Fifty Shades Darker Movie Trailer AHHHHH

Forget bonus post day! This is URGENT, everyone. The Fifty Shades Darker movie trailer is here!!!!

Oh my god you guys, it’s here!!! This Valentines Day, my husband and I will definitely be hitting our local theatre so I can take copious notes again. Who knows, maybe Matthew and I will even run another Snark Week!

I have so many questions. Why is Crazy in Love being covered so many times in the name of Fifty Shades? Why is that actor I love from Rookie Blue playing the evil Jack Hyde (he is so much hotter than Christian! Can he and Jamie Dornan switch places?) How are they able to wring hours of footage out of a barely-there plot? I can’t wait to find out!

What do you guys think? What will be most awful in this movie?

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13 comments

  1. Jennifer Layton

    There’s STILL no expression on Ana’s face. It’s a vapid, glazed-over look, even when she’s smiling. She has the same out-of-it vibe in every scene, like someone shoved her out of bed at 3am, handed her a script, and yelled, “ACTION!”

    3+
    • 22aer22 Post author

      YES it seems like this franchise has crushed Dakota Johnson’s soul! She was so adorable in the short-lived Ben and Kate!

      3+
  2. Dana

    1. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the Crazy in Love cover. Like boy, what you doing trying to go up against Beyonce?

    2. Watching this trailer just made me suddenly remember all the random ass crazy shit that happened in these books just to add some semblance of conflict and excitement (like the helicopter accident and the stalker girl). If I knew nothing about Fifty Shades beyond the fact that they were a popular erotica series, this trailer would confuse the shit out of me.

    3+
    • 22aer22 Post author

      I didn’t like it either. And is this going to be A Thing they do for every movie? Why must this song be so intertwined with Fifty Shades?? It will be ruined forever.

      YES when Christian disappears for three perilous pages! Dude, I read the whole series and the trailer still confused me. I had to dig deep into my memories to piece it all together. And despite all the ‘intrigue’ there’s really no plot at all.

      3+
  3. justaddgigi

    Jesus Christ, here we go again! I had to unfollow some people on twitter who turned out to my horror to be FSOG fans. Also, is it me or is Christian even more creeper in this movie than he was in the last movie. There was also this whole theme of stalking from both Christian and Anna. I wonder since E.L.James wrote this film that all the kid gloves are going to be taken off, and we really get to see how abusive and crazy Christian was in that book. And wow way to completely murder Beyonce’s song. Just stop!

    I think I may have an extra reason to hibernate on Valentines day. Eugh!

    3+
  4. Kristin

    EL James also released 2 pages of Book 2 from Christian’s POV saying its releasing in 2017. So get pumped for more bad writing!’

    3+
    • 22aer22 Post author

      Matthew is going to be upset, but I’m happy. I don’t bite the hand that feeds us.

      4+
  5. wordswithhannah

    1) This trailer is a goddamn mess. I’ve read the books and I’d still be hard-pressed to cobble together the plot from all these random scenes. “There’s a party! And legs! It’s sexy! But wait, she gets thrown into a wall? Then it’s sexy again! And then there’s a ghost in the bedroom. Fuck it, where’s my check?”

    2) The constant re-covering of “Crazy in Love” is glorious in a meta sense, since this entire series is a re-tread of another piece of pop culture, regurgitating it in various different ways until it’s beaten into the ground and everyone’s sick of it, even the people who liked it to begin with.

    4+
  6. Utsutsu

    I’m just going to watch right up until that helicopter crashes.

    Then I’m going to do somersaults straight out of the theatre, and pretend that that’s the end.

    This will only be more confusing because I’m going to be in Japan when it comes out. Hopefully there’s a very tasteful Japanese dub. It couldn’t possibly be more confusing in another language.

    3+
  7. Madeline

    OH MY GOD. THE FIREWORKS. THE BAD CRAZY IN LOVE REMIX. THE MISATTEMPT AT MELODRAMA. THE SOFT CORE PORN SHOTS.

    I CANNOT I’M DYING.

    3+
  8. Madeline

    “A Shade……….*Darker*”

    This is supposed to be hilarious right?

    4+
  9. Lougoober

    Ooh how about how the trailer doesn’t seem to even imply there’s actually a plot. It’s just people walking around in formal wear and then making out.

    This trailer reminds of when they do “On the next…” commercials for tv shows and it’s just a bunch of random shots and pieces of dialogue that make it sound really dramatic (like “There’s no way out of this” and “How does it feel to be betrayed?!”), and then you watch the actual episode it’s not dramatic at all and the quotes were like people doing a difficult maze puzzle in a coloring book and playing a video game.

    And that Crazy In Love cover… well it wasn’t AWFUL. But the song doesn’t seem like it even really relates to their relationship even if you DO sing it in a breathy, creepy way. It would be cliche, but I feel like The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” would be more appropriate.

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  10. milli

    one thing which is positive about this trailer is that the actors have hair which looks like hair this time and not a overused tried twigs and red bush. that is an underwhelming achievement.
    and knowing that E L James controlled the hell out of this movie franchise where GRRM is insulted by D&D( by virtue calling their fan-fiction adaptation) is a special kind of torture.

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