IT HAS NOW BECOME LIFE OR DEATH: Life and Death Chapters 17 & 18

"Sabrina the teenage witch asks why"

Chapter 17: The Game

Kill me. It’s the chapter where they play baseball. For those of you who stood by us while we read The Host, you may recall we had to read about their cave soccer matches. Why does Meyer feel she has to include descriptions of people playing sports in her stories?

BUT FIRST. Werewolves.

Leaning away from the rain under the shallow front porch, Jules Black stood behind her mother’s wheelchair. Bonnie’s face was impassive as rock while Edythe parked my truck against the curb. Jules stared down, looking mortified.

Edythe’s low voice was furious. “This is crossing the line.”

“She came to warn Charlie?” I guessed, more horrified than angry.

Edythe just nodded, answering Bonnie’s stare with narrowed eyes.

The world is just trying to tear these two love birds/vampires/humans apart! However, I do question Bonnie’s methods. If she’s planning on barging in and telling Charlie that here be vampires, I don’t think it will have the effect she’s hoping for.

Edythe leaves and Beau lets Jules and Bonnie into the house. Bonnie sends Jules on a wild goose-chase to find a picture in their car, and a tense discussion with Beau follows. The word vampire is never explicitly mentioned, but you can feel it crackling through the air.

Bonnie basically leaves it up to Beau to talk to Charlie. Glad we had this discussion.

So far, this has been identical over in Twilight, but now when the Bs wait for Charlie to get home, Bella tries clothes on! Beau cleans! Fair enough, I guess. At least Beau wasn’t like, “I’M GONNA CLEAN THOSE GUTTERS!”

Now that I was away from Jessamine’s mood fix, I was able to really stress out about what I’d agreed to. But how hard could it be? Edythe said I wouldn’t have to play. I tried to convince myself it would be fine while scrubbing just a little too hard.

While Bella says:

Now that I was removed from Jasper’s and Edward’s influence, I began to make up for not being terrified before. I gave up quickly on choosing an outfit — throwing on an old flannel shirt and jeans — knowing I would be in my raincoat all night anyway.

Also Bella gets a call from Jessica, while Beau’s manly friends don’t pick up the phone! We ain’t no girly phone-talkers.

To top it all off, though, and really drive home the point that LOL GENDER SHMENDER, Charlie is outraged when Bella tells him about Edward. He’s too old for you (even Bella acknowledges he’s right but not in the way he thinks)! He quickly relaxes, though when he realizes that Edward isn’t the big scary Cullen who looks “too mature” for Bella. He also keeps calling Edward “Edwin.”

"Sabrina the teenage witch asks why"

Charlie in Beau’s world is cool about all this, and also impressed by his son’s game. In fact, Charlie is so taken by Edythe’s beauty he can barely speak to her. “I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so flustered.” Oh dear god.

Beau and Edythe make their way to the baseball game, and Edythe has to offer Beau encouragement before another piggy back ride. Of course, this leads to more intense and dangerous making out.

After running and having more circular discussions about love and danger, Edythe allows Beau to kiss her:

She sighed. “Now, be a good boy,” she said, and stretched up on her tiptoes.

I held very still while she brushed her lips softly against mine.

Oh my god, so, romantic and restrained.

Apparently Edward and Edythe’s laughs sound like different animals choking:

“Sounded like a hyena choking to death,” Eleanor added.


 

“It sounded like a bear choking,” Emmett clarified.

MANLY BEARS DO NOT CHOKE TO DEATH.

Also Bella is “unintentionally funny” while Beau is just funny. I know. I know it’s a small thing, but why make this change at all?

They play baseball. Can you believe this didn’t make it it into Fifty Shades? I really feel like Ana watching Christian and his family play baseball would have been an important scene to include.

Beau and Earnest wind up chatting during game since Earnest referees. Apparently he’s technically younger than Edythe who he thinks of as his daughter. I had completely forgotten that detail from the original. This is a really odd dynamic. Earnest is a true Edythe/Beau shipper, and is happy Edythe isn’t alone anymore.

Suddenly Archie announces that other vampires heard them playing baseball and are headed this way to join the game! Uh oh!

Chapter 18: The Hunt

One of the women in the group has red eyes, which seems important. Bella finds this sinister, but Beau doesn’t seem to react at all.

“We thought we heard a game,” she said. There was the hint of a French accent in her voice. “I’m Lauren, these are Victor and Joss.”

I guess vampire baseball is just wildly popular among vampires of all different walks of after life.

They chat, and the Cullens invite the vampires back to their house…but suddenly A BREEZE comes in, and Beau’s scent wafts over to the other vampires. Seriously, how did they not realize immediately he was a human? They had even said last chapter that if Edythe ran away with Beau, they would still catch his scent!

andywhat

Everybody chills out, and the vampires still want to come over to hang out.

In the car, Edythe tells Beau he can never go home again.

“You don’t understand,” Edythe nearly howled in frustration. The speedometer was at one hundred and fifteen. “She’s a tracker, Archie! Did you see that? She’s a tracker!”

[…]

“Archie—listen! I saw her mind. Tracking is her passion, her obsession—and she wants him, Archie—him, specifically. She’s already begun.”

What are the odds of such a dramatic situation occurring!

The Cullens are willing to protect Beau, but Edythe points out that all they can basically do is kill this vampire. Eleanor is into this.

Beau has a counter-offer:

“Listen,” I said. “You take me back.”

“No!”

“Yes! You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. She’ll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Then you can take me any damned place you want.”

They stared at me with wide eyes.

“It’s not a bad idea, really.” Eleanor sounded so surprised, it was an insult.

They flesh out this plan more, you know, logistics and such. Basically, it’s agreed that Jessamine and Archie will go with Beau so Edythe’s absence doesn’t arouse suspicions.

What a crazy ride this has become.

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4 comments

  1. Cara Reply

    I’m so annoyed that Laurent got changed to Lauren. Lauren is not a french name. This is the laziest name change.

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    • jmfausti Reply

      The name changes are pretty awful. But, it keeps bugging me that Charlie is the only character to not get gender swapped. He is a very clear indicator that Meyer doesn’t even believe her press about nothing changing but the genders. Charlie treated Bella like a baby bird and was ready to shoot Edward. With Beau, he’s like, “way to bag the hottie, stud muffin.” I smell a huge pile of double standard right there..

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      • 22aer22 Reply

        Her whole reasoning was around whether it was believable that a deadbeat dad would have gotten custody of Beau. I think Meyer could have easily made that work, though. Like Beau and his dad were super close, and the mom knew Beau would be happier with his dad.

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  2. Pingback: The Lazy Reader’s Guide: November 30 – December 4, 2015 | Bad Books, Good Times

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