Left Behind: Chapter 14
This chapter drops us right into the middle of one of my biggest problems with Left Behind. The book’s message is that literally no part of who you are matters unless you’re a “true Christian*”, and then it spends apparently 16 books defining that asterisk. So then by definition, that should mean that the people who got left behind is a cast of flawed people who now have to confront those flaws, or rapidly spiral downward in them. When you break it down like that, you know, this kinda sounds like it could be an interesting story! Problematic, but the theory seems mechanically solid.
The problem is that it’s not clear what the book is saying those flaws are. It’s conflating everything into a single “well, it’s not undying love for Jesus” point of “bad” things. So when Rayford and his daughter talk about inviting a woman he previously lusted over for dinner…
“I want to see when Hattie can join us for dinner. That’s all right with you, isn’t it?”
“As long as you don’t expect me to cook or something sexist and domestic like that.”
“I hadn’t even thought of it. She loves Chinese. We’ll order some.”
“She loves Chinese?” Chloe repeated. “You are familiar with this woman, aren’t you?”
…it’s kind of hard to tell whether we’re supposed to be critical of previously not-religious Rayford’s wandering eyes, or agnostic Chloe’s… entirely rational concerns about her father’s misogyny.
Ok, most of the chapter is about Buck doing journalism, so I promise there will be jokes soon.
Buck tries to re-secure his interview with Carpathia. Also, the world realizes that Buck isn’t actually dead. Given that this is all because of a higher-than-government organization’s assassination attempt, there’s astoundingly little in the way of consequences here.
After Carpathia finishes his press conference – where Left Behind very weirdly barely wrote any of his actual press conference, but just summarized what he talked about, because writing is super hard – he gives a question and answer session. Which still doesn’t actually bother writing most of Carpathia’s dialogue.
The young Romanian was no less impressive and persuasive up close, beginning the session with his own statement before fielding questions. He conducted himself like an old pro
This has to be the closest to an admission of “yeah, we have no clue how to write this” I’ve ever seen in a book.
Carpathia launched into another minispeech, again showing incredible knowledge and grasp of the U.N. and its mission.
Seriously, this is so weird. Even when Jenkins and LaHaye bother writing Carpathia’s dialogue, it only supports my theory that they wrote themselves into a corner and had no idea how to write a charismatic politician.
“As you know,” he said, speaking again of things long before he was born, “the U.N. has its legacy in the League of Nations, which I believe was the first international peacekeeping body. It came about at the end of the First World War, but when it failed to prevent a second, it became anachronistic.”
Where do I begin? This is like bad writing Christmas. Do I point out that that’s not what the word “anachronstic” means? Do I point out that, if he were really an expert, he should know whether the League of Nations was the first international peacekeeping body or not? Do I point out that a politician talking about “things long before he was born” isn’t really an impressive point? Do I point out that even in a pre-Wikipedia world, this hardly demonstrates “incredible knowledge” of the U.N.? THERE’S TOO MUCH.
Eventually, someone asks Carpathia about the disappearances, which is great, because this is the first time the book has bothered trying to tie the Carpathia plot together with the rapture, which is weirdly second fiddle in this story. Carpathia says that his BFF Dr. Rosenzweig is working on a theory, and you know when Dr. “crops+desert=ISRAEL FLUSH WITH CASH” comes to town, Left Behind‘s gonna get ridiculous.
“the theory that makes the most sense is as follows: The world has been stockpiling nuclear weapons for innumerable years […] some confluence of electromagnetism in the atmosphere, combined with as yet unknown or unexplained atomic ionization [has] triggered [this] instant action throughout the world.”
Oh. My. God. YES.
“They are postulating that certain people’s levels of electricity made them more likely to be affected. That would account for all the babies and even fetal material that vanished. Their electromagnetism was not developed”
I take it all back. Left Behind contains some of the most beautiful sentences I’ve ever read in my life.
“Sort of like someone striking a match in a room full of gasoline vapors?” a journalist suggested.
Carpathia nodded thoughtfully.
Even crazier, Carpathia also recognizes Buck immediately despite his press badge with his fake name, for some reason. I don’t even fucking care how unbelievable this is. “Their electromagnetism was not developed” was an actual sentence in this book. I’m still riding that high.
Left Behind summarizes the press reaction to the conference (which, incidentally, is the appropriate time to start summarizing the events of your story, as opposed to “basically every time the villain is talking”). Nicholas Carpathia wins the world over overnight, creating pressure to name him an emergency advisor to the UN. More importantly, he also gets the cute new press nickname of “Saint Nick”. Adorbs.
Meanwhile, Rayford returns home from grocery shopping. Lest we think that maybe things are pretty much ok in this post-Rapture world because Rayford could do something as chill and dependent upon large international infrastructures like grocery shopping… IT IS NOT SO.
The window of the storm door was broken and the door hung on one hinge. The main door had been kicked in. […] Everything of immediate material value seemed to be gone.
Even the cops are like, “Yup, this is representative of the world the story takes place in now. Not constant jetsetting. ANARCHY.”
“This kind of crime is up two hundred percent here in the last week alone,” the officer said. “The bad guys know we don’t have the time or manpower to do a blessed thing about it.”
ANARCHY! Except for the insurance industry, which is totally fine.
“I’m just glad Chloe didn’t walk in on them,” Rayford said.
The cop nodded on his way out. “You can be grateful for that. I imagine your insurance will take care of a lot of this.”
Chloe and Rayford count their blessings. Chloe suggests they get another copy of the pastor’s DVD.
Suddenly Chloe laughed.
“Now this is funny?” Rayford said.
“I just had a thought,” she said, smiling through her tears. “What if the burglars watch that DVD?”
It probably wouldn’t change their opinions much. Much like this book.
“the theory that makes the most sense is as follows…some confluence of electromagnetism in the atmosphere, combined with as yet unknown or unexplained atomic ionization [has] triggered [this] instant action throughout the world.”
Oh really now? Raises eyebrow Don’t get me wrong, I’m hardly an expert in any scientific field, but this just screams “LOL BULLSHIT” to me. And I was one of the poor shmucks who bought into Kyuubey’s explanation for entropy and magical girlhood in Madoka Magica.
To compare, I have a hard time buying into the possibility of matter randomly getting rearranged into a gel-like state via time travel (see: Steins;Gate, but at least the series tries to prop itself up with some verifiable scientific facts about things like black holes and particle physics. What LaHaye and Jenkins are doing here is tantamount to Kyuubey saying CONTRACT WITH GIRLS + EMOTIONS = NO MORE HEAT DEATH OF UNIVERSE YAY. In other words, trying to use science to explain something that would work better without science.
That would account for all the babies and even fetal material that vanished. Their electromagnetism was not developed
In all earnestness, the first thing that came to my mind when I read that sentence was the belief that children below age seven are not fully of the humyn world. Can’t remember where I read that, but I heard it in the context of Japanese Buddhism.
Looks like we now have Christian proof that babies (which includes fetuses here?) aren’t of this earthly plane. Their electromagnetism wasn’t developed!
I mean, to be fair, this is the antichrist’s explanation, so we know we’re not supposed to buy it. But it’s so ridiculous I have to ask why the characters in the book are buying it
This chapter fails so much in so many places ….
“Lets write the greatest orator of all times, but because I cannot write for shit, let’s never include any speech of him besides reading the atlas in alphabetical order!”
“The bible says the antichrist reigns over the whole world, so let’s make ANY union of nations into a potential origin of his power! What? The UN is a peace-keeping organization? Well, then we just have to write it in a way that pacifism is the tool the antichrist will use for war! Readers, beware! Pacifism = bad!!!”
“We need a scientific-magical explanation and the stufff with use-some-radioactivity is so 60ies. Let’s take something even more old. Like this electric magnets stuff, I heard this guy Mesmer had some great successes with it in the 18th century!”
“Let’s show the horrors of the apocalypse by people breaking into houses in the suburbs and plundering stuff. But we have to make the story more horrific later, we have seven years to cover … so let’s make the burglary stuff just into a minor inconvenience. Insurances! Against the horrors of the end of the world!”
LaHaye and Jenkins are much worse as a writer-duo than the Casts imo. At least the Casts just write stupid stuff, but these two try to make their readers more stupid. As bad as it is, I’ll be so happy when we go back to HoN in two days.
Every time Jenkins attempts to put forth the “anarchy” and “horrors” of the world post-Rapture, it makes me wonder if this dude has ever even been camping because he sincerely lacks the imagination to pursue the fallout of a world-wide disaster of this magnitude. The way he just assumes that airlines, takeout restaurants, and INSURANCE COMPANIES will always be permanently chugging along in the background, waiting to serve him, is so intensely…pinheaded. I mean, that’s the dictionary definition of sheltered, right here in front of us: he can’t imagine that the police won’t respond to his call, or that the service industry might ever disappear. It’s mind-boggling.
For instance: I imagine insurance companies are waaaaay too busy trying to untangle the legal snarl of life insurance payouts for millions of people they can’t confirm are dead to give a fuck about a break-in at the moment.
Jenkins is the guy yelling at the customer service representative on the phone while he/she attempts to tell him that the building is on fire and they must evacuate immediately and his response is “NOT UNTIL YOU STRAIGHTEN OUT THIS CHARGE!”
You know this is bad writing when all I can do is think about the insanity going on in the post-Rapture world instead of what these characters are doing. There’s the insurance insanity that you just mentioned. And what about family members trying to access the bank accounts and safety deposit boxes of the people who disappeared? What about the lawyers who are suddenly dealing with people wanting their parents’ wills opened and read? What about people in hospitals whose caretakers suddenly vanished? Credit card companies suddenly going bankrupt because their cardholders vanished without paying off their balances? What about all the pizza delivery people who just showed up to empty houses? This is madness.
What strikes me as downright sociopathic is the way they forget that they made ALL THE CHILDREN ON THE PLANET disappear. In an instant. Parents ought to be driven to desperate measures trying to locate their missing babies. Elementary schools would be burned to the ground by a grief-crazed population. A large subset of the workforce (teachers, neo-natal nurses, nannies, baby formula manufacturers, childhood cancer researchers…) would be unemployed in an instant. Carpathia’s press conference ought to have been turned into a riot with people demanding to know where their children are and who’s going to get them back.
But no, he mouths some nonsense about electromagnetic waves, pretty much confirms that the children are never returning, and people go about their day. I know that we unsaved masses are supposed to be lost to Jesus, but I think most of us would STILL care that our kids had, for all intents and purposes, died!
” It came about at the end of the First World War, but when it failed to prevent a second, it became anachronistic.”
This sentence is driving me nuts. Most of the books you have reviewed have sentences that don’t make sense, but this is the first time I cannot even guess what the meaning is supposed to be. English isn’t my native language, so maybe I’m missing something. Does anybody know what word they were trying to use?
“ANARCHY! Except for the insurance industry, which is totally fine.”
I would love to see how the insurance industry would deal with the world ending. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse destroyed your house? Well, that falls under our Apocalyse Coverage so don’t worry.”
There would have to be a pretty serious deductible on that Four Horsemen policy. And your English is fine — that “anachronistic” sentence makes no sense to native speakers either.
Was gonna write something, but you already said it. They seriously just didn’t know what “anachronistic” meant, and no editor caught it either.
I’m sure they have no editor. “The Lord watches over us and He will not allow us to make any mistakes in these wonderful books which only praise His greatness.”
(God: “Ewww, heavens, this book is horrible! Just stay away from me with that crap!”)
It’s almost like they meant to use a different word entirely for the ‘It came about at the end of the First World War, but when it failed to prevent a second, it became anachronistic.’ sentence. Maybe they hit ‘spell and grammar check’ in Word and accepted whatever changes the program suggested. Makes me wonder what it is they misspelled…And what kind of editor, if any, they had to look for mistakes. At least I hope it was a mistake.
These books are horrible and I can’t believe I read the whole series when I was in high school. My school thought these were the holy grail of book series’ and I am literally cringing right now at how awful the writing is.
I read the whole series too as an adult, and I have to be fair, it’s enjoyable as an adventure story if you just turn your brain off. The concept is an interesting one and would have made a MUCH better series in the hands of a better writer.
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I’m studying International Relations. The fact that the world is going gaga over Mr. Antichrist Because he knows about the UN and can name the member states had me In tears.
Not only do I know about the UN, i can also tell you about the ICJ, the EU, NATO, WTO etc etc. Can I take over the world too? No wonder all These People got left behind. They’re too stupid for Heaven. Heaven has standards.