Ominous Chapter Is Ominous: House of Night Untamed Chapter 30

House of Night: Untamed Chapter 30

Zoey tries call Stevie Rae to bring yet another character up to speed on the events of the last few chapters, but thankfully Stevie Rae doesn’t pick up. Thankfully for us, I mean. This will unquestionably have dire consequences for Stevie Rae and Zoey.

I don't give a shit
They’re probs totally fucked

Darius arrives at the hospital to pick up Zoey to take her back to the school. He tells her that there was some talk about postponing the ritual because of her grandmother’s accident.

“Oh, no! We shouldn’t do that,” I said quickly. “It’s too important to postpone.”
He gave me a curious look, but said only, “That is what Neferet said. She convinced Shekinah to go ahead with tonight’s schedule.”
“Did she?” I mused aloud, wondering why it was so important to Neferet that I go ahead with the ritual tonight.

See? Totally fucked. I like how I have absolutely no idea how this could possibly go in Neferet’s favor, but what tipped me off a few chapters back that this is obviously going to be a disaster for Zoey was that one of Zoey’s plans seemed to make sense. Let’s think about that for a second. Zoey’s plans that do work include “rebuild trust with the human community by secretly volunteering for a cat shelter and never telling anyone”, and her plans that don’t work (will) include “reveal the bad guy by pointing out the only bad thing that they’ve really done so far”. None of this makes sense, which is a weirdly effective way to guess how the plot’s gonna go.

Anyway, speaking of the writing in House of Night doing the opposite of what it wants to do…

Jack burst like a little gay tornado into my dorm room

We’ve had Jack around for three books by this point and literally the only thing we know about him is that he’s gay. Nothing about his ambitions, dreams, hobbies, what he thinks about what he’s studying in school, nothing. He’s still basically just a noun that the Casts can attach the word “gay” to every dozen pages in the book. Super progressive, y’all. And it doesn’t help that what little character he has is… let’s say “tough to pin down”.

“Have you guys been keeping an eye on the nanny cam [on Stark]?”
Jack nodded […] “Yep, I sure have, and all is still totally, well, dead quiet.” He giggled and then slapped his hand over his mouth.

Because “tough to pin down” sounds a bit better than “somehow even more nonsensical than ‘little gay tornado'”.

Zoey fills more goddamn people in on the events of the last few chapters. By this point, presumably next chapter will be Zoey filling Sister Mary Angela in that she spent this chapter filling her friends in on what she told Sister Mary Angela about the last chapter about the poem her friends read the chapter before that.

friends they don't know
This is the actual plot of House of Night: Untamed, when you think about it.

Aphrodite suggests they go over their secret plan again. Zoey suggests they admire how awesome they all look first.

“Can we go over the basic plan for the ritual and then get going? Being late tonight would not be a good thing,” Aphrodite aid.
“Yeah, you’re right. We should get this going. But you guys really do look good,” I said, grinning at all of them. “We are one pretty group.”
Everyone smiled and took turns curtseying, bowing, and making cute little spins.

Thanks, Zoey.

“So the ritual will go pretty much like it always does. I’ll come in to whatever music Jack plays.”
Jack nodded enthusiastically. “I’m ready! The best of parts of the Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack”

Thanks, totally-cool-with-the-gays-see-we-know-all-the-stereotypes Casts.

“Uh, you guys didn’t catch sight of Stevie Rae, did you?”
“Nope […] Don’t worry about it. She’ll be there,” Damien said.
Aphrodite and I exchange a quick look. “I hope so,” I said, “or I don’t know what the hell we’re gonna do about the earth candle being zapped from your hands when I try to invoke it.”
“Aphrodite could always put the candle down while you light it and do an interpretive earth dance,” Jack said helpfully.

Honestly, that makes about as much sense as everything else going on in all the circles and rituals we’ve seen in these books. Jack’s playing the fucking Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack; I don’t know what the rules are.

“Once Stevie Rae appears and all of the elements are invoked and the circle cast, I’ll make some kind of general announcement about the red fledglings and how their appearance should help cleanse the school of secrets.”

I feel like maybe this is the part of the plan that required a lot more going over.

“Then we watch Neferet deal with the fallout,” Aphrodite said.
“And if she’s Queen Tsi Sgili, like we think she might be, she’s going to be way too busy trying to squirm her way out of how pissed Shekinah is going to be to do anything about fulfilling Kalona’s prophecy,”

…I spoke too soon. That was the part that needed a bit more thought. The part where they assume a deeply evil sorceress communing with an ancient evil God to usher in an era of terror and chaos will be sufficiently subdued by her boss telling her they’re going to have to have a talk with HR.

“Damien, keep an eye open for those Raven Mockers, though. If you think you see, or even hear one, zap him with wind.”

“Shaunee, if you notice any Raven Mockers, DO NOT use your fire magic against them. Okay? Cool.”

Having cheerily discussed their seemingly straightforward plan and all the things that could start working in their favor in the near future, the Casts end the chapter with one of the most incredible “we don’t know how to build suspense and we fucking give up” sentences ever.

Then we all hurried out of the dorm and, with confident hearts, headed straight into our last moments of innocence.

you did it

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4 comments

  1. Bellomy Reply

    Oh man, I think this has some of the Casts’ best stuff in the series.

    “Little gay tornado”

    Jack listening to the “Memoirs of a Geisha” soundtrack

    Interpretive earth dancing

    And a literal announcement that their “innocence” is going to end

    The Casts should look around for Nick Cage, because they’re a national treasure.

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  2. Pingback: The Lazy Reader’s Guide: February 29 – March 4, 2016 | Bad Books, Good Times

  3. anemicanomie Reply

    Ugh, I haven’t thought about Memoirs of a Geisha in years. It’s the one book I actively regret reading all the way through. I can see why they wanted to include that soundtrack, though. It must have been a real challenge for the Casts to work in that wholly necessary bit of Japanese cultural appropriation, without writing any Asian characters into the story.

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  4. gasolinespider Reply

    “We are one pretty group.”

    Ugh, you just know if Aphrodite was the one who said that, Zoey would be rolling her eyes and saying, “Aphrodite, there are way more important things to focus on than our fashion sense right now.” But as much as I’d hate to admit it, she did have a point, we did look damn good.

    Because Zoey seems to forget they are friends about as often as we question why they are.

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