on a curve vs 50 Shades of Grey).

    If you want more fun reading, check out Day’s FB page sometime. The masses are getting restless, and frankly, down right mean to her since the promised 4th book in the series (there are to be 5 total) has not released and its been almost 1 year since this one came out. She drops a few paragraphs every now and again but refuses to give any hint as to the release date. She even put up a nasty response a few weeks ago telling all the folks who are angry to simply move on to a new series/author.

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