Goosebumps: One Day at HorrorLand Chapters 26-29: THE HORRORS ARE REAL

And so ends another annual Goosebumps reading. Parting is such sweet sorrow, you guys.

Importantly, the previous chapter ended like this:

“You can’t do this! You can’t!” I shrieked. “Let me see your face! Let me see who you really are!”
Using all of my strength, I gave the mask a hard tug.
Then I screamed and let go as I realized the truth.

So this is where shit gets real.

Chapter 26

She wasn’t wearing a mask!
The monstrous green face was her face.
She wasn’t wearing a monster costume. None of the Horrors were wearing costumes, I realized. […] “You – you’re really monsters!”

“But — but you said this was a TV show,” I stammered to the Horror MC.
Her bulging yellow eyes gazed at me. “We’re happy to say it is the top-rated show on The Monster Channel,” she said cheerily. “Thanks to great contestants like you and your family. The Monster Channel is watched by nearly two million monsters all over the world.”
“But — but — ” I stammered, taking another step back.

I might be overthinking this, but I have questions about this entire civilization of sentient beings secretly cooexisting with humanity, and how it’s remained secret despite this show watched by two million of them which depends on breaking that secrecy. Although, again, I might be overthinking this children’s book for children.

“People don’t always take us seriously,” she continued. “People come to HorrorLand and think it’s all a big joke. People laugh at the signs around the park. They laugh at the rides and attractions.”

I mean… we kicked things off with a ride named “Doom Slide”. Look, monsters. Maybe coming up with scary names just really isn’t your thing.

The monsters tell them that their time is up and that they’ll “show you people the way we say goodbye on The HorrorLand Hidden Camera Show”, which even the family realizes is incredibly ominous. They get brought to a purple pond full of foul-smelling muck and are told to either jump in or get pushed.

Chapter 27

Dad is full of regrets about taking his family to a totally unknown amusement park they found in the middle of nowhere.

“I’m real sorry,” Dad murmured to us, ignoring her. “I’m real sorry I brought you here. I — I didn’t know . . .” His voice broke. He lowered his eyes.

Lizzy reflects on how the MC expressed disappointment that people don’t take HorrorLand seriously (just saying: Doom Slide) and gets a crazy idea.

I knew this was my last chance. I knew it was crazy.
But I knew I had to try it.
I stepped up to the MC, reached out, and pinched her arm as hard as I could.

….okay? Well, it was nice knowing you, Lizzy.

Chapter 28

Somehow this manages to get more underwhelming.

Her mouth opened wide, and she let out a startled gasp.
She tried to pull her arm away. But I held on and pinched harder. “The Mad Pincher strikes again!” I shouted, remembering Luke’s annoying cry.
Her yellow eyes rolled around crazily. “No!” she pleaded.

with a loud whoosh, a rush of air escaped her lips. […] she appeared to deflate, just like a balloon.
I gaped in amazement as she folded helplessly to the ground.
An angry cry rose up from the crowd of Horrors. “Inflate her!” one of them yelled. “Inflate her immediately!”
They began moving in on us, growling and grumbling menacingly.
“Pinch them!” I shouted to my family. “Pinch them! The ‘No Pinching’ signs that we thought were so stupid — they were serious! The Horrors deflate if they’re pinched!”

WRITING TIP: If the story climaxes with a deus ex machina/callback, maybe the thing it’s calling back to could have been mentioned more than twice in the entire story?

The family starts running around pinching and deflating the hundreds of Horrors, who are apparently doing nothing to stop five people (including three children) from doing this.

The alarmed Horrors turned and ran. Stampeded is a better word. They scattered through the park, screaming as they ran.
Taking a long, deep breath, I happily watched them flee. “See? I always come through in a pinch!” I said, amazing myself by making a joke.

They seize the opportunity and run into the parking lot… before remembering they still have no car! But they notice the HorrorLand buses and run to see if the keys might have been left in them, while Horrors begin to chase them, shouting, “No one ever escapes!”

Chapter 29

This is the last chapter of the book. The first few sentences are mostly variations on “We were running”. Then they get into a bus and it’s mostly variations on “We were driving”. Goosebumps isn’t exactly full of shocking twists and turns this year, huh?

We all started to cheer. We kept cheering until we were out of the parking lot and back on the highway.
We laughed and celebrated all the way home.
The drive took hours and hours, but we didn’t care. We were safe! We had escaped!
It was night when Dad pulled the bus up our driveway. “Home, sweet home!” I cried joyfully.

Except for the requisite Goosebumps twist ending! What’s it gonna be this year?

Then I saw him. It was a Horror, and he was clinging to the back of our bus. “Oh, no!” I cried out.
“What are you doing there?” Dad demanded.

Gasp! Maybe it’s that one horror that gave them a warning and then totally disappeared from the book! Maybe we’ll find out what that guy’s deal is!

His yellow eyes studied us menacingly. He moved toward us quickly.
Clay and Luke hid behind Dad. Mom’s mouth dropped open in fright.
“What do you want?” I cried.
He reached out his green hand. “Here,” he said. “We forgot to give you your free passes for next year!”

Or not!

Bummer. Guess we’ll never find out why that Horror wasn’t acting like any of the other horrors. Or where the parents were the whole dang time if nothing happened to them. Or how they even figured out how to get home. Or how HorrorLand makes any money: Ariel’s made a good point, you guys. The real scare is how HorrorLand turns a profit.